I am so mad I can scream!!! I have been trying to do the right thing. I dont talk bad about my ex in front of our daughter because I dont want to hurt her. My ex promised my little girl he's going to spend Sunday with her. Guess what he didn't show up..... I called him to find out whats going on 'cuz she's crying alot she wants her daddy. He tells me, well my friends called.. we're out in partying in Glendora. His, friends? OMG he's 37 not 21. Then he gets mad at me, I am ruining his only night off & to leave him alone. So I am stuck consoling a little girl that all she wants is her daddy.... Fine let him visit his friends, but don't promise your little girl & not show up. Sorry for the venting... but Why don't some dads get it, that just because we dont get along, he doesn't have to hurt their kids feelings.
2006-12-10 12:11:51 · 16 answers · asked by Amy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let's face it. If he was perfect you would still be married. He is not mature enough to play at being a father if his friends come before his daughter. She will not understand this, but she will not forget that daddy didn't come get her.
2006-12-10 12:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contrary to some opinions it is certain that your daughter will always want to connect with her father. Please tell the little girl that it's not her fault. Repeat that over and over so that she gets it and doesn't blame herself which she will do at the drop of a hat. Don't honey coat it and say he's busy. Something along the lines of he just not able to be a good father now may be best. You can try to blunt the hurt by reminding her that he may not come when he promises to be there.
You NEED to vent and may need some help in the form of counseling or therapy. A good, happy, stable mother is the best you can do for her at the moment.
He doesn't get it because he probably didn't get proper parenting as a child. (Not that it matter too much WHY he's such a nincompoop.
It might keep him from seeing the child if he gets verbally beaten up by you when he shows up. I'm not saying you do that but, if you do, that will perhaps keep him away to.
2006-12-10 12:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The broken promise is the part that hurts a child more. You can buffer that by letting him promise you rather than her such things and just let it be a surprise if it happens and not mentioned it to her if he flakes. When a dad is a unreliable you need to protect the child and not worry too much about his contact time. She will be old enough to give him a few home truths soon enough. Don't be sorry for the venting either...it's good for you. Another thing that helps is to stop tell the father off and trying to make him do the right thing - let him work it out or let him fade away because it's just a roundabout of hurt trying to make a bad guy good.
2006-12-10 12:22:15 · answer #3 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is clearly a selfish person that puts alcohol above his own child. I wouldn't tell your daughter he's coming from now on - if he actually comes, then she'll be happy but if he doesn't, she'll be none the wiser. I think it's really good that you're not criticising your ex in front of your daughter; my mother did that for years and I've never really forgiven her for bagging my father. Might I say my dad was a good dad.
I would encourage the ex to visit but don't get your daughter's or your hopes up. Just keep raising your little girl like you have been and if this child decides he wants to become a man someday, then it's a bonus. Sorry hon, but he seems like a deadbeat dad that your daughter will end up resenting; kids aren't silly, they know when they're being thrown to the side.
2006-12-10 12:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a jerk. So many parents use the kids to hurt the other parent when in reality they are hurting the kids. That sounds what he is doing. You are doing the right thing by not speaking badly about him in front of her. I would tell him straight out that he he's not hurting anyone but his little girl, if he's making these promises on the phone to her don't let him talk to her. You need to protect her. As your child gets older and is able to understand you just tell the truth, he'd rather be with his friends.
2006-12-10 12:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My adivice is for YOU to stop making an issue out of it. You are only making it worse for your daughter. When he doesn't show up shrug your shoulders and tell her she can call him later on to find out why. Put it in HIS lap. When she calls he will have to come up with an explanation, and be aware of the trouble he has caused. The reason he does it is that he doesn't care plain and simply. Your daughter knows this and she is doing what kids do best letting him dig his own grave. The day will come when he will WANT to spend time with her and SHE will be busy with friends and having a good time...that will be the pay back. See below...
2006-12-10 12:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-18 02:12:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad did the same thing to me when I was 13 till know so for 12 years he done it and has even gotten remarried without inviting me but invited my brother some parents are that way. My mom tried never bad mouth him and I have the best relationship with her because she was always there. It is not your fault, just try to think up something fun to do instead just the 2 of you. Like dress up or shopping or her favorite movies and healthy snake(not lot of junk food that will lead to emotional eat, not good)
2006-12-10 15:18:56 · answer #8 · answered by serenity_lily24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They do not get it because they are unwilling to put anyone first before themselves. Next time I would not tell her daddy is coming I would let it be a surprise. This way if the jerk does not show up she will not know he was suppose to. This man is inmature and very very selfish. He gets it all right, he gets it is all about him and to hell with his precious child. Mom protect her dont tell her again let her be surprised, she will be happy if he shows and not heart broken if he kicks her to the curb again.
2006-12-10 12:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sucks and your daughter will realize that when she gets older. She will see now that he is a low life and will want nothing to do with him when shes older. And then he will want to spend time with her, but by then it will be too late... She will already know how crappy of a father he is. Just let her know you will always be there for her even if he's not. She will thank you later. : )
2006-12-10 12:15:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋