What should my son do? When he got his son Friday he was dirty his clothes were dirty and he was so sick!?

Question

My son and his soon to be X are in court fighting for custody of my grandson. Is there anything we can do where she doesn't take care of him. We have reason to beleive that she is not keeping him, that her sister is, that lives a couple of countys away. While she is living here with this man that she moved in with as soon as my son left her. And social services told her to take him to the doctor about three weeks ago, because his was so sick. I didn't here about this til some time later. When my son picked him up Friday eveing at 6 he was so sick running a fever and coughing so bad, we stopped and got him some over the counter meds. to take but he does need to see a doctor. What should we do?

Answer 1

Keep a detailed log of dates & times of when these occurences began, they will prove helpful when a custody hearing is being determined. Take him to see a doctor, and explain the situation to the MD, make sure to keep the records of the visit, any doctors notes etc.

Answer 2

I would suggest you take him to the ER and have him looked at and have it documented by the doctor or a Social Worker. They can write in their report the apperance of his son and a Social Worker will also do the same and talk to your grandson and your son to see their side of the story. Ask the Social Worker and doctor to forward their reports to the Child Protective Services. Hopefully, when they recieve them, an investigation will be opened. If your son has an attorney, then he better let him/her know that they have been filed and to have him get a copy of them. Hopefully this will help out your son but your grandson too. Good luck!

Answer 3

I hoped you visited with the doctor by now or call 911 if necessary (seems neglectful on your part if you didn't partake emergency measures for doctor's care right away.) Why is social services involved? If the mother seems unfit, why doesn't your son have the child? (...failed to pay child support...?) By all means necessary the child needs to be seen by a doctor, first of all. If the doctor can attest to any abuse, neglect, etc... perhaps a temporary custody order can be filed. In other words, your son should present evidence to the court and explain why he should get custodial rights; he has to "prove" the ex is unfit... Does your grandson say anything about his living situation, his mom, relatives, etc...? Something doesn't sound right...

Answer 4

Yes take him to the doctor. you should know that come on no matter what in a custody battle the kid loses the parents feel pain no doubt but the person that really suffers is the kid(s) Been there so just do your best to take care of the kid and let the chips fall were they may in a divorce the court already knows what they are going to do before anyone speaks so just keep in mind that although your son and his wife are no longer together and that is sad there is no reason to make matters worse by pulling the kid in 2 directions.

Answer 5

first of all your son should take your grandson to a doctor, explain the situation and make sure he is ok. This way its documented that at least one of his parents are looking out for him. this can also be used in court to show that it was the father, not the mother who seeked medical attention. take photos of how he shows up, get witnesses, subpeonas (not sure if i spelled that right), try talking to a lawyer or someone from the courts who can give you some legal advice. sounds like this mother doesnt deserve to be a mom. congratulate your son for me for being a dad that actually cares, unfortunately, there arent many out there. good luck.

Answer 6

I have to agree with most of the responders. Your grandson is the innocent one that needs to be taken care of. The top priority should be that innocent child. You obviously realize that he needs to see a doctor since you stated that yourself. Just because she didn't take him immediately doesn't mean you and your son should neglect taking him. It almost sounds like everyone is playing games. Because social services didn't specifically ask YOU to take him to the doctor... you didn't take him... WHY??? First and foremost... take care of your grandson. Notate everything that is going on... hire a private investigator if you have to. But ... PLEASE... take care of that child!!

Answer 7

get a copy of the socials request to see a doctor and make the ex show he went. If no proof use it against her in court
can you hire a private detective to verify where the boy is staying ?
keep the receipts for the medicine and such to show your son is being a concerned parent

Answer 8

I would call social services again and explain to them what happened and what your suspisions are. As for your grandson, if he's still really sick, I would take him to the emergency room or some walk in clinic.

Answer 9

Well, if they are fighting for custody. Neither one of them technically has custody yet. If your son believes his sons life and health are in danger he should keep his son next time he picks him up and not return him to his ex. He needs to take the child to the emergency room ASAP and get some meds and tests. Save the reciepts for the emergency room because he will need them to show the severity of the infants condition even if it is only a common cold it shows his fatherly concern. Take pictures of the babies clothes and the baby if the baby is very dirty and/or injured-bruised. He needs to call the sheriff first and tell them that his child is sick and his mother is neglecting the child and he will not return the child in fear for its life and good health and fill out a report and be willing to come to the station so it is not construed as "kidnapping" and he is trying to handle it in a mature manner. If SHE calls the sheriff first if he retains physical custody of the child then more than likely he will have to hand-over the child when she comes over with the police. If he calls the shefiff and informs them and files a report more than likely he will not be required to return the child until the court makes it's ruling.

If he makes the bold step to do this, and I commend him as an active father also, he will NEED to have his ducks in a row. HE can expect to be put under a microscope as a defense by the mother to prove he is UNFIT as her only basis to get the child back. He will need to make enough money, have reliable child care, transportation/access to a car (or public transportation nearby), space for the child to sleep. On the floor, a couch or in the bed with him is not acceptable as the law sees it. The baby needs to atleast have a crib in a room that he sleeps in but shares with no one else. His surroundings will need to be clean-and-tidy because that is another area he will be tried on to ensure he is fit by possible on the spot inspection by child services. Just because she is UNFIT does not automatically give him preference if he can't prove he is nearly twice as fit. When things are a little close then they may give deference to the mother and write it off to differences in child rearing. Goos luck and your son has my prayers for him as he makes a better life for his child.

As far as her not keeping the child. It is nearly impossible to prove unless you hire a private detective to track her movements for a matter of weeks. Maybe months. Even if the baby spends TOO much time at her sisters thats not neccessarily neglect if the child spends some time at the mothers home atleast. In your sons favor, she will have to be under the same scrutiny. Does she have a stable place to live? Is she staying with some bum she barely knows? Does SHE have a job? She can't count her boyfriends income if they aren't married. Back to my initial comment, he needs NOT return the child if there is a HISTORY of the child not appearing to be well-cared for and there is a legitimate concern for the childs safety. If custody is awarded to the mother then he would need to use the appropriate avenues like Family and Childrens services along with hiring family law attorneys. It has not been proven but female attorneys tend to work better for male clients than male law attorneys. Her attorney may make it a gener preference issue and his female attorney can soften his image if they are painting him to be a monster or an oaf.

IMPORTANT!!!!

Remind him never to threaten her with taking the child away! Almost anything sneaky or underhanded she does after that short of murder can be explained away as a mothers fear of losing her child. His reactions will be weighed heavily but hers will mostly be excused. He should even avoid arguing with her without a witness present or it being taped. Seriously.

Answer 10

The courts really need to settle the case. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do. I would talk to your son, and make sure your grandson's lack of medical care is addressed in court. Besides that, I think you just need to wait it out.