Don't mind the avatar or name, this is my wife's account. I am writing because I am the youngest of four children, who have left to take care of my mom. She livesalone.
The other three siblings fell out with me and my mom, for differing reasons. I am married, work full time as well as study, so making time for my mom is not easy.
It's even harder when she refuses or is unable to do things to help herself. She is 66 (but does'nt look it) she is generally healthy although won't go out the house alone, relying on me to meet her, take her to teh shops and anywhere else.
She retired five years ago, but has'nt had a retirment plan, any ideas I put to her, she rejects, because she wants to be taken around be car, because she claims she has agorophobia but I don't think that's it.
It's hard when she won't listen. She goes through periods of not calling me at all, not answering the phone, locking her door and not letting me in to calling loads of times, usually at the most busy times. help
2006-12-10 23:59:29 · 14 answers · asked by Jodie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your mom needs to learn to live her life relying on herself...I have a mother who is 62, she was like that, i was a afraid to get married and leave her that she would die alone in the house and wouldn't do anything for herself...But with her, her whole life she was taken care of, by my father before he was killed and by me after he was...I talked to my mom and told her she needed to start going to the store, whereever by her self...It took a few years and now she is out and about, doing things for herself.
Sometimes we just have to put our foot down, like we are the parent and they are the children...She may be mad at first, she'll get over it. As long as mom is healthy, the best thing if she wants to live a longer life, is to live it...Those that hide in the house and are the oh poor me types, dont live long and you want you mama to live a long life...Be there for her, dont baby her...
2006-12-11 00:36:40 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She may have agoraphobia as you said, or just fears about the future. Going into retirement is a huge adjustment, and can be quite difficult for some people. I think resolving family issues may help, and trying to see if your other siblings may be willing to help. If you are still worried about her well being there are quite a few helplines and advice centres. Unfortunately, being British, my Internet search only comes up with British ones.
2006-12-11 08:10:25 · answer #2 · answered by thomastalkson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and encourage her to get a circle of her own friends, her own age. She needs to get an interest in something, this might help her to become a little more self-sufficient.
She needs a positive role model her age in the same situation as her (either divorcee or widowed, which ever applies) Once she sees that she can be independent and happy, it will make the world of difference.
All you have to do is know her enough to know what interests she has.
2006-12-11 08:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by kimison_au 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a social life, thankfully she is still in good health, does she not have any friends, hobbies etc. because she's in good health I would probably back off a little and see if she will help herself, maybe go over once a week and phone every other day maybe and see how that goes.
2006-12-11 08:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what it seems to me, is mom has depression. I really think you and her need to see a counselor. Did your dad die? are they divorced? Your mom needs a total physical. You don't want her coming down with alzheimer's. See the counselor, and MOM needs some friends. Women who choose to stay home too much and not socialize, become very depressed, and it weighs on their health eventually. You mom is too needy at this point, she needs some self esteem and motivation. Good luck okay?
2006-12-11 08:20:07 · answer #5 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, your mom is SCARED- and she doesn't know how to deal with her feelings, it must be really hard feeling alone, knowing your going down hill and really not knowing if you can count on your children.
ALWAYS REMEMBER MOM WAS THERE TO PICK YOU UP, TO GIVE YOU HER HAND-
Get professional help if you can't get through to her, but don't leave her alone.
Luck to you.
2006-12-11 08:07:34 · answer #6 · answered by Taz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is trying to get you attention. Ask her to join the senior citizen club and if she refuses, ask her best friend to talk her round. The Senior Citizen Club will keep her time occupied and she will not be lonely anymore.
2006-12-11 08:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by Cutebunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a difficult one! it sounds like your mother is jealous that you don't have enough time, so she wants to be taken to the shops etc. my dad is 64 and fit as a fiddle, so i don't think it's an age thing. anyway, try talking to her about things, but at the end of the day it really shouldn't be your responsibility as you've got your own life to live!
2006-12-11 08:05:52 · answer #8 · answered by Grace 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
be supportive, even when you know in your heart that she may be wrong. Its best to build up trust before trying to tell some one how to help themselves. Just be patient.
2006-12-11 08:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by think outside the box 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should definitely get your brothers/sisters back on board.
2006-12-11 08:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by Chris M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋