tell me if my sonnet is any good.?

Question

Like the continent that once was, our hearts
Are bound. Though distant are the corpses which
Bind them. I bring back to mind our last part,
And curse vile Time as if I were a witch.
For were it not for Time, in your arms I
would be. Time is evil, tricky, a pit,
slow, deadly. How I wish I could shanghai
Time, use it on our side for fighting it
is pointless. Make time our slave, “Go fast, now
slow.” Alas, this can not be done. Instead
we, the slaves to our villain, beg, “Allow
Our love to bloom. Let us lie in the bed
That is the same.” Dear Time, make our wish true;
Time skip through our split for love is long due.



please tell me if it sucks.

thanks :)

Answer 1

It seems that some respondents have taken issue with the lack of iambic meter in this sonnet. To me, it's obvious that you've not attempted to write in iambs, but have instead created a syllabic sonnet by adhering to 10 syllables per line. This is fine. In fact, I don't see any reason for 21st century poets to feel they must follow formulas of centuries past. It's certainly better to allow the sonnet to evolve and develop, and there are many good contemporary poets who are writing wonderful sonnets today that do not simply attempt to duplicate/mimic Shakespeare.

To me, your sonnet would be improved if it were even more willing to represent its time--i.e., not resort so readily to antiquated language and syntax. Phrases like "distant are the corpses" and "in your arms I would be" (which invert the normal subject/verb order), as well as words like "alas" trap this poem in a virtual poetic past. It's as though you feel you haven't written a "real" sonnet unless you make it sound "old."

If you were one of my writing students, I'd suggest rewriting this using your OWN language. Allow the rhythms, freshness, and beauty of contemporary speech to sing in your writing. This is NOT to say you should resort to slang. Rather, that you should allow the poem to speak as an object of the era in which is it being written.

I think there's real feeling in this piece, and I also detect a talented and careful writer at work. But, even not knowing you, I don't believe this sonnet lets YOUR original voice come forth. Don't resort to archaic poeticisms; they're a shield, something to hide behind when you're afraid that your own voice might not be "good" enough. But it IS good enough. Use it, polish it, let it shine.

(And be sure to read other living writers who are working with the sonnet in a fresh new way, such as Sybil Kollar--whose 2 extraordinary sonnets, "Sunday Matinee" and "Late Arrivals," have been frequently anthologized.)

Good luck!

Answer 2

Please do not denigrate yourself, you wrote a very nice sonnet, and an intricate poem regarding love, time, and destiny denied.

Even Shakespeare bent his cadences to the moment, he often interrupted his iambic pentameter with the occasional trochee, and sometimes the spondee at the end of a line.

Your line breaks, which create tension and allow multiple interpretations of your phrases, are a difficult poetic endeavor, and you handled them well.

The classic sonnet often creates a tension in the first eight lines and resolves it in the last six. Your creation points toward resolution from lines seven to 10, and then resigns itself to praying, as if in describing our desires we might yet achieve them.

It is an intricate image of desire as a lost battle with the end rebounding in the dream of the beginning. As a poem of Love, loss, or dreaming, it works well.

If you want to change the words, or make the rhythm flow like Shakespeare or Browning, you should do what your heart and ear tell you is right.

But remember that you created a poetic landscape which speaks well. As you tighten up the wording and the prosody, don't lose the tale in the retelling.

Thanks for sharing.

Answer 3

It certainly is a very interesting view on life and personal battles. I enjoyed the way you presented the past life and looking back at it all. Time is indeed forever disputing; but it's very good how you started it having a negative view on the concept, and then suddenly changing it to otherwise. Then again, you remove personal dream and place cold reality, right there: "Alas, this can not be done".

Your mentioning "witch" and "shanghai", I thought, was a little comical - it made me smile. But overall, it's a very good image you've formed in your own way. I strongly encourage you to keep up the good work! Good luck :)

Answer 4

What if I advised you i did not comprehend how some distance in existence I might want to go i'm a drop out –– can't you tell i choose a wordsmith to help me spell i got here upon your question fairly a suspense and then your poem met me with bliss there isn't any longer something extra in existence i'd like Than to win with out a wrestle yet tell me is that too intense of a request i have buried my targets see you later in my breast provide me provide me it truly is all i comprehend I carry the torch yet lost the hearth a at the same time as in the past My call is Courtney I stay in Tennessee And this my poem I lend to thee

Answer 5

It's pretty good. Some of the meter is a bit rocky, putting emphasis on odd syllables and beats in the phrase.

For example, "bind THEM. I BRING back TO mind OUR last PART." or "would BE. Time IS evIL, triCKY, a PIT..."

Answer 6

I thought it was great


Later add some details to explain what exactly you meant by it.

Answer 7

Very good

http://www.ehow.com/how_3335_write-sonnet.html

Answer 8

It certainly doesn't suck.

It's very good!

Answer 9

cool, good work..