This hurts so much?!?

Question

I know this isn't a health question but maybe some other women can help me? My boyfriend and I have been fighting lately and we had a huge fight a couple of days ago and we had another one again tonight and it just hurts so much when we fight. I don't know what to do whenever we fight it always seems like it is always my fault and it makes me wonder why I am so messed up and why I am not good enough, I try so hard to make him happy but lately every time I turn around I find something else i have done to upset him again. He says he loves me and I am the only one who makes him happy but most days that is so hard to belive and honestly speaking I don't believe it, how could i? I need help I don't know what to do anymore I wish that I could be perfect but even though I try so so hard I can't be, this is killing me I can't keep fighting like this with him any more it is too hard and it hurts too much. Breaking up is out of the question I just need to know how to try to fix this. Thank you

Answer 1

If leaving him is out of the question, then you need to learn how to live with him. Sometimes, it's not the person that we live with that is responsible, but we ourselves, how we are reacting to what they are saying or doing.
You CAN"T BE perfect! The only person that was perfect, is Jesus. If your boyfriend is trying to make you feel like it is always your fault, that you aren't good enough for him, then maybe he is the one that is unhappy, and in the wrong, instead of you. However, it takes two to argue, You take away one of the two, then there is no one left for him to argue with, meaning: WALK AWAY! Who says you have to stay there and argue with him?! Him? or you? Do you have a point that you think you have to prove? When it comes to arguing, I CHOOSE NOT TO! I go for a walk, for a ride, or emotionally separate myself from my husband when he thinks he wants to argue with me. Life is too short, and I don't have the energy for it any more. So in order to protect my own mental health, I go for a walk, and won't discuss what we were arguing about until I can talk about the subject without being mad and wanting to argue with him. If I can't say what I need to say in a PEACEFUL WAY, I won't say it, and if I can't make myself say it that way, then I do something else until I can. Sometimes, I've just taken a shower, went outside and sat on the porch. I've put the SUBJECT and HIM in time out, and myself, until I CAN CONTROL ME! I may need to say what he isn't going to like, but I don't have to say it in a way that is going to put him on the defensive, by using "I" messages, and taking responsibility for my own feelings, and not blaming him for either doing, saying, or not doing what I think he should of or shouldn't of done.
Being humble enough to admit when I am really wrong, and not being wrong just because he says I am, keeps me from having to feel like I have to be perfect, and loosing my own self esteem. Agreeing to disagree with him is okay with me. It may not be okay with him, but as long as it is okay with myself, and I'm at peace with myself, then I'm okay with him disagreeing with me.
I too make a lot of mistakes, and he is usually right about what we were arguing about, however, there are times when he isn't right. If I can't verbally talk to him about what I don't agree with, then I write it in a note. Then he doesn't have to listen to me, just read, and I don't loose my own peacefulness, because I am telling him how I feel, yet keeping my sanity and not loosing my "niceness."

Answer 2

Breaking up IS NOT out of the question. Its the answer! Your boyfriend is a control freak. How can you love someone who deliberately is setting out to hurt you in every way he can. You deserve better than him, and believe me, there ARE plenty more boys out there who could make you happy. Stop trying to please him, nothing works does it? If you dont believe he loves you , (and you said it) let him go. Stop hurting yourself. Have enough confidence in yourself to know that you can find your perfect soul mate, (everyone has one somewhere , and this boys'not it.) So take a deep breath and tell him its over and why. And dont change your mind when he keeps contacting you ! I wish you good luck and that you find plenty of determination to carry this thru.

Answer 3

First, don't listen to people telling you to break up. They don't know the whole story. It's the Christmas season everyone is grumpy and easily annoyed. Maybe you two are both just stressed. Women are overly sensitive as well. Talk to him about it. Maybe be intimate for a night and see if it can bring you two back together. If he says he loves you and he seems sincere, then what is there to worry about. It's probably just a little stress. Wait it out Hun.

Answer 4

Wow. I'm going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend! He always makes me feel like the arguements are my fault...but he insists that their not...are the things you fight over stupid little things that don't really matter? I would just suggest sitting him down and talking with him...explain to him how you feel and how he makes you feel. I've done this a few times with mine and it seems to work. Don't treat him how he treats you, because then it will *never* end and it brings up more pain...instead ask him how he would feel if you did these things to him and yelled at him all the time. Good luck :)

Answer 5

Why on earth is breaking up out of the question? Is he dying or something? If you choose to stay with someone who puts you into this self loathing mode, you should not be in a relationship at all and instead focus on yourself and how to make yourself happy. Obviously you are not making him happy if he is blaming everything wrong on you. And for you to have a low self esteem because of him is unacceptable and masochistic.

I have done what the guy is doing to you to men and have had it done to me. Usually when I have done it to men (yes, I'm a Virgo) they just say they are SO sorry and totally take the blame (and their mentality is just like yours), and then all of a sudden they flip out with "why is everything always my fault!" and then we break up. When men do it to me I break up with them immediately and move on. It's better to be single than in a dysfunctional relationship.

Answer 6

Turn to God right now. Just be still and know that he is God. He knows your pains, your hurts, your worries, your fears, and he counts every tear. Take a deep breath and realize that you are not in control, God is. I was with a guy for about a year...we were fighting so much, i though I could never break up with him and move out, so I toughed it out........God had other plans for me, he took me out of that situation and now I'm with a much better guy who makes me feel so important. I'm not saying it will be over w/ your boyfriend, just that you have to let go and let God do his work and fix things. Just let go. God loves you and knows your pain. He's listening to your prayers. Pray and pray, for he is listening, and everything is ok, because you put your life in his hands. God bless you, it'll be ok.

Answer 7

Ugh is he a Virgo? He sounds like a Virgo.

Anyway. The best thing to do is turn it around on him and treat him like he is treating you. Make him see what it is like from your point of view and hopefully things will come into focus for him and everything will work out. If you have to take a situation that he is yelling at you for and fill in him and people he knows so it is easier for him to relate to. For example: If he is mad at you for hanging out with a friend of yours that is an enemy of his ask him what it would be like for his best friend to be your enemy and how he would feel if you were mad at him just for hanging out with a good friend.

That will especially work if he is a Virgo.

Best of Luck!

Answer 8

There is a frightening hadith of Prophet(pbuh) I have no idea the distinctive phrases however the hadith is that If a Muslim see an oppression and makes a decision to not do whatever approximately it, does not condemn the acts of the oppressor by way of his middle or by way of his speech have the bottom degree of Emaan.

Answer 9

Hi really sounds like you having a hard time.It sounds like he is manipulating you.Could he have cheated and is blaming you to feel better about himself?Mental abuse isn't good as it leads to physical abuse or depression.Try to talk to him about what he is doing to your selfesteem and if he really loves you,will compromise.I know being inlove with someone has its ups and downs but if it starts to affect your being,is it worth it in the long run?Trust me,have the talk.Goodluck...

Answer 10

have a good talk with him because it may really helps. since you do not want a break up, sorting things out with him is the best choice. but if he doesn't loves you anymore, please accept the fact because you'll feel more hurt as the days go by.
all the best!