i really need help?

Question

i had a miscarriage on the 5th of December last year and my best friend had a baby in the 5th of December this year. I am happy for my friend and her absolutly beutiful baby but at the same time i feel so jealous coz i should have been celebrating my babys first birthday and i just cant stop feeling jealous that she has a beutiful baby and i dont, what do i do about this

i might never fall pregnant again because of bad endometriosis so this makes it worse

i love my friends baby to bits and her older daughter too they r bother bieng braught up to call me aunty as she doesent have any siblings and im her closest friend but i dont wanna tell her how i feel incase it hurts her or causes any problems coz shes like a sister

Answer 1

it can be really hard losing a child. the best thing for you to do is to find someone to talk to about your pain.

Answer 2

I am sorry for your lost last year. I also went though a miscarriage several years ago after trying to become pregnant. I watched all my friends and coworkers have babies during that time, and I was so unhappy and disappointed because I couldn't.

It is normal to feel some sort of jealousy. I sure did for quite sometime. You went though a major ordeal with the miscarriage, and you will always mourn that baby no matter if you were a few weeks or full term. If you are struggling with the feelings of your miscarriage until this date, then maybe it is best to speak with a psychologist. There is nothing wrong in doing so. I did and it helped a lot. A couple of years later, I then conceived and had a healthy baby. Don't give up. I am sure you will be able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby as well.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It is natural to feel a bit of resentment with this sort of thing its a case of "well why can you but i cant?!" or "why me" its a terrible thing to go through and i know of no easy way to get over it. time will lessen the pain but apart from that there isnt much you can do.
I think you should speak to your friend, maybe not just come out with the im jealous of you and baby but just say its hard for you at the moment, you keep thinking about what it would be like if you had a baby etc. im sure your friend will understand and try and help. It may also help to get it off your chest as things always get worse when they are bottled up!
good luck.

Answer 4

I am not a doctor, nor a female. My (late) wife at heart, had endometriosis as well as polycystic ovaries. She had a number of surgeries to burn the endometrial tissue ( I think these are called ablations). From a surgeon's opinion in Australia in the early 90's she had the worst case of endo he had seen. It started when she was 12.

I want to say never give up if it is in your heart to have a child then keep trying.

She was told she would never be capable of having children, and we managed to get pregnant twice

After almost dying from septicemia after an ablation, she saw a more radical gyn.

The gyn referred her to a psychologist who was experimenting with pain management as a technique for endo sufferers, and when she went through her past, she discovered she had been subjected to psychological abuse from her family, and she had a a lot of things bothering her, and her stress levels were at the brink of insane, and she did 6 months psychotherapy to resolve her past as best as she could.

This was just before she met me and she got short milder pain for the first year, and was pain free ever since (this has been for 7 years).

It would be ridiculous to say this is a cure that will fix anyone, and insulting to say that endo is all in the mind. But it would not be unreasonable to think perhaps that a stressed mind manifests in a physical form (like what was thought to have been the case with ulcers). I do believe it is in every endo sufferer's interest to at least look into this route as it is the least invasive path and definitely before a hysterectomy is considered.

She was the editor of the association's newsletter which she gathered information from the internet about endometriosis, and she attended some surgeries, and she was of the opinion that the tiny amount of endometrial tissue they ablate could not cause that much pain. That would lead me to believe their could be some neurological or psychological component to this.

The ethics in the providers of care for this illness must be questioned. This could be an unusual condition that does not have a pharmaceutical nor surgical cure, and the volume of money pushed in this direction is huge.

Currently the way of thinking is the only way to treat endometriosis is to shut down the reproductive system, or keyhole ablation surgery. Both of these are extreme treatments in my view.

Anyway some food for thought

Answer 5

I was in a similar situation 3 years ago.

I friend at work (not knowing i had been pregnant) chose the day i went back to work after a miscarriage to announce her pregnancy. I got a few odd looks for running out crying.

Our relationship is only just getting back to normal as I was extremely hurt & jelous, despite her not knowing I had lost my baby.

She is a very proud mother & constantly talks about her son but over time & after having a few good rants to other friends about how unfair it all is I've managed to deal with my feelings & talk to her without feeling resentful that she had her child but I didnt

Answer 6

I know it sounds cheezy, but time does heal wounds. I also lost a baby....I was 24 weeks pregnant, and my sister in law was due the same time as me. She had a beautiful baby girl, while my precious baby boy was stillborn. The first time I saw my niece, I burst into tears and could hardly look at her. It's been almost four years now, and it's much easier to bear. Just give yourself some more time. I still cry for my baby sometimes, but at least I can talk about it without crying (most of the time anyway).
I'm so sorry for your loss.....

Answer 7

Years ago, our then-next door neighbors were expecting a baby. I thought I was infertile, and it was very hard to watch her go through pregnancy and have a beautiful baby girl. I almost couldn't stand to look at her.

A number of years later, after I'd had a miscarriage, I suffered whenever I saw pregnant women.

A support group was helpful. Try to find one. When you are surrounded with people who know just what you're going through, you will feel so comfortable and not so alone anymore.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

Do not be hard on yourself. it is very very normal to feel that way.
and do not give up, you never know you might have your baby next year. and if not I am sure there is a reason behind it.

just take it easy and if you do not feel like seeing your friend for a while do not go over her home. you might want to tell her the trout or just make some excuses.

You will be fine and you will have a baby, there is always ways and hope even if it is adaption

Best to luck and take care

Answer 9

hi there i was sorry to hear of your loss,i myself lost my first son at 21 weeks pregnant.on the 4th of december,he would have been 21 last week.i went on to have 3 healthy son,s and am now 34 weeks pregnant but it does not lesson the loss i still feel for him.feeling jealous is a natural emotion i felt jealous of my next door neighbour who was pregnant at the same time as me for years.do.nt give up on having children my freind got pregnant while having severe endiometrosis.it is possible.i,m sure your a great aunty and hope your future is rosie.take care

Answer 10

its only natural to feel this way,i lost my first baby and still to this day i think of him.you'll find when the time comes and you have a second baby those feelings will still be there but it'll be you will feel a guilt towards the baby you can't hold.its all part of being human and a mothers love.just remember that your friend didn't wish to distress you,your hurt is for your baby not your friend,and this proves your love lives on take care my love

Answer 11

It can be so hard losing a pregnancy, just remember you can have more children & will when the time is right. My best friends baby died the same day her cousins baby was born, so every birthday could be tramatic, rather she focuses on the life & not the death