Do I press criminal charges?

Question

I have known this guy for 5 years through community theater. He has always given a "creepy" vibe, so anytime I've talked to him (he mostly IM's me from time to time) I kept things on level 1 (like hows the weather?) kind of stuff. Never anything personal. Well, the other day, he decides to send me a webcam image of himself exposing and fondling his genitals. I told him that that was uncalled for and inappropriate. He then called my house. I filed a police report under harrassment. Today, he kept IMing me after I told him not to talk to me. He IMed me for 2 hours after I signed offline and went to work. He won't leave me alone now. He keeps trying to talk to me about what he did. He wants us to "work out our problems." I can't block him because if I choose to file charges I need the proof of harrassment. What do I do?

Answer 1

I would suggest you tell him straight out that his latest behavior gives you the creeps and you would never date him if he was the last man on earth. Be blunt, tell him is a demented, disgusting person. Guys like him get the weird notion that if you just allow them to talk to you that you must want his body. No joke, I've heard wierdos like him say it!!!

Also inform him that if he continues, you will go to the police and file a formal complaint. The guy is a sorry azz perv but you should at least warn him before you actually get him in trouble with the law. Maybe he will stop without bringing in the cops which can cause difficulties. Tell at least one person you can trust about his behavior. Other woman who have to associate with him should know about this too.
I wish you luck with this.

P.S. Keep a ball bat or a large, sharp knife by the door in case he tries to force his way in. A whack on the leg or arm or even a little slash is usually enough to drive guys like that away. Don't mean to scare you but if it isn't handy it won't help you. Most likely he will give up once he understands you can't stand him.

Answer 2

Get a restraining order against him. Keep copies of the emails, email attachments, and IM messages and attachments. That is proof. Your statement is also proof. You can get him to stay away from you and your place of work and maybe even the community theatre. Depending on where you live, you might be able to go through the family law facilitator, which is usually attached to the county courts. Check the yellow pages. The facilitator should be able to help you get the order. If the DA is prosecuting him for indecent exposure (which is what you described to me), you could get the DA to get a restraining order over the guy. Since he already exposed himself to you, the cops need to investigate it, get the webcam image from you, and send it to the DA. You already have proof. This is a no-brainer for the cops and DA at this point. Keep filing police reports, too. And don't be afraid to testify.

Answer 3

"Do I press criminal charges? (Harassment)"

The quick answer to your questions is "Not necessarily."

Ultimately, it's law enforcement and your state prosecutor (ADA, State's Attorney, etc.) that decide on criminal charges. Don't think you need to figure it out yourself-- because that's what they get paid to do.

Step One: Tell the creep in specific and certain language that you do not want him to contact you or be around you in any way-- no contact AT ALL in any way. A letter to that affect mailed to his address makes it clear, but any sort of communication you can keep a copy of is okay too. And assuming you have evidence of his behaviour already, block any internet access. If you don't block him it will seem a little odd. If the behaviour bothers you then block it if you can.

Step Two: Right away, gather up the evidence you have of his behavior and bring it to your local police department telling them that you want to file a complaint. If they take a report, get a copy of that report. Don't expect them to do anything else right then-- unless there have been threats of violence or such.

If your local law enforcement agency is small or not very computer savvy, consider contacting a higher authority-- like a state or federal level internet crimes division (as suggested in a previous answer).

Step Three: Go to your local courthouse and find the Clerk of the Court for criminal matters. Tell them you want to file for an Order of Protection (also known as a Restraining Order or Protective Order). Bring all the material you brought to the police station and a copy of the police report. Most courthouses have volunteer Victim Advocates who can help you fill out the forms and walk you through the process.

Do not threaten the individual or find a friend to threaten him or rough him up. That can seriously backfire.

Once you've told him in certain terms to buzz off, you need to be careful. Be vigilant about your surroundings. Try not to go places without friends-- or stick to public places with a lot of people in them. Familiarize yourself with safe routes to and from places you go often-- like know where public payphones are located, where's the closest police precinct, what places are open 24 hours and have a lot of people there, etc. If you don't have a cell phone, then think about getting one.

Do not start carrying a weapon for self-defense unless you've done a few other things first: 1) Make sure it's legal 2) Seek out professional instruction on the use of the weapon 3) Seek out professional instruction on what to do if you don't have the weapon and 4) Make sure you'll be comfortable and competent in using it only when you are legally and morally justified to do so. Your possession of a weapon does not always insure that you'll be safer-- and carrying one means having to worry about a lot of other things that have nothing to do with your potential stalker.

While you might not want your life changed like this, it appears you've attracted some unwanted attention; You have to watch out for your own safety. Being alert and careful is always a good idea-- but it's especially a good idea when you've got a #1 Fan....

[This is not legal advice. You should consult a licensed attorney-at-law for legal advice or representation before making decisions that may affect your legal rights.]

Answer 4

Document what he does but don't invite him to continue to harass you by responding. Go to your local court house TOMORROW and get a emergency restraining order filed against him. The court will give you one based solely on your acquisitions and you wont have to prove it. It is important you get this restraining order because it is not against the law for someone to IM or call you just because they are creepy, the cops wont do much. But with the restraining order in hand he will be violating a court order and the cops will have ground to arrest him and protect you.
In a few months you will have to come back to the court house and then "prove" the harassment so that's where all the documentation comes in. Consider hiring an attorney or seeking out a support group that deals with stalkers. Again, I would not let him contact you just to document his actions. He might misinterpret this as you warming up to him and might make things worse.

Answer 5

File a complaint with the Law Enforcement Agency. Once you have filed, keep track of all the phone calls, what was said, etc. Af far as emails, print them out and save them. Should the Law Enforcement procrastinate, make an appointment with your local Prosecuting Attorney. He may know of laws on the books that the Law Enforcement Agency doesn't deal with on a daily basis. Now should the Prosecuting attorney say that you don't have a case, I would then file civil actions against him. But most of all keep records of everything that has transpiered between you and the STALKER.

Answer 6

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be safe!!! Contact the police and get a restraining order, PLEASE.

Ask to have a patrol officer drive by your house several times to make a presence in case anyone is thinking of watching you from the outside. If you feel that the police are not able to protect you, go to a friends house for a few days. Contact an attorney as well. If you are worried about having evidence of the harrassment, an attorney can advise you on approaching this subject. Please remember that the "evidence" or "proof" is not worth putting yourself in danger!

Go ahead and change your email and online ID. Do not give it to people who know this guy you are being harrassed by.

See the article below for more safety tips, and PLEASE BE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Exposing him to the world is better than pressing charges which you could lose or cost you a lot of money.

How about this. Get him to send you the same pictures and save them for printing. Make as many copies as you can, buy a lot of adhesive tapes, then wait for dusk then post them all over his community.

I bet he'll have to move then and leave you alone.

Also think about changing your IM, email or any other online connections.

Answer 8

Get a restraining order...and when he breaks it...he goes to jail.....I'm supprised he wasn't arrested after the exposure thing......I would demand to know why he wasn't arrested...this falls under a sex crime statutes.
If the police dont want to respond got to the DA and file a complaint...if they don't do anything...contact a newspaper reporter.....they love stuff like this..especially when a crime has been committed and they do nothing.

Also check for any of your state laws concerning stalking.

Answer 9

Start saving the IMs because you will need some type of proof of what you are saying. Then press charges against him. Get an answer machine to see if he will leave messages that you can also use against him. He seems to be stalker material.Be careful.

Answer 10

Print off anything and everything you can that pertains to him. BLOCK HIM! The first thing the police are gonna do is ask what you've done to stop him from contacting you. Go to the police. Make sure you stress to them exactly what it is you are afraid of and what you think he is capable of. Don't take any chances. Apparently he knows your phone number. You can have his number blocked through the phone company for a small fee. Does he know where you live? Take the appropraite steps nessecary to make sure your safe.
Please take care and be safe.