How would you feel if the party you had been planning on going to all year but most recently all week was suddenly last minute "out of the question" while talking to your husband on the phone on the way out the door? He demanded that he wanted to come home to his son after all day, and then later he said it would be really nice if he could come home and spend the evening with his WHOLE family (me too) and that maybe he didn't really want to go to the party, so instead of watching my son and letting me stop by and say hi to all my friends, he said I needed to miss the whole thing to. I couldn't have just gone anyway, because he has this "go if you dare" tone and implication behind everything he says "do what you want" to. And I know what happens after I would have gone - a big lecture like I was his daughter or something about how I must not care about family, and that my social life must be more important. (I'm a mostly stay at home mom, so I never go out. Ever.)
2006-12-11 01:13:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The issue here is not the Christmas party.
The issue here is this statement of yours: "Go if you dare tone" and "a big lecture like I was his daughter" and "I'm mostly a stay at home mom, so I never go out."
The issue here is that you have gotten yourself trapped into the trapped wife syndrome. Your husband is a control freak who enjoys -- yes, I will use that word: ENJOYS -- screwing you over because it proves he has power over you. He could really care less about what you want because you are no more to him than chattel, an appendage, a thing to twirl around like a top and watch it spin. He gets to tell you one thing, then another and watch you spin and spin to try and please him, but never succeed.
This will go on forever and get worse and worse unless you put an immediate stop to it. Believe me, I've seen this happen to so many stay at home moms. You need to stop this now. For a month or so, document in writing the incidents you describe and how they make you feel. Then you need to take this and tell him that you are not going to put up with this any more and that you two need counseling and need it now.
If he refuses to change his ways, then you have three options.
1. Give in to him and watch your life swirl away down the toilet.
2. Make his life miserable and try to get him to change that way.
3. Make plans to leave him.
Good luck.
2006-12-11 01:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by Karen L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your MIL appears to be very hurt by what she perceives to be your avoidance of her. I think that she may have some valid points. Maybe it's time for you and your husband to make more time for her in your busy lives. If you invite her to VA. for a visit, then you owe it to her and your children to spend quality time with her. Why would you invite her for a visit and then pawn her off on other relatives and basically just shine her on? You do need to get this ironed out. Maybe she's exaggerating , but these are her feelings.If I were in your position, I would write her an other letter and try to address the issues that she has brought up. Good Luck to you! You sound like a loving person and I'm sure that you will be able to heal the ill feelings.
2016-05-23 04:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by Annette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never taken my husband to any Christmas Party at work. He never wants to go and that's ok with me. Your question was "how would I feel if my husband made me miss the Christmas party". Well I would feel very hurt. First I would be hurt that he DEMANDED anything. Second it would hurt me to feel like I would be punished in anyway if I did go.
He sounds very very controlling! I am sure I wouldn't be able to put up with that kind of crapola. Since you said you never go out then it sounds like he comes home every night and spends time with his WHOLE family...I don't think one night is going to disrupt his family bond (but in his case it sounds more like family bondage). He needs to get over himself and not be so selfish.
2006-12-11 01:29:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you're coming from, but try to understand the real reason why your husband doesn't want to go. Maybe something happened that he's not telling you about that caused him to have a change of heart. I could understand why you want to go....not getting out much and wanting to see friends are very good reasons. I've been to quite a few Xmas parties and I've seen alot of stuff that goes on. Maybe he's afraid you might have too good of a time....if you know what I mean. But I think there is something alot deeper going on as to why the sudden change.
2006-12-11 01:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would be really mad about it. There is no reason why you shouldn't have been able to go to the party. If he changed his mind then that is his business. It sounds like he is trying to control you and I would think you better change that now and not let it continue. If you want to go somewhere and it has been discussed and he changes his mind then that is his problem. You need your time by yourself also.
2006-12-11 01:21:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a healthy relationship he is trying to control you and that is out of the question in a relationship and you should take him to counseling and find out why he does not want you to go anywhere without him . That was very unfair what he did and i would have been pissed at him as well. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.
2006-12-11 01:21:16 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have went to the party but also felt guitly doing so knowing how he felt I would end up not enjoying myself...Though I might have also told him how I felt and how I really have been looking forward to this party...Its once a year and if he cared about how I felt he would understand...
2006-12-11 01:42:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
headache, you need some excedrin. Let me just go by your first sentence as I'm not married. If my friend or whoever "made" me miss out on something, it depends on if in the long run you feel as if he makes up for it...a give and take relationship.
2006-12-11 01:24:41 · answer #8 · answered by Tracy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have told him "whatever" and just went to the party. He sounds like a loser control freak. My wife had that problem with her first husband. She left. Now I control her!!! LOL!!! No, just kidding. She does her thing, and I do mine. If there's no trust, you have nothing.
Merry Christmas. :)
2006-12-11 01:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by Gasman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd be pissed....and I probably still wouldnt be talking to him. You need to have a talk wtih him about your rights as an adult, that you are not his property and you should NEVER ever not do anything out of fear of how he will react, that just isnt healthy!
2006-12-11 01:17:55 · answer #10 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋