A poem about my social anxiety disorder. What do you think?

Question

I cried last night
But it’s alright
Because I was alone
So no one could have known
I know how to hide it
Even when my body goes into a fit
I have been learning for years
How to hide my fears
But now they can no longer stay away
And haunt me until the dawn of day
When day comes it’s a clean slate
That’s tarnished by this awful state
It eats away at me from the inside
Because all I ever do is hide
Some days I feel brave
And crawl out of my grave
I smile and look up only for a moment
But then I fail from the torment
My hands tremble and quiver
As if I had crawled out of a freezing river
My heart beats faster
It just gets sadder
I find it hard to breathe
I’m too scared to wheeze
I’m about to collapse
And with a gasp
I manage to say
How’s your day
But my victory is far from over
Because soon I’m about to cower
Down goes my head
I feel like I’m dead
I run away
There goes another day
Another night of crying
Because on the inside I'm dying

Answer 1

Some of the rhymes seemed a little forced, but all in all it was a very expressive poem. The line "all I ever do is hide" really got my attention because that was a very good description of me a few years ago. Just know that you're not alone in feeling that way.

Answer 2

There is a melody in there. Maybe if it was put to a song after a few draft versions. Your words are so sad, so shy...a melody and a long rythum, a high soprano, piano with synthesizer drums for the effect of your pain. It might turn your poem of anxiety into enchantment. I hope it does. I hope you overcome this torment, if this is how you really feel.

Answer 3

I'm really glad I tracked it down, I answered your first question so I knew to look for it. If this is an example of what you do after not writing for a long time I can wait to see what your next ones are like after you've gained a little confidence in yourself again.
Again may i say I loved it, very good.
Hope more people look for it.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry you have this problem. You have expressed it so very well. My husband has this to - and sadly has had it for many many years. Your poem has helped me to understand what he goes through.

I hope that you are getting help for this. There are some medications which are very helpful, but also there are therapy practices which will help. Look up Dr. Phil and type in 'phobias'. He says that it takes ten hours to cure a phobia.

Good luck. Your poem is wonderful!!!

Answer 5

I liked it. And it's fine the way it is, really. I don't want to discourage you. But I think that it might 'flow' better or sound more heartfelt if it didn't rhyme. Does that make sense? The rhyming was a distraction for me.

Answer 6

I like it. You can def. tell there is feeling and truth in it.

Try putting it on www.poetry.com they select best poems and the winner recieves awards.

Answer 7

For ****'s sake, go cut yourself and then listen to some emo music or something. The poem is exactly what it seems: the ridiculous self pity of an average teenager.

Answer 8

so maybe you should stop wallowing in your depression and go outside and play. or how bout you talk to a doctor about going on some paxil or something.