My Close Cousin Sister/Friend is professional and misusing my relation with her…..what should I do?

Question

Hi Friends !!! My problem is personal, but I want answer on humanitarian grounds.
My cousin sister is a professional writer and writing books for the last 4-5 years.
Few days back she requested me to help her in her computer work as well as proof reading work. I agreed because we are very close with each other. Initially, she told me she would be paying me as per market rates. She took my help not only once but 4 times. However, I was flabbergasted when she tried to compensate me by giving small and old gifts like old clothes. I refused to accept those gifts. She showed her annoyance but I politely said ‘no’. Now, what should I do, I am really not able to forget about the labour I put in for her and her unethical approach, in reality, is heartbreaking and hurting. Can any one of you suggest me what exactly should I do, should I forget about my labour or should I discontinue doing work for her, I am completely confused.
Waiting anxiously for your precious suggestions-Barkha

Answer 1

if u enjoy the work then go ahead and help out.... think of it as ur just helping someone in need.... onthe other hand... if u don't like wat u r doing then give it up... don't help out. think of something polite to say to ur cousin like ur busy or ur getting a headache or somehing when u read so many books.... don't spoil ur relationship over this, but at the same time don't get caught up in doing something u don't enjoy. remember.. no one should ever make u do something u don't like to do.

Answer 2

Gifts - small or big is a sweet way of expressing gratitude, but giving you old clothes ? thats really disgusting. Usually its quite normal between sisters to hand down clothes that may not fit them, or share them with their own sisters, but if that was her way of rewarding you for your work, then I think just like she had confirmed to you that she would pay you on market rates, you should remind her that you were expecting your pay/salary for your work at market rates. You may have to be careful, cos' you have to first make yourself sure that she is really not paying you. Like probably she is giving you gifts, but thinking of paying you once the work is done. Anyway, Talk, clear misunderstandings. Take a break of a day or two, she may ask you whats wrong, or why you werent' coming to do the work, at which point you could tell her that you have put in your work, and tell her now you have other jobs to complete which are being paid (that may convey your message), or try saying it indirectly in some other way, like example, ''You know when I get paid, I was thinking of buying a gift for my mom/dad/bro/sis''', and if it still doesnt get into her head, then move on. I mean, you did not have any formal agreement, or discussion on this issue, now if you were to throw a tantrum/argument then you would hurt the relationship as well. If you really dont care on the relationship being disturbed, then go ahead and claim for it. But you get paid or not paid, you now know how your cousin sister is like. And I am sure you would keep away from such situations and distance yourself from any commitments from such people (relative, or not a relative).

good luck

Answer 3

hey barkha,
if u can talk her into making up and paying u for the time u put in, (remind her that she had told u about 'market rates').

If ur too close to do that, or just not upto it, simply say no. Either directly or give some excuse about having some other engagements. And make sure u dont ever work for her again. A person who doesnt realize ur worth or value once, is unlikely to do so later (unless u make them ;)
Regards
Sid

Answer 4

I think you should ask her politely, so what rates are you offering me for my work, next time she asks for your help. Give a huge smile and say, you haven't given me a dime for all that previous work yet. If she says anything, you should be frank and tell that you didn't expect gifts but money when you helped her out. Even in close relationships, you have to be rude and straight to the point sometimes. If she says nothing and does not offer you a suitable payment, just stop working for her and tell her that you have some other work to finish, so you won't be able to help her further.

Answer 5

u have been polite and refused the gifts and old clothes that she offered.. the kind of work u have put in seems to be the reason u are feelin so bad about it, so you rightfully ask for what is due to you and stop workin after that. if that is the thing u like to do, i am sure u can find many others who would wanna employ you. if u dont get ur dues - u have learnt a precious lesson for life girl!!

Answer 6

Hi, I think that you should contact a lawyer and ask them to send her a letter asking for the money owed. Normally this should be enough to alarm. However if not, then you may have to consider going to a small claim court and asking for your money that way, the person will be responsible for paying all your court costs too.
I certainly would not do anymore work for her. I know you may feel reluctant to go to a lawyer as she is a cousin but if you have tried asking for your money and got nowhere then is is the only course left open to you and you must not feel guilty about it, you are the innocent party

Answer 7

I think u should have spoken about the payments before u start working to her.
Anyways u cannot change what already happened
So better sit with her and tell her what u want for ur work.
and sort out the differences amicably.
if she refused to pay what u expect for ur work better stop working for her.
But never work with half hearted manner.That kind of work will never produce a good result.
Even if u think money or payment does not matter andcontinue working for her do it heartfully
ok.

Answer 8

what i understand your problem- you want your money back. you want to overcome from the heart- break also. i have sympathy with you.
to get the money you have to see what big the amount was. if it was big enough then what steps can be taken according to law.if you are not satisfied dont work for free or credit.try to sort out the problem by talking to her. it will need great courage.
being upset will not help you any way and it will worsen the problem.try some solution but accept the results also good or bad. take lesson.

Answer 9

I am sure, you dont want to be exploited, even by a close relative. What your cousin is doing is nothing short of exploitation. You be assertive and make a very clear agreement with her that if she wanted your help, she needs to pay you by whatever rates you have mutually agreed upon. Else, she could find another person to help her.

Answer 10

IF SHE SAID THAT SHE WOULD COMPENSATE YOU FOR YOUR WORK - THEN that is what she should do....Did she say how she was going to pay you for your help?
Even though you would probably do it for free because you care so much about her --I would ask her about it the next time that she requested my help............
I would just wait until she ask me again and when she did -- Then I would say politely that " I still havn't been paid as you said that you were going to pay me-For the last time I helped you...
She might be insulted and pout But your time is exactly that-YOUR TIME--and she offer to buy your time...Now it is time for payment.........

Answer 11

Been there ,done that setting up a small advertising booklet.
I would cut and run before you are used some more and a bitter resentment builds up.
You are obviosly not going to get recognition for your hard work so just withdraw it.