I recently found a stash of porn my husband was hiding, should I be mad about this or join in the fun with him

Question

6 years ago I found a stash of hidden porn my husband had. I told him this bothered me & he promised to never hide it from me again. Now I stumbled across another stash & don't know what to think? At first I was upset, but now I kindof think that maybe if I told him I was willing to watch it too, he would be less embarassed by it. Should I offer to watch it with him to ease the situation a bit or should I tell him never to bring it into our home again? I'm on a fence with this one. He's a very private person anyways, so I don't think that he will go for me watching it with him. I always ask him too if he would masturbate so I can watch & he says no. He's more into the 2 minute bang & be done act, which is quite disapointing for me I must say. What should I do? Any answers would be a great help. Thank you.

I forgot to mention that we have 2 young boys that are our main focus in life so the sex has to be quick. We don't get much alone time. Also I think he just watches the porn when he's out of town for a month or so on business. Maybe that would help for answers.

Answer 1

From personal experience I think you should offer to watch it with him. Something that wouldn't hurt as long as you were willing and maybe it would open up to more things between the two of you in the bedroom. As long as he knew that it wasn't something you wanted in the bedroom all the time. If that is what you wanted. We do for our husbands what makes them happy as they should for as, make that clear! Good luck!

Answer 2

If you really want to ease you mind and his, why don't you try to subtly introduce porn to him. It seems that there is a level of unspoken sexual tension between you both. You need to dig deeper and find something that can be pleasing to both of you. Do you both devote much time to foreplay? For this is the time to arouse the true passion between you both. Why don't you try to visit a local adult store rent a movie and buy a stimulation aide either for you or him or both. Have some lube on hand and plan for a fantasy night perhaps once a week. You could treat it as a game where one of you command the actions one week and the other takes over for the next week. Through this fantasy game, sparks are sure to fly! When the hormones start raging the walls of insecurity fall and anything can happen. Sex will last longer and the both of you will grow closer. I wouldn't worry about the "stash" of porno. Perhaps you can look through it yourself to get a better idea of what he fantasizes about and you can get some creative ideas to better your sex life with him. Perhaps you two are just experiencing a lack of good communication. This is your husband and you promised to love him for better or worse so try making it better from your end and good results will come (no pun intended!)

Answer 3

Sounds to me like the porn is his thing and he doesn't like to share it with anyone else. Probably his private little fantasy world. I doubt that, if he won't let you watch him, he will want you to join that world. My guess is that he's not proud of his porn collection but that it reduces tension(?), allows an occasional escape(?), fulfills some need that you can't do anything about (?) - all guesses here.

If you find the porn offensive and it bothers you, I don't think that you should have to find some way to join him. I think that's a very noble attitude and you are to be congratulated for your kindness and sensitivity, but your husband seems a little guarded about sex - not very open to discussion, sharing emotional feelings, nor taking care of your needs (the two-minute routine). You sound like perfect candidates for a counselor that specializes in sexual issues. Would he be agreeable to that?

I think this is fixable and I'll bet that once it is fixed, he'll be more relaxed and your sexual life together will be much better.

Answer 4

Well if your sex life with this man isn't what you would like, then viewing some porn together maybe just what the two of you need.
What would happen if he caught you watching some porn alone maybe masturbating yourself? Maybe rather than you playing the mature one that catches the bad little boy you should turn the table and have him catch the naughty little girl fooling around. Given your unhappiness with your current sex life and his hidden stash and both of your lack of being able to communicate successfully on this subject. You may just need to be more creative. When you found the porn what type of porn was it? Can you find some clues as to what your hubby maybe fantasizing about? Can you give that to him? Maybe you should buy some porn of some of the types of experiences that you would like to live out. Marriages take work to maintain, so does a good sex life. Sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

Answer 5

If he just bangs you for 2 minutes or so then I say start looking for someone that can please you. If he wants to watch his porn instead of you porning each other then that is cool too. Sit right there beside him and don't even let him touch you when the mood comes over him. It seems that he is only thinking of his sexual needs and not acknowledging yours. If he can't consider how you honestly feel then I say look into counseling maybe he is addicted to porn instead of being addicted to his wife pleasing him sexually. Get counseling or divorce him. Good Luck either way you choose to go. The choice is yours.

Answer 6

If you gotta ask “should I be mad” you obviously are not. But you do want to “explore” with your husband!! Problem is you and your husband have some major communication challenges !! First learn how to effectively communicate with your husband. You can have a life long happy marriage and be open to each other or, wind up 2 isolated people sharing a home.

You are secure in your marriage relationship,, an obviously he is not !! He’s a very lucky guy and could be luckier if he learns to communicate with you !! Best of luck!!

Answer 7

You should let sex be a big part of your life no matter if you have kids or not, and the porn sorry to say honey there going to look at porn no matter what I learned that it is better to know and let him know that it is okay to look at porn then have him out their cheating on me I am 23 I have been with my man since I was 15 we still act like the day we met very into sex and we do have son but that is what doors are for. so you should enjoy your sexuality. good luck

Answer 8

Pornography tends to be addictive. Like many addictions, it takes more and more/grosser to get the high. Pornography thrives in creating the "thrill" by describing the forbidden.
It is degrading to the expression of love rather than rax sex like an animal. Worse, it is wretchedly degrading to the thousands of women sold as sex slaves/objects each year.
It sounds as if your husband has been taught sex is somehow nasty and/or that women cannot enjoy/desire it like men. This will take some gentle, caring work on your part to teach him. If you watch the porn w/ him, it will confirm his worst impressions about women. You want to lead him the other way.
You can read up on it on several of the excellent porn addiction sites.

Answer 9

Sounds like you guys have quite the communication problems and I don't see this lasting long term because this will only get worse. I see anything that is hidden as a breach of trust yet communication and openness might take care of that.. I seriously suggest a counselor as it seems that he gets more into porn than suggestions from you.

Answer 10

I would ask him to get rid of it that you do not want that relationship destroying crap in your home. And as for every guy having it that is wrong only the perves would keep a horde of porn
he should be happy with you period. It's very common for porn to ruin relationships because the person watching becomes addicted to that fantasy world.