What should my immediate and long term answer be when my serious boyfriend asks if we can have a polyamorous relationship with the mother of his 2 children because he still has feelings for her but he wants to be with me the most and not lose me???
2006-12-10 15:55:07 · 39 answers · asked by questioning 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell him you don't share.
Or tell him ok.
I'm sure you know which you agree with...
2006-12-10 15:56:36 · answer #1 · answered by mr_mumbles_nyc 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Oh God. I don't know where to begin. For him to ask you that is just incredible. He wants his cake and eat it too. How in the world would that work out? If he really wanted to be with you the most and not lose you, he would not be asking you to even consider such an arrangement. I would let him go. Maybe if he gets a taste of what it's like not to have you in his life, it will put things into perspective for him and help clarify his feelings. You have to ask yourself, is this (being polyamorous) what I really want?
2006-12-10 16:17:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It really is up to you. How do you feel about sharing him with his childrens' mother? Is that something you can handle? How would you feel about your relationship, will this make it stronger or will this break it? Will jealousy arise? These are some questions that only you can answer for yourself. Have a talk with your boyfriend and see if this is really the best decision for the two of you.
2006-12-10 16:10:12 · answer #3 · answered by UnknownJaneDoe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Erm, don't be a doormat.
Make him choose. If he "still has feelings for her" then he doesn't love you and by asking you that question he doesn't respect you either. He doesn't love or respect his ex either. He wants to be back with his ex-wife and kids and to have you for sex on the side. He just wants the best of both worlds and will tell you anything to get it. Trust me this will not work out well if you let yourself be manipulated. Just because you love him like mad doesn't mean he loves you back.
Get rid of him or make him choose.
If he doesn't want you then thats his tough luck. Give your love and affection to someone who actually cares about you.
2006-12-10 15:58:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
so what he really wants is his cake and to eat it?? it depends if your happy sharing the loser. i wouldnt be, you dont share someone you love. try asking if its ok if you can bring another man into the relationship and see how he likes that, he either wont and see your point about sharing or if he agrees then he doesnt actually love you. how can you share someone you love?? this will lead to your self esteem plumeting and your confidence not far behind. be a woman and tell him to choose. be brave, if he chooses the ex then take take comfort in the fact he didnt love you enough and you deserve your love to go to someone who does.
2006-12-10 20:07:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being selfish and unfair to you. What do you want? Would you really be happy sharing your lover with his ex-partner? Is she really willing to share him with you or does she really want him back in the first place or is your lover playing you? Please give this serious thought as not only you could end up getting hurt. Besides, what happens to you or her when he gets bored with either one and decides he wants someone else in the mix? He should think what this will do to his children. Kids are not stupid and soon catch on to things. They would be constantly unsettled by their father's revolving bedroom door. Please don't contribute to this despicable farce!
2006-12-10 17:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by DeeDee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to f*** off...if he really wanted to be with you he wouldnt want her like that. I get thats his babys moma . i also would get if he still loved her and didn't wana be with her, ya know cuz thats his babys moma and he probley loved her then and that just can't go away, but hes tryna have polyamorous relatshionship. that's just a fancy way off playin you.
for all of you who dont know
polyamorous : pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships
2006-12-10 16:04:15 · answer #7 · answered by Mz.Venenosa 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Really think it through. Don't automatically say yes. I guess part of the question is too--does she know and agree? If not, it will be a whole new can of worms. Take care, and don't risk happiness hoping for a change later...it may happen, but then again, he may never decide you're the one and only.
2006-12-10 15:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman who is too good to share HER man with any other woman. If he wanted to be with you the most, he would not be bringing another woman into your relationship. You should be the ADULT center of his life and not be just one-third of a relationship.
2006-12-10 15:59:36 · answer #9 · answered by christi4681 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what do you want to say?my guess is you dont want this, if you were cool with it you wouldnt be asking.if he loves you then he should consider your feelings too.if he still needs his ex aswell then your not right together walk away. Dont be led into a miserable place love is meant to make you feel good and if neither of you feel this its time to separate
2006-12-10 16:02:10 · answer #10 · answered by nendlin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget it. You won't be happy .
Ever Watched Big Love on Five? or just logically think about it. Would you be happy to live with him? Is one woman not enough for him? He is just telling you that you can't be the one who can make him happy.
2006-12-10 22:35:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋