I'm a 55 year old woman and I work full time and sometimes overtime just to make ends meet. While my husband stays at home on the internet playing poker day in and day out. i work. I doesn't work because he is disabled and only has one lung so it is hard for him to get around. he also has a emphasema and a small drinking problem. Am I selfish for wanting to make him go out and get a job and take care of me? the lazy bastard....oops...i didn't mean that. what should i do?
2006-12-10 18:11:46 · 12 answers · asked by reowrrrr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it sounds like the drinking problem needs to be cleared up.
Are you sure he isnt depressed, if he was raised as most men are to take care of his family and he cant do that,
then it will affect how he feels about himself and his motivation level.
Get the drinking solved before it becomes and issue and ask a doctor what can be done in terms of him finding meaningful work.
he can work part time.
2006-12-10 18:16:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK so he has a small problem there are many ways he can do something with his life but it sounds to me like he has lost his spirit and you are just helping him waste his life drinking and playing internet poker if he can do that he can do something productive even if it is only part time find something he can sell on the internet something small to start put it on yahoo shopping auctions stop buying him booze if you can't find the auctions go to my profile and you won't have a problem you will have to start a acct but that is free if he starts producing a little he will start to feel like a man again even if it is not much it is a start and better than nothing which is what he is doing now
2006-12-10 18:32:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of his 'medical' condition, does your state provide any form of 'in-home care/help'?
Since your husband enjoys the internet so much, why does he not try to locate a job that he can do on the internet or create an on-line job position or get into selling things on e-bay.
I'm assuming you do not have older children residing with you; you might want to consider to rent a kid or trade your husband in for 2 30's. Sorry honey, marriage is the hardest job on earth but I admire those that commit to their vows and make the best of what they've got. Good Luck to you!!!
2006-12-10 18:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by hot single mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom went through this for awhile... she worked full time and went to school full time and still had to come home and do the house work, needless to say the house fell apart. Mom took off a couple of days from work and cleaned the whole house and left it up to him to maintain it, so far its working... But no I don't think you are selfish... Wanting a break is more than understandable!
2006-12-10 18:17:07 · answer #4 · answered by ♪♫♪Ginny♪♫♪ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kick him to the curb. He's home, he still has usage of some limbs. He should be man enough to clean up his own mess and not use your hard earned money to satisfy his desires. He wants to be a self absorbed boy, cut him off from financial supplies. He'll straighten up very quickly then.
2006-12-10 18:21:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask Buffy...(Advice Column)
Try talking to him... Ask if he is willing to lessen the burden... Try looking for a light duty job, a cashier etc that doesn't require large physical strenght... Explain to him your problem. How you are not able to cope with the duty of being the sole bread winner...
If he is willing, then good for you... It shows that he cares for you and loves you alot...
If he is not too keen... you have to accept that... Matbe he is afraid that he can't work. Afraid to face the working life again because he is too detached, too long away, too unfamiliar with it... Try to understand... He is your husband whom you have an oath to stay by his side because of your love for him... Remember that love...
If you choose to leave him, it is not your fault either... You cannot blame yourself if you do think/want to leave him or already have left him.
You need to look after yourself, and not drag the both of you down together if you are not able to handle the mantle...
If after suggesting that he try to work, he gets abusive, verbaly/physically... Leave him!!! Dun look back... He is not worth it as it is clear he does not love you anymore... merely seeing you as his source of food and shelter...
Remember, what keeps you two together...
If it is love... Stay together through thick and thin...
If it is obligation... Then you may need to think about your future...
2006-12-10 18:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunate for his healthy, in a way you are being selfish. But understandable every women wants to be taken care and provided for but sometimes we are the ones that have to do the providing. We all have crosses to bear just be glad yours is not that heavy.
2006-12-10 18:14:55 · answer #7 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough call, he really sounds messed up and probably doesn't feel he can do much. But you could look for government assistance for training or some type of job suitable for him.
At the very worst you can kick his *** to the curb and let him think a little, but only a little.
:)
2006-12-10 18:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are the one with the problem. Apparently you don't really love him. You can't seriously think he can work with only one lung, and it may not be fully functional. He isn't lazy lady, he is disabled, and why isn't he drawing disability. He can and should.
2006-12-10 18:22:50 · answer #9 · answered by Fruit Cake Lady 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your hubby is at a dead end...
It is not too late for you but you do not have much time left..
He is disabled so he will be taken care of...
You either need to divorce him and move on or resign
yourself to your fate...
2006-12-10 18:15:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋