im married to this man that im talkin about.he hired a hooker to do car service, for BJ (which i hate to do and dnt do).of course no man will admit their faults.im not that stupid,to believe him that its nt true...after finding a condom wrap under the front seat the next day.he had no idea where that wrap came from,2 think that its only him & me uses the car.confusion made me nosy...checkd the online bill details/current activity of his cellphne..got the #s (in/out calls) he made that night...and one # appeared to be his phonepal. i dialled that #, voicemail of course, but a woman's VM .i got the name..searchd the web...a web page popped up with the infos...found out that shes providng car service (BJ only with plastic).talked to him,in a nice way,regarding this,but responded immaturely.i ignored it,acted that it never happened..just for r child's sake.since then,things chnged btween us..negatvely.he lost my trust.whats d best thing to do?should i stay?is it still worth it?
2006-12-10 21:11:40 · 27 answers · asked by zoom113 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Buy a BJ sex toy for him.
They even have A.Hole one.
I like BJ but not with plastic on (and no man on earth like it with rubber), so I think your man is still quite alright because he still care about you.
2006-12-10 21:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by electricgold2002 5 · 16⤊ 0⤋
Men have strange fantasies, and so do women, but sorry I am not generalising, (I guess I am, because more of men with such situations), but if you dont get it at home, you wander around elsewhere. He was not getting something from you, and he craved for it, which led him to do this. It must have been some point of frustration, but its wrong anyway. Whatever the explanations are, I mean, that is not just cheating you, but I was also thinking on how he would react if you had wandered for something you were not getting with him.
It is easy for me to tell you that you should walk away, if you do not have any trust in him anymore, and that you need to start a whole new life. Nothing wrong with that, but it would be sad, so you have to decide that Okay, while he did cheat you, and he knows that you found out, so is he doing anything to restore back the trust, and save the marriage ? After this incident, did he show you more attention, or does he look as if he really is sorry for what happened ? If he is, then you could just reconsider, and may be worth it for your childs sake. If not, just separate, cos' it would not make sense to live under the same roof, with a child involved in this marriage, and having to live with the ''insecure'' feeling. Your life will not end here, so move on, with strength, and your mind clear that you were not the cause of this relationship ending.
good luck
2006-12-10 21:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, none of us can tell you if you should stay.
Its also completely irrelevant to talk about blame. It doesn't matter.
If you're going to stay together, he needs to rebuild your trust, you probably need to learn to give bjs, and both of you need to drop any resentment you feel (cause I can guarantee that he's bitter his wife won't give him BJs). The resentment has _got_ to go if you're gonna survive as a couple.
Or you can walk. Its pretty obvious that he didn't get a hooker because he 'can't be faithful' he got a hooker because he can't handle not getting BJs. It really doesn't matter if anyone thinks that's reasonable or not, that's how it is. So I can guarantee that if you stay married and do not start giving him BJ, this will happen again. If you do, there's no real reason to think he'd stray again.
As for the 'hooker' bit ... making it worse ... really? Would it have been better if he'd gotten a gf on the side who gave BJ? He got the one thing he wanted in the most discrete manner possible without investing any more time or emotion then necessary.
I'm not trying to say you should stay. That's up to you. And it probably seems like a double whammy to stay - you need to forgive him, and start sucking him! You probably feel like he's at fault, why should he be rewarded! It doesn't matter. If you're gonna stay, you two both need to just work on the future.
I know what I'd do, but that doesn't matter. I'm not you.
2006-12-12 04:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, only you can answer this question.
But, losing trust is a big thing. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust or someone who can't trust you?
My suggestion, IF you want this to work...
1. Go to counseling, of course. You need to deal with this trust issue and nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Do not wait too long on this. The resentment will keep building up until it turns to hate, and that is the worst thing that can happen to a family...especially your child. To hate your child's father/mother is FAR worse than divorcing them and still being kind towards one another. You two are the only model of what a relationship is supposed to be like to your child...try to keep it decent and civil.
2. Broaden your horizons. Giving a guy a BJ is NOT all that bad once you learn how to do it. It is really a mind thing. If you can look at it like this: When he is in this position, YOU are one in control. You can tease, or you can satisfy. If you feel it is "unclean", try it first just after he takes a shower. Use a condom if you need to. Many women won't do this because it is too taboo. That is just the way you were taught, so break out of your shell a little. It is OK to explore and have an adventure every once in a while. Sex is something to enjoy and to be shared between two people who love each other...don't look at any of it as "gross" or "nasty", doing that could ruin your marriage and any hope of fulfilling future relationships should you divorce.
3. TRUST him, even when you don't want to. Don't assume that everytime he comes home late that he is cheating. Episodes like that every once in a while is no indication that he is seeing someone else. NOW, if it is constantly...several days a week, be worried. If after you have done all the things above and you still catch him cheating...move on, he must not love you or respect you enough to be a man and stay at home.
It is worth a try to give him another chance, if you want to. It is going to be harder than it was before. But, you have to be careful not to fall into that trap of "stalking" him or "interrogating" him everytime he makes a false move.
Good luck!
2006-12-10 21:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always think it's better to forgive and forget, and if he had admitted to it and said he was sorry I think I would forgive him. But the way he's acted about it, the act was bad enough, but to lie about it and behave immaturely, I don't know if I could get over it.
I think for the sake of your child you should try to fix things, even though you have done nothing wrong. If he won't talk to you then write him a letter explaining how you feel.
Also, if he is that bothered about not getting BJ's from you that he behaves like this, then maybe you should think about whether you could face doing it once every so often. You don't have to swallow. However I do think he should respect your decision.
2006-12-10 21:21:08 · answer #5 · answered by Velouria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you shouldn't stay. He had sexual relations with a hooker, no matter what they use there is still chance of diseases, do you want you chid(ren) around that?
Can you ever trust him again? He won't even admit it.
Next time he will be more careful and throw that wrapper away.
It doesn't matter if you don't like giving bj's, it does not give him the right to cheat.
Please have some respect for yourself and leave him now before he does it again and he will as long as you put up with it.
2006-12-10 22:37:55 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....without trust you don't have much.....he has cheated with a hooker, lied to you about it, took time and money away from your family....you spent time tracking everything down....how many times do you want to be putting up with this...because next time, he will just be more careful so that it will be tougher for you to figure out...and what if one of these hookers will give him a bj bareback....don't know a man that wouldn't prefer that....and then he brings home some nice STD or worse? How will you feel then.....It's up to you what you are willing to put up with but if it were me, his bags would be packed and on the front lawn faster then he could say "what condom?" Good luck
2006-12-10 21:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're truly not incorrect. You felt like the guy replaced into molesting you & you've been pushing him away. He probably took slightly great element about your difficulty. don't be mad on the spouse although. She's not a ideas reader. You by no skill informed her that he replaced into doing some thing to make you uncomfortable. I save in ideas yet another positioned up of yours from a even as decrease back. All she is established with is that her husband helps a pal in a time of favor. the actual shown truth that she's guard in her marriage & enables him to come back on my own is truly not some thing more advantageous than being naive to the issue. i must be embarrassed for her yet not indignant. are you able to in elementary words call her & clarify that you've been in a foul position on the time & you opt for to thank her for her help yet you've been feeling slightly smothered? i imagine she ought to understand. enable her comprehend that you're shifting on & you do not opt for to talk about your melancholy anymore or have that be the most objective of your friendship. i does not carry out with both one in each and every of them once you're uncomfortable although. only save your distance & get it decrease back to them being more advantageous pals somewhat than pals that are too close & in contact.
2016-11-30 10:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You created this situation by not providing something that most men desire. To all of the wives that think it is ok to not give their husbands fellatio think again. This is a huge issue and is part of a loving sex life for both men and women. I never understand why a woman would knowingly not pleasure her husband in a way she knows he desires and then wonder why he decided to get it elsewhere. I am not saying this makes it ok to cheat but do you not see how temptation was fostered here?
2006-12-11 05:43:15 · answer #9 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
excuse me but did you just ask if it was worth it to stay with a man that cheated on you ? are you okay ,do you need your head examined? I am not trying to be mean but do you realize he could be bringing home alot more than a condom wrapper . You know little things like aids and several other sexually transmitted diseases. Cmon woman you know better leave cause he will never change . good luck .
2006-12-11 00:06:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares that you don't give bj's. He married you knowing this... If you started dating a guy because you're husband doesn't do something (spend enough $$ on you, give you enough foreplay, ask you how you're doing, etc) that would be equally as outrageous. 1) He cheated on you. 2) He used a prostitute. 1 would make me leave him, and 2 would make it a whole lot easier. Don't start giving bj's now - it will only reward him for cheating on you with a prostitute...
2006-12-10 21:44:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋