My husband lies to me about looking at porn and hides it. I have found proof several times, i.e. downloads, I think that it is disrespectfull to our marriage, and to me, I also feel that it is cheating, if you have to go out of your marriage for sexual gratification then it is cheating. Your thoughs please!!
2006-12-11 00:35:07 · 23 answers · asked by Jennifer Dalpe 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are absolutely right. How would he feel if you did the same. You don't have to be with someone else physically to cheat. I feel that it is wrong to go outside of your spouse for sexual gratification. He married you not the porn.
2006-12-11 00:40:01 · answer #1 · answered by MZ.NEZ 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I agree completely. That is a large part of the reason I am filing for divorce right now. I never minded the porn itself...what I minded was the KIND he was looking at, and the fact that he hid it, then LIED about it when asked up front why he was still looking. He promised me NO more porn of ANY kind, and kept looking only to delete it from his history. He was getting his "gratification" from the porn sites and then couldn't do anything for me.
YES to me it is along the lines of cheating. The porn is not wrong, exactly. When it has to be hidden and lied about, THAT is where the problem is.
2006-12-11 09:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband had relations with you as often as he wished, you would feel like a 7-11, always open. Its not cheating. By the way, do you care that you are invading his privacy! You are NOT his mother. Be the wife. If you can handle sex multiple times a week, and not always having an orgasm, then by all means, be his 7-11. Your husband is actually being a gentleman by waking away in privacy and not using his wife as a tool! Guys masturbate! It was our first encounter, ask any doctor and they will say it is quite natural. Not a disorder, however if you want to take the place of his wrist and hand, by all means go for it. But do not criticize him for being a guy.
2006-12-11 08:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In most cases men are in the mood more often than women are, so he has another way of 'taking care of business' other than asking (nagging) you to help him?
He hides it because he knows that you think its disrespectful to your marriage, and to you..I'm sure he does not mean any disrespect towards you or your marriage. He's your husband, you know him, is he really that obliviously shallow?
Try to be more open minded in this regard. I know its tough, try to understand why he does it, I went through the exact same thing..now that I understand its like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can focus on more important things.
If your sex life is non-existant, then there's another problem..maybe a communication gap?
Though if everything is fine between you two and he prefers this way of 'taking care of business' to making love with his wife, then sure, its totally unacceptable and I'd also feel cheated on.
Good luck..
2006-12-11 08:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by sexybabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, as long as he is honest and just LOOKING and not talking, touching(the girls), or messaging other girls than it is not cheating. But what is cheating is hiding and lying. I dont mind if my husband looks at porn, we even look sometimes together, but I wont put up with messaging and talking to other women in a sexual way.
Try offering to look at it together (if you are comfortable with that). If you hate it all together, then your husband should respect you enough not to do it. If he loves and respects you then he will do anything to make you happy and i am sure you would do the same for him.
2006-12-11 09:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by Real 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would rather have a husband who is up front about why he looks at porn. Do you two have a good sexual relaitonship? Has he said anything about not being satisfied?
Try talking to him and asking why he enjoys the porn. Is there something particuler that he looks at that perhaps you could do for him?
I agree, pornography is for single men, and once a man gets into a monogamous relationship he should get his satisfaction from the woman he loves.
2006-12-11 08:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's perfectly fine...many guys have sex drives that exceed their wive's and/or get aroused when their wife isn't around...cheating would be if he were interacting with a "live" person...porn isn't cheating...why not let him know you are aware of it, and that it's okay so he doesn't feel he need to hide it...
In fact...watch it with him sometimes as part of y'alls sex play...you may find it less unappealing than you imagine, and it would probably please him that you are accepting of it...
Guys are very visual creatures and pretty sexual as well...let him have his fun (as long as it isn't excessive/addiction)...be glad he's using porn and not seeking out women online, phone, or real life...
He's proving that YOU are the only woman for him...he just likes a little more frequent release...when I was married my husband and I used to occasionally watch porn together...if I wasn't "in the mood" it would usually get me there...I still have my own little porn collection and would have no problem letting a guy I'm seeing know i have it, or watch it with me...in fact, I enjoy it more with someone than alone...
2006-12-11 08:41:02 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of us perverted men. He won't admit it because he is embarassed, but on the other hand he's probably not cheating on you either. If he had an extramarital relationship he wouldn't be masterbating.
Perhaps find a way to spice up the bedroom life or if you are real brave you can fulfill every man's true dream and bring in a second lady for some action.
2006-12-11 08:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel that porn is disrespectful? I think that most men watch it every now and again. I see nothing wrong with it unless it is an obsession. If it isn't hurting your marriage and by this I mean if it isn't effecting your sex life, why worrying about it. Men are visual creatures and if you want him to stop watching porn, maybe you should try doing something new and unexpected. You have to keep your man interested in you. He is lying about it because he knows that you disapprove, maybe if you stop complaining he'll stop lying and maybe even stop watching them.
2006-12-11 08:53:04 · answer #9 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is cheating...I bet every guy out there would not agree, I think it is not so much that he is doing it but he hides it...it would make me wonder what the heck else he is hiding.
The thing is that we are wired differently, men and women. I have NEVER even thought of looking at nude guys to get off...yuk..Apparently men think about it as just being men,,,,I don't understand it but porn to them is just that, porn.
I would be ticked off too but again, not so much that he does it, but that he hides it. Maybe you could sort of participate w/him in a way that is not offensive to you...although I can't imagine how that could happen.
I am married and my hubby used to frequent strip clubs...lap dances the whole nine yards...but once I let him know how messed up these chicks were, and they are, he took a different view and he hates it nw too...maybe hubby needs to know these women are always of low self esteem and abusd...good luck.
2006-12-11 08:46:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋