We are both 21, engaged, and plan to get married in about 5 years time.In general, how much maturing do people tend to do from their early 20s til their mid-late 20s.
Thanks guys
2006-12-10 12:57:09 · 31 answers · asked by Heidi M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are asking for a miracle, if you expect him or anyone to change.
2006-12-10 13:00:10 · answer #1 · answered by Nut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your boyfriend want to change?
Getting married won't make him unlazy. Accepting him without expectations of changing him is the way to a happy marriage. Entering a relationship with hopes and desires that he'll change is usually unfruitful.
You can change your behavior by stating exactly what you need and maybe you'll get what you want or at lest you'll find out that he is unable to deliver.
For example, saying you need him to be less lazy won't cut it. Asking him to do specific things for you, like pick his clothes off the floor or wash his own dishes may bring a better result. He may or may not do what you ask, but at least he will know what you want and need from him. If he refuses or doesn't do it, you have choices: you can leave his mess alone, you can clean up after him, or you can decide that you prefer to live without him.
It is always unrealistic to expect someone to change. You can hope, manipulate, coerce and complain, and he will still do what he chooses. This doesn't mean he won't change, but nagging him to change usually brings resentment.
If what you mean by lazy is that he refuses to work or to get a better job, that one may be a little more difficult. You can set a boundary that you refuse to marry him until he has been working before you get married, but there are still no guarantees that he would continue to work after marriage.
Before marriage it is good to ask yourself what qualities you want in a mate and see if he has those qualities before you marry him. Potential doesn't count. Can you accept him as he is? If not, better to not marry.
2006-12-10 21:15:22 · answer #2 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They'll mature a bit but believe me, if he's undomesticated and lazy now, he'll be that way for the long haul. Go ahead only if you can be responsible for both of you, make all the money the two of you will need, and carry the whole burden. It is very unrealistic of you to think he'll change.
2006-12-10 21:01:03 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I met my now husband he was 23 and so immature and lazy but I thought he just needed time to grow up. It's been 5 years and he has grown a little but not enough, he still can't keep a job very long and dosen't help with the house. He will only change when and if he wants to, marriage isn't going to be the golden ticket.
2006-12-11 00:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by dreamer2606 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unrealistic. My husband was single for many years and lived a lazy single lifestyle. He has changed only slightly. Do not expect any real change. He will probably be that way throughout his life. AND, if he gets better before you marry, he may revert once you are married.
2006-12-10 21:25:21 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are " set " in other words ...what they will be like as adults at about the age of 5 ( according to Dear Abbey ) and your current b/f will NOT change so stop thinking that he will because it's a waste of effort. He might be able to a little here and there ( week couple days ) but nothing long term.
2006-12-10 21:02:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your soon to be spouse will not change for you; he may grow later, but that's an awfully big gamble and huge investment of time on a "what if". If he drives you nuts now, in all liklihood, those behaviors will still be there later. And if you try to change him, you'll really be asking for it.
You just need to decide if you're willing to look past it, because if it makes you crazy now, it will wreck your marriage when you are living together.
2006-12-10 21:12:15 · answer #7 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men usually change a lot between 20 and 25, but laziness seems to be eternal.
2006-12-10 20:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Hillaryforpresident 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only will he be doing the same things in 5 years, he'll probably be lazier. My mother told me when I was about 14, "don't ever think you can change a man..". Now, 11 years into my relationship, I realise she was absolutely right.
2006-12-10 21:08:45 · answer #9 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes YEARS for men to grow up- how patient are you??? Some take 5 years, some 10, some 20.
2006-12-10 22:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by JustMyOpinion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's always the possibility that he will change. It's good to know that you've projected marriage in 5 years - otherwise, I'd discourage you to get married right away.
Good luck!
2006-12-10 21:07:00 · answer #11 · answered by Cindy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋