My boyfriend and I have been fighting lately and we had a huge fight a couple of days ago and we had another one again tonight and it just hurts so much when we fight. I don't know what to do whenever we fight it always seems like it is always my fault and it makes me wonder why I am so messed up and why I am not good enough, I try so hard to make him happy but lately every time I turn around I find something else i have done to upset him again. He says he loves me and I am the only one who makes him happy but most days that is so hard to belive and honestly speaking I don't believe it, how could i? I need help I don't know what to do anymore I wish that I could be perfect but even though I try so so hard I can't be, this is killing me I can't keep fighting like this with him any more it is too hard and it hurts too much. Breaking up is out of the question I just need to know how to try to fix this. Thank you for the help.
2006-12-10 19:51:46 · 15 answers · asked by cks 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first of alll sit down together and talk things through , ask what your doing wrong , as i don't beleive its entirly your fault , im not saying he has a nother women but the signs are there , if he snaps at you and shouts at everything you do its 1 of the first signs as he feels guilty and has to find a way of arguing , sit him down and ask him right out if there is anyone else , he will deny it of course but watch his faceial expression , i hope im wrong on this , ... bu8t if you make him happy and he says he loves you then there should be room in your relationship for you both to sit down and discuss the problems , make note of what annoys him and try 2 change it a little , but hey hunny it works both ways don't you be the only one to grovel , you tell him what annoys you too then maybe if you both get it out in the open things will get better , good luck and i hope you both have a lovely xmas tilly xxxx
2006-12-10 19:58:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts. It hurts bad. I live w/ my boyfriend. We are just now starting to get along on a daily basis. Before it was crazy. For a bout 2 yrs. It was like every time we saw each other darts would fly, then they'd turn into missles, & before you now it a nuecliar bombs were going off.
For my situation I didn't want to break up the relationship either, but I also couldn't fight anymore. It's emotionally draining, not to mention physically damaging. I'd get so upset when we fraught that my stomach would start to hurt so bad. Turned out I actually got an ulcer from my stress. FROM STRESS! And I'm only 25! That's when you stop...you ask yourself is all this worth my physical AND emotional health going down the drain. And with that in mind you solve your delema...
It's a simple solution... think about this logically...you have two ways to deal w/ this problem. 1. Beakup or 2. Patch it up. Well w/ my decision, (& yours), #1 wasn't an option. So #2 is still, as we speak in the process of working, (in my relationship that is. But it is a process & you must give it time to work). But the key is is its working!
You both just have to compromise & COMMUNICATE. It takes both of your efforts. It can't just be an effort from you. On the communicating, (which, I think, is the most important), you both have to listen & see each others side of "the situation". Now that doesn't mean you have to agree; just see their side. Again its got to be A TWO PART EFFORT. For instance,...I hate shopping; but my boyfriend loves it. So I bite my thouge & go 1/2 of the time he invites me. The key.. he invited me. That's a good step for him. Me, I'm trying not to be so needy. There's nothing wrong w/ needing someone, but if your "needy" for the person its not healthy. Another thing you can do to get peace of mind is read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", by John Gray. That is a wonderful book. I'm still reading it & it helps me sooo much.
I hope I could help & good luck my dear...Always remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!
Kat, (Kitten)... : ^)
2006-12-10 20:22:23 · answer #2 · answered by Katell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw, hugs to you. Please don't put all of the blame on yourself. It is almost never just one person's fault. Some people have the bad habit of putting all of the blame on their partner and taking none of the responsibility for the problems themselves. When my husband and I start getting irritable with each other I know we've been around each other too much and I try to spend a little time away and do my own thing for a bit. Have you asked him if there's anything that you could do to make things improve? If he says there's nothing wrong then I would take him at his word and try to keep positive and see if things improve. If they don't after a while then I would look into counseling.
2006-12-10 20:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he leave after "The fight"??? Most men "pick" a fight just because they are trying to get out and tackle theyre true agenda. The reason that they insult you is to...
1) make themsevles feel better.
2) To make you feel incompament and question yourself. There for taking the spot light off them.
Sorry but no one is perfect and Why is separation out of the question?
2006-12-10 20:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by justjellybeans 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are trying too hard and he can see it and that's why he is telling you that you make him happy because he can see how frustrated you are and yet you are still there. Take control of your life or he will control you for the rest of your life. Don't breakup with him just take control don't try anymore to make him happy let him make himself happy by making you happy and that is if he really do love you as you say.
Be a man to be with one and i don't mean physically being a man but emotionally strong like how men sometimes are.
2006-12-10 20:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by auntsid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a voluntary "Time Out". When the emotion is out of the way, one will be able to think clearer. This can be achieved by not seeing each other for a time period, usually 3 months. No dating during this time, because this will complicate things. You will be able to decide for your self if you want to keep the relationship or leave it.
Good Luck.
2006-12-10 20:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie it takes two in a relationship therefor not everything could possibly be your fault.If he's placing the blame on you or switching it to seem like its all you its to make him feel better, to justify what hes doing wrong.You cant always try to make him happy it needs to be mutual.It also sounds like you need to work on your self esteem maybe then you could be happy in your relationship.
2006-12-10 20:06:56 · answer #7 · answered by Oompa Loompa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you seem to be fighting over the same thing? If that's the case, perhaps it never gets resolved. It's not your job to constantly create his happiness. He needs to do that for himself. It's also not your job to fix everything. Please dont put yourself down. It cant ALWAYS be YOUR fault. He needs to accept blame as well.
2006-12-10 20:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If both of you love each other, then why none of you compromises or sacrifices??? This is the basic of a true love. Even if both of you are right or both of you are wrong, one should surrender himself or herself before the other just because YOU LOVE EACH OTHER. Don't try to let your ego come in loving, its catatrophic. And trust me,,, Surrendering before your love, is such a wonderful and lovely experience that is rarely felt.
2006-12-10 20:13:24 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he's happy making you feel worthless. Some people get off on that cuz it makes them feel superior. Check out some couples counseling and get your confidence back. Peace.
2006-12-10 19:57:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋