My brother is 21 and has a mess of a life, and though the whole family has tried to help him, he has not improved at all. Here's the list. He's been on drugs and alcohol. never has a job, or keeps it for only a few days, bums money off of everyone. now has a girl pregnant. plus he has depression and WILL NOT seek help. we have tried to take him, and he has backed out everytime, He doesn't keep a home, he lives with his friends. we never know if he is even alive.
Is there anything we can do? It is frustrating and I often get angry with him for this. no one else in my family acts like this.
2006-12-10 13:53:02 · 9 answers · asked by -- 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He has to want help to get off his drugs and alcohol. In the meantime, there's a group called alanon. It's for family members of alcoholics and drug addicts. It helps you to deal with the problems they caused and understand what you are going through. Your local phone book should have it listed. I've been through addiction before and I know what a mess it can cause for families. I wish I could help you more, myself, but this is the best I can do. Good luck.
2006-12-10 14:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through.My older brother is the same way.We have tried everything to get him straightened out.But, he is still messing things up for himself.My brother has been placed in court appoint rehab twice now for a year each time and within 24 hours of his release he is back to his old tricks again. I have learned that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.You have to do what is best for you and let him take care of himself I know it will be hard for you to do.But you can't force him to change. I know I have tried with my brother for 20 years now.Now amount of arguing,fighting or rehab will help if he doesn't want the help.You need to be strong enough for the both of you and stand firm with him and don't let him barrow anymore money or move in or any of the million things he will try to con you into.When we help him we help him feed his addiction.You need to help by not helping.Don't enable him to continue his behavior.And if he wants to continue make him do it on his own.Making him responsible for himself doesn't mean you don't love him it mean quite the opposite.You are showing your love for him by making him stand on his own.He has to learn now why he still has family to fall back on or he will be completely lost when there isn't anyone around to care for him.
2006-12-11 04:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot get help for him, unless he wants help. Just be there for him as much as you can. No one picks this kind of life, sometimes it just happens. The only other option is for your family to do an "intervention". . The really sad part is, your brother is probably as unhappy about his life style, as your are, but does not have the strength to change it. Good luck!
2006-12-10 13:57:58 · answer #3 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try an intervention. Get everyone who loves him and everyone he "loves" in the same room and have everyone tell him how his actions make them feel. One by one, honest to the core. The truth hurts but so does what he is doing. Someone needs to tell him that if he doesnt' straighten up he's getting cut off. A drunk/druggie often needs to hit rock bottom on their own before they will "wake up" but; in the meantime, try an intervention.
2006-12-10 13:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take your brother by the neck and shake him then throw him down and kick him. then tell him that is what his life is going to be like He owes everyone money, one day thy will get tied of him bumming. and someday someone will hurt him real bad or the drug dealer Will bust his knee! then where well he be! O is a {man} he is 21?
2006-12-10 14:44:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but you can't make it happen. the trouble is in himself, and he needs to WANT to get better.
so I'd say, don't condemn him. don't give up. just back off. let him realize he's made a mess of life--on his own time. and when he comes around, don't harangue him, just be supportive.
god bless him and your family, good luck
2006-12-10 14:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by Netty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not really much you can do. he has to want to improve his life on his own. tough love is the best kind of love you cna offer. he has to know and understand that his family love him but will not be there for him to misused.
2006-12-10 13:56:13 · answer #7 · answered by jumiboo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think there is much you can do. the more you push the more he's going to push back. my brother was the same and it took all of us just talking nicely - not pushing- and letting him make his own decisions (he has no one to blame but himself) for him to finally snap out of it. just always let him know you love him and care about him, but it's also ok to let him know you're disappointed and very worried.
2006-12-10 13:59:54 · answer #8 · answered by missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only he can change his life . and that is only if He wants too.
2006-12-10 13:55:37 · answer #9 · answered by single-rose@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋