Is shame a good thing?

Question

Can shame be a positive thing in certain situations? A teaching, learning experience? Are shame and guilt related?

Answer 1

Hi Sandra,

Well, sometimes the two words are loosely defined and thus used interchangeably, but I have seen distinctions between them, and I have even seen "shame" referred to in different ways.

Usually guilt is used in the context of "good/bad" (western cultures ), while shame is used more in the context of "honor/dishonor" (eastern cultures).

In western culture (which has a strong Christian influence), guilt assumes that a person has done something bad/wrong, or has broken the law, and thus punishment for the crime needs to be doled out.

In eastern culture, shame suggests that a person has not fulfilled their obligations to others and thus has brought dishonor upon themselves and those involved. This doesn't necessarily mean a law (legal or moral) has been broken; it means that the person has "lost face" and must do something to regain the favor that was lost, usually by fulfilling the failed obligation in some way.

Looking at just western culture for right now, however : Feelings of guilt and shame develop early on in childhood, as part of the socialization process.

A child does something that displeases his parents, and the parents' negative reactions instill a sense of guilt. This sense of guilt, of having failed to meet the mark, drives a normal child to want to please his parents and reconcile in some way -- usually by admitting the wrong he has done and asking for forgiveness, and wanting to do better. He does not want to lose the love and favor of his parents, which he fears might happen if he does not learn to change his behavior.

Children who are never disciplined or who never are forced to deal with guilt for their actions usually grow up to be insensitive and indifferent to the feelings of others and can cause a lot of pain and suffering for people. So in this case, as part of helping someone develop morally, a sense of guilt for a negative action is a positive motivator.

Guilt usually is just focused on the person's action, not the person -- the action is undesirable, the person is still valuable. Feelings of shame tend to mean that the person is viewing THEMSELVES (and not the misdeed) as bad; and this type of shame can be destructive, if the person begins to devalue himself.

Shame can destroy a person's ability to relate to others as well as develop their gifts to their full potential, among other things.

Anything can be a learning experience, if it is tailored to fit the maturity of the person being taught. Bad things happen when someone is forced to deal with feelings of guilt / shame beyond what they can handle (i.e., understand, rationalize, work through). Children are in a precarious position because they are very undeveloped and inexperienced, and often have no alternative ways of viewing feelings of guilt and shame, except by blaming themselves. The parents have to be careful in how they respond to a child's actions, so as not to deliver the message that the child is unwanted, unlovable, and unvaluable.

Answer 2

Shame is a human feeling, It is not a good thing. Shame appears when you realize you have done something wrong, and others realize too. What is the point to feel the shame (it hurts sometimes) when you already know you are wrong, because shame comes only by accepting that you are wrong.
Those who think that are right, or are simply evil, don't feel any shame, so shame only applies to those who can change and learn from the cause of shame.
So shame is a bad thing because it punishes those who realized they've done wrong, and only them, but it is needed, because otherwise many will forget to learn from the shameful mistake. :)

Answer 3

Shame is a longer lasting thing as I see it. I see guilty feelings and conscience being our monitoring system with things we may feel like doing, but shame is for something that we or a member of our family may have done and we feel shameful for it, and it is a sort of thing that haunts you too along with possible embarassment, say while going out and everyone knows about what happened and you feel shameful in showing your face. It could be beneficial after a while, but it is not a very good thing to live with being shamed or made to feel guilty. I do believe however that a clean conscience is very good to have.

Answer 4

shame and guilt are different coz shame is not necessarily realized only by the offender,whreas guilt is experienced by a person who has indulged in the act,but escaped coz of partiality or luck.shame tecahes a person to not be an egomaniac

Answer 5

It is a very good thing.