How do you deal with a 13 year old who thinks....?

Question

everyone hates her, especially her siblings & kids at school. She use to be a happy girl but now she just seems depressed about school, we have tried to seek help at diffrent agency's but they say they will call back and we don't hear fom them (Ontario) she was cutting, but now she has stop that....we show her love & attention and praise her when she does well and accomplish things that can be hard for her....alot of the times she says "I don't care" when she don't get her way, she lies to her friends she also tells them she hates life, what else can i do to help her with this problem? I'm a mom who is at there wits end....and i don't like the systems here, it seems when a child is crying for help, they slam the door in your face

Answer 1

Have you tried asking her if she would like to speak either to you or a counsellor?

Sounds like something has happened to shatter her confidence / self-esteem ("everyone hates her").

Has someone close to her died / moved away / jilted her ?

Young love / crushes can be mighty powerful things - more so than most adults can remember / appreciate.

Answer 2

Well, I think you should avoid blaming the girl until you talk to him sober. I DO think its a big deal, but I also do know that most kids experiment at some point. It could have been a party that got out of hand, it could have started with getting an accidentally spked drink... I mean, there are a LOT of scenarios that could have led to this, so just dont pass judgement until you talk to him about what happened. Your hubby probably thinks its not a big deal because a lot of teens DO experiment. MOST teens today have been drunk at least once by 13 or 14. Im an adult now, and had my first drink when I was 13. Now, I dont think its ok, but I know it does happen. So its not something that I am going to go to a crazy extreme on. I would ground him for a couple weeks, make him write a paper on bac on how quickly you can die from alcohol poisoning, and then tell him about all the stuff he needs to do to be safe if he drinks again. Make it clear you dont condone any such decision, but would rather he knows how much alcohol is too much than die from alcohol over dose, or call a ride than dui-ing yourself.

Answer 3

Well, I don't want to worry you, but your daughter really needs to be talking to a therapist.

I know you are having a hard time with the different agencies and all, but right now you need to be thinking a lot more about your daughter than the inconveniences, and hoops that they make you jump through. If it requires hourly phone calls to the appropriate agency... then do it! The squeaky wheel gets the grease!


Her problem isn't her home life right now, its school life. Unfortunately at 13, her social life means a whole lot more to her then you do. While she may like the fact that home allows a refuge, school is a war zone. I would suggest contacting the teachers in her school. If she is/was cutting a class find out who's it is and talk to that teacher to find out why. Also try to find out if she likes any teacher. The idea behind this is to make the bad class a little bit more tolerable, and befriend the good teacher to make that class another refuge.

Answer 4

this is a tough one to answer, simply because each child is different. growing up I used to have the same "type" of issues, however I never got into the cutting thing...I'm not too keen on blood, however, I understand it. People like this have the believe that by causing pain on the outside, will make the pain on the inside go away, OR will make people see their pain. Now, by showing her love and affection might work, but not all the way... and what most people fail to do is this...they will say "Sweetie, we love, your friends love you"...or something on those lines...but on the othher side we will also say, stop wearing black and jelly wristbands, and stop listening to that aweful music. See, those 2 things don't co-inside. What really needs to be done is "get to know them" chances are 90% of the parents in this world don't even have a clue as to who their children are, they don't know their friends, hobbies, music....it's time for a reality check guys...get involved or your child may just become a statistic of teen suicide.

Answer 5

God I went through that too. My parent's didn't understand me at all, and got really angry and sent me off to hospitals and stuff. I hated them for a while for it but now I'm 15 and I can see they did it for me.
Do anything you can. Admit her to a hospital. Don't keep praising her and sucking up to her, she probably sees that as patronising. Even if she hates you for it at the time, she'll eventually come round when she's older and see you did it for the right reasons.

And I don't think she's stopped cutting either, she's probably still doing it and hiding it better.

Don't make her feel like she has a mental illness, she probably is beating herself up if she thinks she does.

And it's probably a thing going on with kids at her school. Talk to her about changing schools, that could help her.

Good Luck, and be there for her

Answer 6

I can help here.

You are approaching this in the wrong manner, I believe.
Firstly, contact your Primary care physician and meet with the Physician face to face. The physician is under a moral and ethical obligation to assist you to find immediate help.

You appear to be in Canada from your question. Your child is in distress to be sure. She needs immediate help from professionals. Children are not born bad or born to behave badly.

You daughter is experiencing hormone changes and all sorts of peer and family pressures, She is screaming for help.

This is all about your child... Your daughter.

I am not slamming any door in your face. My email is available for you to contact me.

One day you will look back at this problem and know that people are there to support you.

God Bless.

Answer 7

you should get her a consulor, I was the same way when I was her age ( I never got help) and I ended up having a rough time as a teen I got into drugs and cigarettes and alcohol and I ended up pregnant at the age of 17, I dotn mean to scare you but its true when I read the question I thought of myself at that age I remember crying and being depressed alot and thinking I had no friends even thought I had lots

Answer 8

Is she crying for help or just attention? Could it be that she is just experiencing really bad hormone fluctuation's? (major PMS?)
Have you talked to your doctor and asked his recommendations If programs won't call you back...call them and make them crazy until they help you!! How about getting her in group activities? Is she busy after school or in the evenings or weekends? Does she lay around bored or lonely all weekend? How is her weight and exercises level? Maybe getting her involved in a sport might help. Or involved in music....

I hope things get better for you and your daughter. I know it is hard seeing your daughter hurt...but you will get through it together...just hang in there and keep trying. Don't give up! :)

Answer 9

Be there. Day in,day out. Listen! Make her feel that you will NEVER give up on her. Ever! Keep asking for help from others-her pediatrician,school counselors,call the agencies over and over again. Be the squeaky wheel. You are your daughter's strongest advocate and......SHE NEEDS YOU!
Good Luck!

Answer 10

I don't know how Canada's mental health system works, but that child needs to see a therapist NOW. You just descriped me at 13, and trust me, she hasn't stopped cutting, she's just hiding it, and if she says she hates her life, she's on her way to suicide. I know, I tried that at 14. Do whatever you have to, but get her to a therapist, and get her on anti-depressants.