Here is my quandry...I have been seeing a gentleman for about a year now...and we care for each other very much. He has met my kids, and gets along great with them, but is very hesitant to be a father figure in their lives. We get along wonderfully, but I fear that there is not a long term future. About a month ago, I saw an old flame and it was clear that the connection we shared at one time still is incredibly strong, though we did not act on it. He is in the end of his current relationship, and he has expressed to me that he would like to date again. My kids are not an issue with him, as he also has a daughter, and loves children. Here are two absolutely wonderful men....I am conflicted as to what to do, and want to try and find a solution that would produce the least amount of hurt to all involved....
2006-12-10 16:31:39 · 18 answers · asked by Vivian 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Take your time to think. Ask some time to your current partner and take the time to know this old friend and then make a decision. Sit and write in a piece of paper the pros and cons of each of them and also think in your kids future.
2006-12-10 16:40:43 · answer #1 · answered by Dita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough situation. What I see is a choice between a relationship that has worked for a year, but may or may not have a future over the issue of kids.
And a former flame (remember the reasons you parted? might they still be issues?) where there is a mutual attraction but with a man who is not even necessarily into the rebounding portion, much less recovery stage of a relationship.
What I would suggest is to be open and honest with both of them about how you feel, why you feel conflicted, and how they feel.
If neither has any long term intentions then you obviously would need to move elsewhere for a long term relationship.
One or even both may say the things you need and want... which leaves you back where you are in some regards...
The point is - you need to talk with them about the situation. About how you feel.
And a hint - if you're really not comfortable talking with one or the other, that may say something about that relationships possible future...
Just my .01
I wish you the best.
-dh
2006-12-10 16:40:36 · answer #2 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok my advice to you is. the first guy may be wonderful but is having a little bit of doubts about the whole fatherhood thing. your kids come first and if he has doubts now then its probably not going to work. Now the second guy sounds like a keeper i mean you immediatley felt the connection all over again. I dont really think he ever left your heart. The good thing is he already has a daughter so hes all in for the fatherhood thing. He knows exactly what to do. I think the first guy may be a little to inmature and just dont want the responsibilities now. but that dosent mean hes a bad guy its just your life is going in a different direction from his. You have children and want to settle down with a family and he's still not sure. The best choice is guy 2 you already love him and he loves you. go for it.
2006-12-10 16:40:01 · answer #3 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your kids are part of the picture and the first guy is hesitant about being the father figure in their lives I would go with the second man.
Provided there isn't any baggage from the past...
And also provided there isn't much ill will left over from your last break-up.
2006-12-10 16:36:15 · answer #4 · answered by pubali b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like it's time to move on from Mr. Hesitant/not-long-term to someone who you still feel "incredibly strong" about.
It's ultimately your decision to make, but it seems that by asking this question you've already made your decision.
2006-12-10 16:34:41 · answer #5 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow you’re heart. Choose the one you can see waking up next to for the rest of you’re life, the one you absolutely can’t live without, the one that makes you feel content and satisfied.
2006-12-10 17:05:14 · answer #6 · answered by UnknownJaneDoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get back togather with the old flame and see if there is anything there. Good Luck.
2006-12-10 16:33:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another man and go out with all 3.
2006-12-10 16:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by Hello 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would go with the old flame, But, first throw him on the table and checkground to see if he has any luggage left.
2006-12-10 17:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by mia t 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can really answer that. You have to go with what your heart tells you even though you know somebody will be hurt.
2006-12-10 16:34:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋