http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=47735
That's the link to the story. It was popular until I got banned. Tell me if you guys think it's sweet.
I wrote it myself and there are som small errors.
2006-12-10 23:06:01 · 12 answers · asked by ZZ 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It's still in progress, and I'll finish when my ban is lifted.
Also, it will be like that.
2006-12-10 23:12:01 · update #1
I got banned for being 12.
Rai and Tibs should have been permabanned for harrassment or something.
2006-12-10 23:19:10 · update #2
Ash, I'm Sean.
2006-12-11 10:56:24 · update #3
You want my honest opinion?
No, I do not think it's cool or sweet. I's crap.
The mechanics are okay, so they sentencs read nicely. But the actual meaning of the words aren't quite so good. Perhaps if i knew that the author was not 'Sean", I would have liked it a smidgen better. But you have glorified him, making the story a boring read, and you seem like a concietious prat. Not the image I imagine that you might like as an author. Perhaps if you did not make him as well liked, critique his friends to make him seem higher, or call him a math genius as a problem. The attempt at symbolism with the rain was appreciated, but poorly executed. I like the idea of the story of the life through the eyes of a 'troubled' young boy, but there are so many poorly written, cliche, books with an ending that is easy to predict. Honestly, the only thing that I think would redeem it now is if, after Sean got the girl, something happened to make it bittersweet, like one of them died, although that would make it even more cliche, with the other one pining after them. Or maybe if he cheated on Dell with watsherface, the charismatic girl,and everyone ended up unhappy. The story could suddenly turn around and get interesting, but that is highly unlikely. If you wish to continue with the story and putting Sean on a pedestal, at least change the viewpoint so it is told directly by him or one of his friends
Its alright if you want to make your own fantasies, and post them on yahoo answers, but when you ask for honest critiques, this is what you get.
2006-12-11 09:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Skylar and Lincoln Skylar and Blade Skylar and Damon Skylar and Dallas Skylar and Victor Skylar and Zaidan Skylar and Zavier Skylar and Ramon Skylar and Rocky Skylar and Ryker wish those help good luck with the story
2016-10-05 04:10:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not checking out anything that comes from someone that says I will finish when my ban is lifted
2006-12-10 23:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by Mindy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The story was good, except it basically says that addictions are a normal teen thing. They are not. Love, crushes, stress, peer pressure are normal, addiction is not.
2006-12-10 23:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am also banned from FFR :( but anyways stepmania online is alot better i would convert to that if i was you
2006-12-12 05:16:40 · answer #5 · answered by i_index 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does it give the computer viruses??
i gotta know before i read your story
2006-12-13 12:26:04 · answer #6 · answered by xWill_Smith_Luverx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want me to proof read that for you? I'm serious, I can be your editor or something.
2006-12-11 07:54:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Virus.
=]
2006-12-10 23:06:57 · answer #8 · answered by Michael Angarano's ONLY wife 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
it was really good my question.... why did you get banned?
2006-12-10 23:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by mrs. Tink 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
pretty coo. i love it. have you everthought of bein a writer???
2006-12-11 09:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋