i want to leave my husband of 7 years i am scared. i doubt myself.i am still in school i have a learning disability and its hard. i need to pass the boards and he is the one tutoring me helping me get threw it. mean while he waits on me hand and foot and he supports me thats what makes me like him but its weird cause even though he educates me and waits on me hand and foot he is still mean as well. if some one puts me down he wont stick up for me he will like the person doing it. he as cheated on nme in the past and he even has a std. he aslo has a shitty attitude and i dont like him anymore for everything he has done. i can figure out why he waits on me and and foot pays all my bills and educates me but still cheats on me and is mean to me in the process with his shitty attitude. he doesnt give me love but out of the blue he will . what do you about this guy.i do not have an std i did wear protection
2006-12-11 01:59:30 · 17 answers · asked by sophie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Firstly let me say how sorry i am to hear what you are having to go through if it's not hard enough in life already i know how you feel with having a learning problem as i am too dyslexic but i accepted it and used what gift i have in return for not beinging able to do other things. you sound like such a nice girl unfortuntely rome was not built in a day the say with finding love theres no easy way to falling in love we all fall for the wrong person as some stage in our lives so what you need to do is walk away and find someone that will make you happy and make your dreams come true don't let a guy like this get u dwn ur better then that your stronger then you think if you find the confidence that you have keept locked way for so long you can acheive great things so leave this jerk and find true love follow your heart and the rest will follow best of luck to you and i hope i have helped you.
2006-12-11 04:49:19 · answer #1 · answered by Denver 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He likes the relationship because he thrives on control and you are under it. He loves the feeling of power the fact that you rely on him totally and completely. He may even mistake power for love, (people can be confused.) However you liked feeling dependant but now you have come to realise that he doesn't love you for a person. I understand what it is like to be under the control of a manipulative person, everything is your fault. They allow people to make fun of you and may even make fun of you themseleves. People outside don't see it, so it makes you look ungrateful. First of all you must understand is that the longer you stay within a relationship like this the longer he will control you, make you feel worthless and make sure you are stuck forever. Second, the days of people with difficulties being completly dependant are over I'm sure there are many organisations that will help you move on. However he has been your husband for quite some time, have these feelings just surfaced, aren't they things you can work through? I would never immediatly tell you to get divorced. But later on he may decide that he doesn't want to support you anymore, then you will be stuck and have to learn to survive alone. My suggestion is to stay there for a while and review the situation, meanwhile do things by yourself, little by little, if he protests tell him it's about time you learnt.
Him cheating on you is unacceptable though. You need to remeber why you loved him in the first place and then see if those reasons remain and whether it became about your disabillity.
2006-12-11 02:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by Dreamer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been where u r and let me tell u........U HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF.....and walk away. Just because he is sometimes good to u does not mean that he is good for you. Pray and ask for strength and guidance. Believe me, when u seek it...... you will find it. I was in a relationship with a man that did not respect me, nor did he treat me the way that I wanted to be treated. It took me along time to leave, but I did. I'm so grateful that I realized that I was better than that. U have to love yourself enough to walk away.......and stay away. It won't be easy, but it can be done......anything is possible when u have faith. Always remember to love U and seek those who love U the same way. Oh yeah, one more thing....just because you have a learning disability that does not give him the right to treat U any type of way. U can get tutoring from someone else.....and pass your boards without him. My grandma always said.....ONE MAN'S JUNK....IS ALWAYS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE. U will find what U deserve once u start to love yourself unconditionally, because the love U have for yourself with be a reflection of what U want for U, what U will put up with and what U won't.
I'LL keep U in my prayers!
2006-12-11 02:23:42 · answer #3 · answered by dmoore_quan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation but my husband didn't cheat, that would have made it so much easier to leave for me. It was ten years for me....never lived on my own before him, didn't know I could do it. It is scary at first but it does get better with time. If he is mean you will want to be careful. My ex wasn't mean but he had a drinking problem....when I left he turned really mean and I had to have the cops watching over me and my children for a bit. It got better with time though....you just have to stay strong and not give in to their pleads. He will try to guilt you into staying or convince you that you cant make it without him....but you can and I will guarantee you will be much happier once you do it. If you are unhappy now it will just get worse....get out as soon as you can!!
2006-12-11 02:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you dont really know what you want. you both need to sit and talk about the problems. if you can't do it just the 2 of you then see someone that can help you. you sound very confused. he seems like he is ok as far as tutoring you and you say he waits on you and pays the bills. is he that bad a person? maybe he realizes he has problems and tries to make it up to you in different ways.good luck
2006-12-11 02:14:42 · answer #5 · answered by avalon123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a very complicated relationship, and I would recommend you talk things through with someone who knows more about it. If you have a close friend or family-member available, that would be the best place to start.
I hope things work out for you. Best wishes.
2006-12-11 02:04:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
being with someone is all about being happy and comfortable,seems to me he doesnt make you feel this.just because he helps you with youre education doesnt mean you should stay,thats the bit he can do and finds easy.he certainly isnt meeting any of your other needs!Don't sell yourself short my love and so what if hes tutoring you, go to the school and request this help its all there for the taking.its amaizing what a bit of self help can do for the spirits and being free from those who hurt you.best wishes my love
2006-12-11 02:12:30 · answer #7 · answered by nendlin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE NOW! I left a violent marriage 7 years ago,and it was the hardest and the best thing I did.I am still on my own,and would love to meet a new man,but at least I kept my sanity!
Good luck to you
2006-12-11 02:09:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you he's just controlling you.
The doubts you have are the result of his criticisms of you. He is the one who is destroying your self-confidence and making you dependent on him.
The only time he'll give you "love" is when he thinks he's losing control, it's just another way to control you.
He is destroying you.
You can read all about him (and people like him) and what to do about him here:
http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH11.HTM
You have to leave him for the sake of your own sanity.
2006-12-11 02:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ur gonna have to leave...i was in a marriage last january...i was afraid he was gonna hit me but i was scared to leave 2....he was just as u were sayin....he was nice 2 me and said he loved me but he wanted that control....so i took charge and told him no more....we're still in the process of being divorced and i dont talk to him anymore....u have to take charge and make sure u have family and friends to support u when u do decide to divorce him....if there is a will....there is a way
2006-12-11 02:26:57 · answer #10 · answered by stella_h2o06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋