I have been married for 6 years now & recently started online messaging with my ex. It's nothing sexual or about getting together, but more about how each other is doing, how our kids are doing, how is work going, etc... I kindof feel bad about this, but only because my husband is a very jealous man. I guess this is a dumb *** question but I wanted some others' input on it. I know that if my husband found out, he would be pissed, but really there's no bad intention there. What do you think?
2006-12-10 19:05:15 · 22 answers · asked by Ballagirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
aint' nothing wrong with you being friendly and cool wit your ex...after all you're people, and people can still be friends.
BUT...only if you can seriously separate old passion from simple friendship. If suddenly ya'll feel the fire again or something..that leads to trouble.
BUT an answer for this, is communication....you gotta let your man know that you came in contact with your ex, that he just checked to see how things are going, and pretty much make it obvious ya'll are just cool....cause if you DON'T tell him and still talk to your ex...and he finds out..then it looks like you're cheating....while, if you be honest..let it out in the open because this isn't just YOUR business..it involves your husband so it's his as well cause the ex IS someone at one point you loved...so he has to know what's going on...otherwise there'll be consequences if he 'catches' you.
Then that's where you both need to find compromise...if he can't accept it, that's him, you are in control of your own destiny and decisions not him, unless you're willing to compromise with him on something then there are always the other more unliked choices....that's life for ya.
but honesty is the best medicine...don't let anyone con you differently.....it's called responsibility....people need to relearn it.
2006-12-10 19:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by Dennis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well how would you like to know that your husband is working with his ex. There isn't anything going on and she had someone else now but they talk about things like kids and life. He may be telling her things that he should be telling you like how he feels and what his dreams are for the future.
I really think that you feel bad about this because it is a secret that you are keeping from the man you married. I don't doubt that the conversations that you are having with your ex are innocent but you have to think about how you would feel if you seen that his ex was IM'ing him. And be honest with yourself if your ex is your ex and you have moved on then something must of happened with the ex that caused the relationship to break up in the first place.
If you broke up with this ex then maybe he is coping all of your conversations to send to your husband in hopes that you will break up and he will have a chance.
I know this is not a nice answer but I have been through all of this and you have to look at all sides. It is easier to see outside of the box.
Good Luck
2006-12-10 19:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by Feather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a right to be "pissed" about you keeping in contact with your ex behind his back. Stop the on-line messaging immediately, or you will cause doubt in your marriage, and nothing kills a marriage faster than doubt. You and your ex have children together, that means that you need to be in contact with each other regarding your children from time to time. All contact with your ex should be open and upfront. Don't keep your discussions with your ex from your current husband. Your husband should not have any problem with you talking to your ex regarding your children. If he does, then you and your husband have a problem, and that problem is your husband's immaturity and insecurity where your feelings are concerned. You need to make your intentions clear to both your ex and your husband...your relationship with your ex is simply based on the fact that you are parents to your children, and must have contact regarding your children's welfare. Remind your husband that you are committed to him, and believe that your relationship must be based on truth and honesty as well as love if it is to survive. Start with the truth and honesty...stop the emailing and be upfront with your husband before he finds out that you have been secretive.
2006-12-10 19:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are really really sure there is "No hidden" agenda then you should not feel bad about it.
However its easier said then done, if you think its going to hurt your family then suggest you stop. Always put what is important up front.
BTW Why does it have to be your ex? why cant it be another friend? If you know your husband is going to be piss then minimized this activity.
Good Luck.
2006-12-10 19:09:54 · answer #4 · answered by Rosy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's all innocent. But since you do feel guilty, I would either tell him about it and how there's nothing to be jealous about or tell your ex that you shouldn't talk to him anymore cuz your husband would get mad.
2006-12-10 19:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by Kory 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're asking the question you already know the answer. If you value your marriage and have any respect at all for your current husband, knock off the "innocent" banter with the ex. It's never that innocent.
2006-12-10 19:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by hairdvs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um it's probably something you should stop immediately.
It's great that you and your ex can chat easily about your kids and it's good to be informed about your children's fathers well being. But keeping up continuous dialog with him and in secret...tsk tsk. Not wise. Either let your hubby in on the chats as well or cut it out completely. If your ex isnt in his own relationship...its probably why he's ok with chatting to you? Cuz, if he was in one himself perhaps he wouldnt spend time chatting with you or wouldnt be allowed that from his partner. Consider you husbands feelings. Peace.
2006-12-10 19:12:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your ex have every right to communicate about your children, you should and you need to, they are your and his kids together right? If there are no children together then you have no reason to talk to him. But you should be honest with your husband. I doubt you'd like him sneaking behind your back talking to his ex. Marriage is supposed to be based on trust and honesty.
2006-12-10 19:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. It's bad. Everything is about respect and trust, not convenience. You owe it to your husband to talk about it and ask for an understanding or permission. If he says it's OK, then you have no problem. If he says, it's not OK, then you should stop.
Would you want your husband to talk to his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend behind your back?
2006-12-10 19:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by Dumbo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have children with the man. If the talk is limited to the kids, your current man should not have a problem. If he still causes a fuss over communicating over the kids, HE is the one with the problem. Calmly explain to him that you care for him but love your kids and it is important for their Father to be active in their lives.
2006-12-10 19:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by Rich B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋