Five minutes pass
Tears streaming down my face
My heart is broken in every single place
These words of hurt
Of truth and sorrow
I don’t know what will come tomorrow
I never wanted to say good-bye
But now I’m forced to try
And spread my wings and fly
Five minutes can change the world
Every little boy and every little girl
Five minutes can be forever
Five minutes can seem like never
It’s hard when a friend betrays
It seems nothing like yesterday
The pain is enormous when a friend turns into an enemy
But you have to find the right place
And just be who you want to be
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything
Don’t just go on teasing
Everything will be alright
Just sit back at look at the wonderful sight.
2006-12-10 12:47:37 · 15 answers · asked by Lala 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
Good job!
I'm actually going through what you just described, and it gave me a little more hope.
thank you, and keep up the writing.
2006-12-10 12:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
on the first line that says 'but now i am forced to try and spread my wings...'
dont say 'and', say 'to'
on the last line that says 'everything happens for a reason, everything.'....
dont say everything twice. it sounds cheesy
and dont say 'sit back and look at the wonderful sight...'
because judging from the rest of your poem, its not much of a wonderful sight....friends are fighting, tears are streaming down your face, your hearts broken in every single place, your being forced to do something....
doesnt sound logical.
try something like .... "my pain is your joy"
or something like that
but its pretty good other than that
2006-12-10 13:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by saveitforthemoshpit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The content is good, I mean, the message is right but you get to work in the structure... if is the first poem you write It's great, but if you get already some practice, you need to work in the structure... Another recommendation, English is not very romantic so you need to find a little less colloquial vocabulary.
2006-12-10 14:59:13 · answer #3 · answered by Mick Ruiz 182 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetry is subjective. I do not chiefly just like the four stanza rhyming each and every two line structure. I suppose due to the fact it jogs my memory of writing poetry in center tuition. That's simply me although. For English magnificence I suppose you'll be able to be satisfactory
2016-09-03 08:45:18 · answer #4 · answered by pointdexter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the content is good, but in the first stanza a big focus is on rhyming and matching tense and length in line phrasing. later in the poem, you kinda go to more of a looser style which isn't really disorienting or anything, but it feels odd when reading it aloud.
like i said, all in all it's pretty good. just stylistically i think it needs to be tightened up a little bit.
keep up the good work!
2006-12-10 12:52:02 · answer #5 · answered by Sam B. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The message is beautiful, heart-felt and passionate. If you have more like this, I hope you can connect with the right professional and produce a best-selling CD of poetry. God bless you, and please keep up the good work.
2006-12-10 12:59:45 · answer #6 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u did a good job as long a poem comes from the heart and has meaning it is a good poem anything that doesn't mean anything from a person in my opinion is garbage and you can carry a feeling in a poem and i think that you did
2006-12-10 13:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by marion r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the work of a future famous poet! =D
2006-12-10 13:48:10 · answer #8 · answered by sugar n' spice 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me guess a friend or boy friend did something mean to you behind your back and now your really upset right?
2006-12-10 13:36:27 · answer #9 · answered by ♫That'll be the Day♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job!
2006-12-10 12:49:53 · answer #10 · answered by ♥jamie♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋