Is it wrong to have sex with someone other than the husband if he is not sexually compatible with the wife?

Question

Mine has been a marriage of 10 years and since day 1, me and my husband have not been compatible sexually. There were always reasons for non performance, lack of interest and if there were no reasons, then it was a classic case of wham, bam, there we go mam, with me being left high and dry totally unsatisfied. I have patiently tried all these years explaining what i want (I am very reasonable and don't expect the moon fyi) but it all has fallen into deaf years. All said and done, i am human too. I am being highly tempted to sleep with someone else purely for physical pleasure because i am totally unsatisfied. My brain wants me to go ahead and do this but my heart is advising me otherwise. What should i do?

Answer 1

The reason for marriage is to do & enjoy sex & if you are not able to do it with your spouse this amounts to cruely & fit case for judicial seperation & divorce. Your husband requires phycological sex counselling but if he refuse they tell him that it wont be possible for you to live with him like this. I personally feel doing sex outside marriage is wrong morally, legally ,as well as from health point of view. If you sleep with some one else you dont know his heath condition with spread of so many sexually transmitting desease includding AIDS, as well you yourself will feel mentally guilty for doing so. One more thing more why dont you get blue videos & see it with your husband & make him to do as you see in these videos this will increase his intrest in sex as you want.

Answer 2

Shreya, in very simple words...You can only follow on thing either your heart or then your needs...You have followed your heart for 10 years and madam, may I ask you if this was the case with a man do you think he would EVER have waited for so long in the first place? Now with the obvious answer as NO...Please for once follow your need rather than your heart...Please be sure that the man you inviting into your area of privacy is first a person who would understand like I did about your need and why you are doing this, next make sure you speak to the person and it better be someone you have never met ever its always better than going to a friend or then a person who is acquianted to you...perfer a man who has a family and why not get involved just for the physical thing...You will atleast not release that negetivity at home or then this issue would not completely destroy your marriage...Please do not expect your husband to understand your needs since, if he has not in 10 yrs then he will never know it now and never in the future...You have a life and so please live it and keep this to yourself and go ahead...I wish someone did help me out too by being around...Hope we both do find someone to relate to since we cannot leave and we cannot digest the unsatisfaction. All the best and wish you better luck than I have had. Just go for it madam and keep it discreet and under the wraps. End of the day decission is yours.

Answer 3

Well, don't do it-that would completely ruin your relationship, cause distrust and he may never want to touch you again. Since I study astrology-I'd do a synastry chart and see where the real sexual problems are coming from and how to address the issue from an astrological stance.
10 years is a long time to go unsatisfied. Since words are falling on deaf ears, it's time for you to change your actions, and don't let him get away with leaving you high and dry-time to get a little selfish...and play a little game-"Monkey see, monkey do". Tell him he has do to you-everything and anything that you do to him. This is your chance to get back exactly what you've given(and want) and hopefully he's a good copy-cat lol....

Answer 4

Well Shreya all i can say u is that i have firm believe i god and strongly believe in my religion too(Hinduism).

According to Hinduism We get this life of Human Being after Long Journey of passing through 84,000 unis(hindi word). and this life is meant for incarnation , because it is in this life only when you can Do something to get close to God. See your Sorroundings see, other species U will find one thing common in them and that is they dont have a social life. They dont have a Family ,even the Pupies of same Dog do Sex with eachother. It is only we Human who Live in society.
Well to an extent I understand ur Problem why Dont u ask
for a divorce with ur husband. If u r going to get in to relatonship with som other Person that Means u Will be demolishing ur Image in the Eyes of ur Children(If any) and you will feel giulty on every step. Might Be the others Say u or Not but your Inner self will Say You "Postitute". Wait a minute sister i m just a 20 year old boy and i m here to only clear your confusion . Ask your husband to Refer to some Sexologist.
In lucknow THere is very famous Sexologist Somene "Jain", and try to Keep Faith in God Put your Wishes In to Prayers, You will definitely feel Deep Relax

Answer 5

hai shreya,

ur name is dam good. i like the heroine shreya.
what r u thinking?
i asked a question and she is reponding unevenly.
no!!!!!!!
i am coming to ur point but a short introduction is needed to advise u to the right path
as i am Psychologist.

3 more questions shreya

1Q. is he good n loving the times other than bed.
2Q. u told tried many times but not working?do u find the reason WHY?is he physicaly as well mentally fit?
3Q. do u have children?

my first question concerns that if he is very loving and looks after u better ,the care n concern that u need is sufficiently shared with you then think in a way which makes ur bed time more enjoyable.firstly if ulove him and to stay with him if the sexuall need is satisfied according to ur need.

my Suggestion:
if yes to the above question:
better go for family counselling which works out better n good.both of ur opinions r changed according to ur needs in the sessions of counselling

this is traditional bond not to be left for the material needs.
love stays in life, but not the sex between the couples.
dont think in such a way.sex is something which enables the couple to get closer , it should not make us think narrow.

if the case is other think twice before acting.

finally u have decided to go for the physical pleasure
then respect marriage n give divorce to ur husband n get in to other .

if u have a child please dont go away

definetly if u respect marriage,traditions and keep faith in god , and he will look after u good!!!!!!!

hope for a good future.

best of luck!!!!!!!!!

again i am saying sex is jus a material aspect and not soul n god

if u change ur opinion and stay back with heart filled happiness pls let me know

Answer 6

Instead of having extramarital relations it will be more honest if you get separated from your husband and divorce him. This is a serious problem and you can have divorce through mutual consent as your husband would not like any one to know about his incapability. There is no need to discuss the reasons and you both can part with dignity. You have wasted 10 long years with this man. It is a pity.

Answer 7

I have been married 15 years and teh last ten or so she has not had any desire so I understand. You will have to decide what to do on this one. Try counseling try anything else first. Is tghis the only issue between you two? If so there is hope.

Email if you wish to discuss.

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Answer 8

Maybe your husband would like to watch or bring is a third person? You could ask if you want to do the faithful thing. You could start a purely physical relationship on the side, but be warned that the physical relationship can easily turn emotional if you are truly getting satisfied.

Answer 9

For 10 long years you have been sleeping with others. Great knock. You must have asked your husband, your legal means i think it is your lust which is driving you to share yourself with others without the knowledge of your legal partner. Why did you not discuss this matter with your husband who alone could be the best remedy for you. The deceiving act can satisfy you at present but could subsequently guide you to illegal trade. Better keep yourself indoors.

Answer 10

long 10 years of unsatisfied married life is miserable. i dont think it is bad if u want to be satisfied by other man. at first its better to go for divorce on sexual ground. if it is not possible for you, then u can satisfy urself on ur own way. its not a sin or it is not bad to satisfy yourself.