How do I tell my parents I'm engaged to a man they disapprove of?

Question

I'm 28 years old and have been in this relationship for almost 7 years, we love each other and we've been talking about getting married for awhile but I've been away at grad school. My last trip home my fiance proposed a day before I left for school. My parents have known about him from the beginning of our relationship but do not like to discuss him. They've only spoken to him a handful of times. Our families are different, I'm more educated and will probably make more money than him. All issues I've thought about and realize not as important as the life we can build together. It happened so suddenly and then I was on a plane with a ring, I'll be back for Christmas but I don't know how to tell them. I'm so happy about this until I think of my parents. They know we plan on stayng together and getting married, they are afraid of what others might think of us, we're also from different cultures.

I'm Indian and he's caucasian, but I don't think thats the whole issue, when I speak to them about it its about status.

Answer 1

Just tell them! You're an adult and you know, if your parents don't like your choices, they are risking losing you all together. My father doesn't really like my lover very much. He thinks that he corrupted me (really I was corrupted long before that), but my father also knows that I love the man I'm with and that I'm an adult and he can't do anything. Besides, my mother likes the guy!

You're parents don't really know this man very well from the sounds of it and are using their assumptions to judge him. Hopefully, you're parents will start to get to know him better and accept him. Clearly, since you've been with him for almost 7 years, you've already dealt with others thoughts on the matter. Show your parents that you're able to handle it and that you realise that the others with their negative thoughts are the ones with the problem, not you. Their thoughts shouldn't matter or be a priorty.

Oh, and being educated and making more money than your lover only matters if you've got one of those stupid insecure with their so called masculinity 'old fashioned' type males. My mother went through graduate school after having children. She makes 2 to 3 times as much as my father. It's no big deal to either of them. She does what she loves and she's happy. My father supports her. You're parents just don't know what type of guy he is. All they have to go on is 'old fashioned' assumptions coming from a time vastly different than ours. Get them together!

Answer 2

Well its ok......just tell your parents how u feel for your fiance....If they want to see you happy they will let u marry him.....ITs ok if u are from differnt cultures your baby can be multiple cultures than just 1 or 2! Besides your parrents should be happy that they can learn about a differnt culture! If u truly love your fiance u will marry him : ) 7 yr relationship means u care for him......7 yr relationship is a long one.......U are sooo lucky so be happy!!! Ask your parents why they don't like your new fiance then you'll figure it out!!!! Others might think of u as LUCKY .....who cares what others think its the love that counts,right! I jus hope i could help! And this is coming from the heart!

Answer 3

Different cultures or race???????? Details?

I don't think the money is the issue. The culture difference may be. Race can be a hard obstacle to overcome and you have to ask yourself is it worth it.

If it came as such a surprise I have to question from an objective point of view how close you really are.

Answer 4

begin with a question like, mom and dad wat do u do when u are in love. if they answer this(spend the rest of ur life with that person) tell them u have found the right person that u want to spend the rest of ur life with. and then tell them that no matter how much they hate him, u are still going to marry him, because he is the only person that let's u be who u want to be, and that both of u make each other the happiest people in the world. and also try to explain to ur parents that marraige should be the most important part of a girl's life and in order to make it ur most important part of time u have to marry someone who u trully love, and a persont that u can see urself with in 50 years, that still makes u happy, and also try to kiss up to them by saying that u want the best relationship ever like ur parents have. try that

Answer 5

True Love is Blind! christmas dinner seems like the place to break the news. if you love this man as much as you say you do, then who cares what your parents- or any one else for that matter- thinks! its going to be the 2 of you for the rest of your lives, friends and neighbors come and go. stick with him and tell your family that if they really love you then they will support you in all of your decisions.

Answer 6

This has been happening since men and women started seeing each other. Do as your heart tells you and you'll be fine. They will just have to be civil and get used to it is all. After all it is your life your living, not theirs. My mothers family never approved of our father, yet they were married for 53 years, until dad died. She just died 2 months ago.

Answer 7

At 28, you should be old enough to make your own life decisions and stand by them. Tell you parents that you are engaged, give them a minute to get over themselves, and then tell them you plan on having a happy life with your future husband, and they can be part of it or not. Their choice.

Answer 8

you should just invite your parents out to a nice restaurant with your fiance and tell them.
if your parents cant be happy for you and the decisions you made, i would suggest just calling them on their birthdays and sending them christmas cards. let them make the effort to get to know your new husband better, and if they dont want to get to know him better, then its thier loss.
trust me, once you have children, your parents views on him might change or they might be alot nicer to him.
i just think you need to involve your parents in the organising of the wedding, your parents will feel like they are contributing, and this will make them accpet him better.
good luck

Answer 9

You should tell them right away, the sooner the better. You don't want to wait until later and they be upset when you tell them after weeks or months.
Stand your ground, your too old to not be able to make your own decisions, tell them this is the man that you love and want to marry and oblivously he loves you to.

Answer 10

The sooner the better, give them time to adjust to the fact that their baby girl is going to make her own decisions, even if they approve or not.