Where and how do I begin to fix my life?

Question

I'm a 35 year old single mom of 2 great kids - probably the only thing I've ever done right. I live in a run-down house with my mom where the kids are too ashamed to invite friends over. I've gone from chubby and pretty to obese and ugly. I'm an LPN with no license for this state because I can never afford it and frankly, I hate nursing. However, I'm going to school to be an RN because I feel like that is what everyone, including my kids, expects me to do. I have lumps in my breasts but I can't get a diagnosis until I can afford life insurance. I'm unemployed and have been for almost a year. I did some work online, but it requires creativity and I just don't have it in me right now. I don't have clothes to get a job, my car is a piece of crap, and I really am just so ashamed of myself that I can't talk myself in to walking in some place to fill out an application. I just feel like such a failure and I know the kids probably see me that way too now that they are older.

There is a house down the road that I have been dreaming of buying for us someday and now it's on the market and I'm hating myself for not being in a position to buy it. I have been working on a business idea on the side for over a year and it's a good one. But my credit is so awful that I'll never find the money for it, so now I'm kicking myself for wasting my time on it. I just need an angel to swoop in and save me. But the odds of that happening are slim to none. I haven't always been a loser and I keep hanging on to the hope that maybe someday I'll be worth something again. I just want to get my life back together. I want to give the kids a better life and I don't have time to keep plugging along and getting nowhere. Before I know it, they will be grown and looking back to see they spent half their childhood in poverty and it's all my fault.

Please don't simply tell me to get it together. If it were that simple, I would have done it already. And sure, I probably need therapy, but that's not free and getting there isn't free either. I need real solutions - something I can actually do that doesn't require money, something that has worked for someone else in my situation.

Answer 1

Dear Someday...I am a single mom too. Have been forever, ok really just 22 years, my son is 25. This is the toughest "job" you wil EVER face. As you know very well yourself, you have twice the parenting responsibility on 1/2 the money (If you are working full time.)

Home costs are not REDUCED if you are single income, you must somehow come up w/ the same "total" as a two income household. How do you pull together down payment $ like that?

1st, You have to cut expenses to the bone & live w/ family for a while. So by staying w/ your mom, you are ALREADY doing this part right. It's quite a blow to your independance & your self-esteem right now, but try to see this as TEMPORARY, not a life sentence. That alone will help your mood.

You can't put aside any $ until you find work, so here are my ideas- As an LPN, you'd be very sought after in the field of Elderly Care (if that appeals to you) it's a growing industry as we baby boomers are aging & having to pay for our excessive indulgences of youth. You can usually work on your own schedule so working around kids school hours etc is not as difficult. OR, you may want to consider being a Physicians assistant in a doctors office or a clinic. Ideally, you might find a womens clinic & be able to get treatment for your breast lumps at your new job. You can't rule this out until you TRY.

Clothes, a listening ear, and practical assistance is available thru United Way, Goodwill, salvation army, & a host of community programs. All of these, & some churches, offer a resource list for struggling families to rehabilitate their life. You need help to get new clothes & an interview outfit, they'll do that. (I had to do this myself!)

Many organizations can refer you to job placement agencies, revamp your resume, & work w/ you one on one so you gain confidence to ACE an interview. Lots of folks don't understand the MOUNTAIN of obstacles in facing the job market when your life is so overwhelming. I do.

The road ahead of you is all uphill. There is no easy quick fix for a single mom. Society does not reach out to support us or offer praise when we meet our goals. Instead we are judged as defective, or less than, the NORMAL families who do well w/ two parents-two incomes- and the security that provides. But you are NOT less than. You have every right to feel depressed once in a while. THEY don't walk in your shoes. So don't ever let their attitude defeat you!!

Your kids will not think less of you, I guarantee. My son saw me struggle to keep us afloat on $20,000/year. I have a high school education, no extraordinary skills, no family nearby to do babysitting or help out. But he admires me. Even though we had less than others in our neighborhood, he knew his mom did everything possible, JUST FOR HIM. Your kids will be very proud of you, I promise.

Take it one day at a time, start with small goals. Make a list. Today you might contact Salvation Army & ask about Toys for Tots or the Empty Stocking Fund. That'll do Christmas for your kids. Tomorrow, go out to visit charities for work clothes. A new outfit will do you good! See, do ONE thing every day. It's not quite as huge that way.

If you Ask another question & let me know where you live, I'll see if I can locate additional local assistance too. We still need to figure a way out of the crappy car too! I'm stumped until I know your city & state.

For now, just know there are single moms who made it, and LOTS of us who do care.

Answer 2

attempt the library. there will be some good books which will grant help to look at your self as an entire guy or woman, and grant help to concentration on construction your good features, and installation new and greater helpful character features. all of us is often asserting, "be your self", yet meaning "do not enable somebody else replace you once you're already doing properly" -- it does not mean "stay the guy you're, whether you do unlike that guy or woman". You already prefer to alter (that's good!); you basically choose some functional guidelines to pass in, and those books will help. For the social stuff, possibly a internet atmosphere might grant help to ease into being greater open and gabby with human beings. back in 2004-ish I used to accepted some thing called 2d existence. that's a three-D on line international with avatars that could properly be custom, an elementary chat and IM equipment, and no specific goals -- you could run around (or fly) and meet human beings from international. there have been many very clever and gifted human beings on there back interior the day. I nonetheless log on as quickly as each few months to verify what's new, however I now not have the time for widespread use. nonetheless, it helped me grow to be much less aggravating around new human beings (in real existence). (in case you prefer to envision it out and choose a "excursion handbook", deliver me email). good success!

Answer 3

You need a do over........however life really doesn't come with those very often. I'm an LPN and I really love nursing....I love being an LPN....really don't want to be an RN....too much paper work. You really need to find something to do for a living that you love......and do it.....the money will follow. You have an enormous responsiblity to those kids....get your act together an show them how to pull themselves up.

Answer 4

The only way you are going to get through all of this is if you pick yourself up and get your life together. You're kids need you to be healthy and strong. Have you considered therapy?

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to see your Dr. to get treated for depresion, then get yourself on a program to loose the weight and start feeling better about yourself.