selfishness????

Question

Hi everyone, i want to get answers from you. I have a good husband yes he gave me good stuff. but that is not what i want in our marriage. I want him to give time for me like good conversation, go places together, but no, it doesnt happen. His time was spend with other people talking. when i thought its a best chance to talk to him, he will not listen, he will go to computer room and make him self busy there. oh my god i dont know what im going to do, we are just newly married, but i feel like im not happy. Because i feel like there something missing in our relationship. god, i dont know what im going to do i want to be happy with him pls help me.

Answer 1

Talk and talk again with him. You two are newly married and this shouldn't be happening. Did he act this way before? If not then maybe he is stressed about his job, but before it goes on and you get more hurt by it make sure he understands how you feel.

Answer 2

You said you have a good husband because he gives you stuff !! When it comes to communicating he is definately lacking in that area. You need to tell him how you feel. Let him know that you appreciate everything he gives you but what you really want most of all is quality time with him. Where you both sit down and just talk about anything and everything. As you are only newly married it may just take him a little while to adjust to married life. Then again if you dated for a long time before you married, you should have realized what he was like before you married him. He may be a person who finds it hard to communicate for one reason or another as my husband used to be like that. You can fix that though with time. If that is your only complaint with married life l would say you are reasonably lucky. You will be happy with him, you just need to keep talking to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Good luck, it will get better with time !!

Answer 3

Alright calm down and listen please, the first thing you have to do is ask yourself was he like this before you were married? If your answer was yes and you didn't recognize it then, you made a mistake by marrying him. If not you need to get some help for yourself because it's driving you crazy (your husband won't talk to you) go see a therapist. It isn't normal that you won't give you the time of day (for no reason); He sounds like he wants to control you as a possession (just a perception). Good luck to you and I think you deserve better. God bless you!

Answer 4

Shieryl, I was the same way. Communication with a spouse seems to women like a natural conversation. But, to tell you the truth, we suck at it in the beginning of our relationship. This communication is a learned response. And we guys are slow learners! The great thing is once we learn, life is so sweet. Don't give up! Make sure that it isn't transformed into debating! Debating is one step up from arguing! We HATE arguing! If you want a time table on when it becomes bearable, my wife says a couple years. 3 with mine (we are arguing about this right now) She'll win of course!

Answer 5

Oh dear!! So early in your marriage. I hate to tell you this but, your husband has other thoughts on his mind which will probably wreck your marriage sooner or later. My husband did exactly the same to me. He would not go for a walk, drives, ignored me when I was talking to him and spent a lot of time on his computer completely ignoring my complaints. Have you noticed his mobile phone is never around to be seen by you? These are dangerous signs that he is up to something. I am feeling the pain for you, I wish I could tell you something more encouraging but, going by your comments about your husband, I'm afraid they are the signs of unfaithfulness coming on. You take care of yourself kiddo and prepare yourself. I do hope he will come to his senses though. Be thinking of you.

Answer 6

Well, like you said, he gives you things, and that's fine and good, but what you really want is to be with him.

Ask him if he'd read a book with you about relationships, just because you've heard it's really good and you'd like to share it with him and get his opinions. The book is called "Love Languages", I believe the author is Gary Smalley and it's pretty popular, you should be able to find it pretty easily.

Anyway, it describes how we all speak different "languages" of love, and if we don't speak the same one as our spouse, we may think we're communicating love when we actually are not, so we need to learn how to speak the other spouse's "language" so we know we are communicating what we are wanting to. He lists 5 of them; physical touch, affirming words, gifts, acts of service, and quality time.

If you haven't been married that long, then I can't imagine there's real discord there, but this book has helped a lot of marriages in their communication.

Buck up, it's way too early to push the panic button, but especially in the early years, communication is vital!

Answer 7

This situation sounds like you two don't know how to communicate your love to each other. He likes to give gifts to show love BUT you need quality time to feel loved.

I think the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman would do your marriage some good. It talks about how love is demonstrated through behavior, and how people interpret it.

I'm giving this book to all my couple friends this year for Christmas, it has brought helpful ideas into my marriage.

Answer 8

Sit him down and tell him exactly what you just said here. Communication is so important in a relationship. Without it, your marriage doesn't stand a chance. If you still don't get the results you want, give him a choice....his computer or you. if he does not know how to roamnce you, and I don't mean just sex, there are alot of men like me that would love the opportunity to do so.

Answer 9

Hi hunni!!
It is difficult to know what to say here but I would start by organising some time alone together and getting him to sit himself down and talking with you. Explain to him how you are feeling and that you need for him to address these fears/worries for you!! It may be that he is scared of this whole new marriage thing??
If this doesnt work as you might expect, either he doesnt discuss with you or doesnt address the problems (because there seems to be big ones). I would tell him that you and him will need to get councelling......!!
I hope this helps hunni!!.....and g'luck!!

Answer 10

ok, go to him smell him behind the left ear on his neck while he's on the computer. then gently get his attention. work your way through something wonderful. there is a way you know how to work your husband, get him all worked up and sit on his lap. make a special memory and wonderful dream you could be fullfilling. be the aggressor. maybe he doesn't have a clue, but you know how to wake him up to the point where he won't say no. do it right now you won't be sorry. when he ask later whats got into you then you tell him you want to breathe every breath he takes and make everymove he makes just like ya'll did when you first met. then tell him you love him with all you heart and soul and you want this trip to be a unforgetable one good luck