My boyfriend and I have been together 4 yrs, we have an 18 mnth old son. For the second time I have caught him looking at porn and 75% of it was male porn-he is extremely homophobic, 100 hottest men, circle jerk, face it and then some really xrated stuff-which confuses me more. But I also have read that this is a defense mechanism. We are suppose to be getting married next year. Now I am hestitant-I dont want to devote myself to someone for 15 years and then be left b/c he was gay. I have questioned him about it and he denies it and says that I am sick for thinking that way, and comes up with blunt face lies. HELP
2006-12-10 18:49:59 · 21 answers · asked by confused_77 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe just bi-curious. Usually happens between 16 and 21 but later for people who had strict upbringings.
2006-12-10 18:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by lataliano 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should REALLY reconsider marrying him at this point.
You said he was extremely homophobic, that's a HUGE sign.
We've all heard those stories if someone is real defensive about something then they must have something to hide. Many times it is true.
Obviously he's attracted to other males because he's browsing the gay porn sites. That's not something that someone who was "truly" homophobic would be doing.
Just to give you an example. I had this really good guy friend who was totally straight. He was comfortable with me being gay but he always bragged about being with women and wholeheartedly denied any kind of gay feelings at all.
He got a new computer and needed my help setting it up because it was his first. Shortly after he started acting real funny and paranoid. In order to assist him I had connected with his pc remotely. He started making accusations that I was somehow spying on him and knew what he was looking at. I had no idea and was very confused about what he was so paranoid about?
We ended up dissolving our friendship over it.
Then years later, I found out from a mutual friend what had really happened. It seems my "straight" friend was browsing gay porn and was afraid that I was aware of it. Turns out he wasn't straight after all. Today he is gay. And did I mention he had children too.
Your situation seems very similar. I wouldn't marry him if I were you.
2006-12-12 02:15:48 · answer #2 · answered by mrspunkmeister2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel very sorry for you, but the only thing you can do is dscuss it with him calmly. If you have caught him twice, then no doubt it means he's been looking at it tons of times. Maybe he is gay, or maybe bi, or bi-curious.
You say you have questioned him and he's come up with lies. How do you know they were lies? Maybe he just wanted to have a look and now feels rather silly about it?
If your gut instinct tells you there is more to it than that, then you need to tell him it is making you have doubts about getting married. Explore your own attitudes to sex. My husband and i have both had bi experiences (in reality, not just fantasy) and we dont have any need to label ourselves, bi, gay or whatever. But this is not a problem for us.
I can certainly see what your problem is, but the only thing to do is talk to him. Maybe he feels a little trapped by the impeding wedding and wants to explore other sides of himself. I have also heard the thing about homophobic men...... my ex was like that - really against gays - and i often wondered if he was a little bit attracted too!
I would be more upset if my man looked at girl porn than at male porn. Crazy but true!
Hope you manage to sort it out. But certainly dont get married unless you are happy about everything. I have been divorced twice and it is horrible.
Faith x
2006-12-10 19:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang that's a hard question. Maybe he is just reaching out for some help and doesn't know how? Maybe its time to just get rid of the computer and see what he does next before you put more time and work in the the relationship.
2006-12-10 19:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by JIM P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be bi or just curious, but I don't think he's gay considering you do infact have a sexual relationship and you are infact a woman. If he's bi, that doesn't mean he'll cheat on you with men or leave you to join the mustache parade. Bisexual people are capable of monogamous relationships. I wouldn't marry him until he's able to come to terms with his sexuality though. He needs to be able to talk to you or someone! Maybe a counsellor?
2006-12-10 19:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, i would have thought the same thing...But, HEY GIRL! Do you love him? If you love him, then it doesn't matter if he's gay or not....If it still an issue to you whether he's gay or not then you probably don't love him the way you thought you do....If that's the case, then better back-off before the wedding.....But, if you love him---and think about your child.....If you weren't in love with him, you wouldn't have had a child with him.....Well, it's all up to you.....Lastly, if marrying him would make you happy---I think you should....but, if it would just make matters worst and you would still continue bugging him whether he's gay or not then it wouldn't be a happy marriage after all---Thus, backoff! But, as I say --- It's all up to you!! Think about it!
2006-12-10 19:01:32 · answer #6 · answered by ding87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are ------------------- if his happy little but is watching homosexual perverseness he may be gearing to the perversion of homosexuality !!! There is a lot of sick people in the world and the homosexual movement is trying to tell us we are born that way !! UH UH no way Jose ! Why would he watch men with men HELLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Porn has got to go or you will suffer, "can a man put fire to his chest and not get burned?????? Remember if it looks like a duck..It is a duck !!
2006-12-14 17:26:56 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if the doubts are there, then don't do it. Even if there are children involved. It may be that he is gay and you are his attempt to "go straight".
On a lighter note, you could just change the curtains. If he doesn't notice within six months, you are OK.
See source for a recent story.
2006-12-10 19:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by Vulture38 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a possibility, but maybe he is just bi & is confused about it. Being extremely homophobic & looking at gay porn says to me he at least does lean that way slightly & is intruiged. It doesn't mean he is gay though.
2006-12-10 19:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by Cori 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust seems to be the real issue . If you have doubts about him don't marry the guy. Tell him the porn has to go, why does he need to look at anyone but you to get turned on? its just wrong.
2006-12-10 18:54:43 · answer #10 · answered by srstephens 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋