we have an 8 month old baby of our own right now, but everytime i see pictures or anything else that connects with his past, im jealous, and hurt.. its insane but i cant help it.. when i asked why did they separate, he said that his previous wife wanted it.it didnt answer my question as to why did it end.. he just told me that even he upto now dont know the reason as well..whenever i get the courage to ask, i become afraid he would misinterpret and get annoyed..what should i do?
2006-12-10 16:23:41 · 19 answers · asked by i cant 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The past is the past and if anything all you can do is learn from it. But don't live in it. You will be misreable for the rest of life if you live in the past. Also, you can't keep asking him about it because he will get annoyed. Rembember he is your "husband" now. He decided to marry again, and it was to you that he decided to do so. The more you question him, the more he is going to think you don't trust him and if anything, that is the one thing that really turns off a guy. Guys hate it when a girl can't trust him. And guys hate being questioned about past relationships. My last two exes used to hate it when I used to ask about thier past relationships. I don't why it is that they beocome all uncomfortable to talk about it. They just can't talk about it. They get all quiet and then they change the subject... I know exactly how you feel, becuase when they do this it makes us girls think that maybe they still want that past girl. But I don't' think they do. I think you need to work on your self-confidence. You should be happily living your and his life together, especially with a new born baby in the family. He has chosen you to live his life with now so do that and don't worry about the past.
The past will always be there and you can't forget about it, but you can't bring it up and live by it in your everyday life.
Good Luck. :)
2006-12-10 16:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in this situation once about 5 years ago. I had a boyfriend, who was very good to me but already had children from a previous marriage. He was older than me and didn't want anymore children. There isn't really any advice I can give you, only you know the right answers. I don't however believe that there is only on person out there that is right for you. It is probably not in your thinking right now but I'm sure there is a man out there who will be able to tick more of your 'must have' boxes. All's well that ended with me however, I split up with him and after a few years trying, found my match and am happily planning the future with my new man. Good luck.
2016-03-29 02:46:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone, she didn't want him and now he wants you. If you keep bringing it up your going to cause yourself problems.It's normal to be a little insecure when you marry a man with an ex and kids, but you really need to get over it. You didn't say he has given you any reason to be jealous, so it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. If you can't get over it maybe you should do the same thing she did and leave and next time find a man that's never been with anyone, hard to do since now days almost everyone has a past of some kind.
2006-12-10 16:29:44 · answer #3 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This problem is a serious liability to your relationship and ultimately your happiness.
I suggest getting counseling. Try seeing the counselor on your own first.
If you have insurance, many insurance companies will pay for counseling when the counselor is within their network.
You need to understand that your jealousy is a reflection of some internal wound of your own - and not a reflection of your husband. With counseling, you can discover the wound that is causing this debihilitating jealousy that threatens your happiness and begin the process of healing. You can get over this with the right help.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-10 16:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by Indy Mind 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husbond has tried to answer you need to let his past go, that occurred before he even knew you....you can't hold him responsible for things whcih he did before you! What if he held over your head all of the GUYS you have had SEX with and all of the other"DARK SECRETS" you still have that you have not told him about? Maybe his ex wanted out because she was wac and he was an innocent victim and really does not know why she wanted out!...If he loves you let that be enough! Don't ng him about something he cannot change!
2006-12-10 17:07:40 · answer #5 · answered by Dre 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are. I'm at the same place. You need to be able to ask questions and have them answered, but remember there is always a right time. Never ask when you are upset. I've been lucky and been able to ask and have everything I've asked answered for me. It does get better---just slowly. Take your time and know that before long you will be just as secure with him as she ever was...even more so. Good luck.
2006-12-10 16:26:48 · answer #6 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so much like my situation, in a way. My fiance is also divorced with two children. We don't have a child of our own though. Well, my fiance's wife cheated and she wanted it too. Don't be afraid to be open with him. He must love you so just try to talk to him. And as for the jealous part, don't look at it as jealousy. Just look at it as, you love him and seeing others with him upset you. You want him to yourself. Nothing wrong in being like that. I am not jealous of his children, but I am of his ex wife, so I understand how you feel. But try to talk to him about it, I am sure he will understand. Hope this helped. Happy Holidays,
2006-12-10 16:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by Danae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is with you now, and you are his family. His past is his past. Same as everyone elses. But you can't change any of it. and now he is yours, and you share a beautiful baby. If need be and the timing is right, maybe mention that it scares you sometimes that he has been divorced. Esp. if you are worried that he may do it to you. But otherwise look to the present.
2006-12-10 16:32:15 · answer #8 · answered by mke 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you on this one, but everyone has a past life,and thats were you should keep it, In the Past,or your not goin to enjoy ur future, he dosent want to talk bout it yet,maybe in time he will,until then let it go, look to tomorow and enjoy what u have, he married u so that proves he has moved on and loves u.
2006-12-10 16:36:19 · answer #9 · answered by Bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been where you are before and trust me, all those answers you are longing for will only piss you off or hurt your feelings if they ever come. It's not about him and his past, it's about what's going on inside of you right now.
Let what you can go on a day to day basis. What you cant let go of, get help for. Otherwise this inner turmoil will kill your relationship.
2006-12-10 16:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by Sheryl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋