my 6 year old daughter has not seen her father for 3 years?

Question

my 6 year old daughter has not seen her father for 3 years now. the father on the other hand doesnt make any effort to contact us. should i tell my daughter the truth about her father (he is kinda selfish and only cares about getting "high" every pay day). i don't want to break my daughter's heart since she adores her dad so much.

Answer 1

I know what you are going through... My 2 children havent seen there father in 4 years... He spends most of his time tracking down his drug dealer and when we were together our house was the drug drive in diner.... He makes more efforts with his girlfriend now and his drugs than his children.Last year he spent 300.00 on her but NOTHING on our 2 children. The man I married is wonderful to them. My youngest child, age 5, calls him Dad and doesnt even know his biological father. It is sad. I feel sorry for the men who actually want to be Dads and cant. My husband always wanted children but couldnt. He always prayed that he would find a woman who already had kids so he could be a dad and a husband. I am so glad we found each other because we were praying for a good man to come into our lives and he was praying for a family to love him and to have someone to belong to. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this. It is a hard decision to make. To tell or not to tell. I would leave it alone if I were you. That way when she gets older she can see for herself and doesnt get upset at you. She could blame you. Dont lie if she asks though. Just tell her he is not at a place right now to see her. Dont go off and tell her what a piece of dog crap he is. She doesnt by all accounts need to know that even though we all know he is. My daughter was 5 when we separated and she finally told me last week that she will give up on Daddy and her step dad has been there for her. My son just said he doesnt wanna talk to him and he has only one dad. The one that is there for him.

Answer 2

You need not tell her the whole truth until she is older. You might just tell her that daddy is sick and is getting help. He can't come home until he is cured. Right now it would be difficult for her to understand addiction to drugs or alcohol. If she asks a few years from now and you feel it is time to tell he whole truth, she should know. Also take into consideration how much of him could she remember if he left when she was only 3 years old.

Answer 3

No don't tell her, she's not old or mature enough for that. Just tell her Daddy is busy with other things. That way you aren't lying to her but you are still sparing her hurt feelings and unnecessary pain. It will hurt her a lot worse to hear that Daddy just doesn't want to see her. My grandson is in the same boat, he is 9 and hasn't seen or heard from his Dad(?) since he was 14 mos old. My daughter takes him to counseling every week because she didn't know how to explain him never being in his life and doesn't know how to heal his pain. And the Dr. said NO WAY should a child be told negative things about the other parent. It can cause the child to have bad feelings about themselves.

Answer 4

I think its a shame about her father, but if it were me I would tell her that I think her daddy's love her very much, but right now he is going through some problems of his own that he needs to get worked out. Maybe in time this person will realize that his child is more important than drugs. I hope so.

Answer 5

Thank you for putting your daughter's feelings, both now and future, ahead of what must be a bitter situation for yourself. At six, your daughter already senses alot. You can be honest and gentle, "Daddy wants to live away from us. He still remembers you. I am so glad I get to live with you and will always love you."
You can read whether or not she needs to vent, "What would you like to say to daddy if he was here? or "How do you feel about daddy not being here?"
Thanks again for enabling, not disabling your daughter. Bravo.

Answer 6

Why in the world would you lay that garbage (true or not) on a 6 year old. You are the one that decided to mate with him. Don't dish the dad. Start sending him her school work, awards, lots of pictures.

Answer 7

remember she adores her dad but dont hide the facts from her because you think she dont know but she does call him and let him know what is going on and make sure she is right by your side.. it is very very hurtful but years from now you dont want to be the one she blames ..

Answer 8

please, don't ever say anything negative about her father in front of her. i was divorced for 12 yrs. and my children hardly seen their father and when they did he was drunk the whole time. of course it was on the weekends,so needless to say they didn't see him much. just let her be the one to say something. if she wants to know where he is, tell her you haven't spoken to him and don't know whats going on with him. remember, she'll grow up and knowwhy he wasn't there.

Answer 9

Don't put him down, what I did with my daughter was just love her and show her I was there for her...in time she will see he doesn't care...

Answer 10

my husband is divorced with 2 kids from his previous marriage. it is sited in the divorce papers the he woulndt or couldnt (dunno which is which..) see his kids.. the kids are with their mother right now. i think you should explain things little by little to your daughter as she grows up. i dont think it will do any good if you would tell her that her fether is this bad and that.. little by little wiyh your proper upbringing i think she will understand..