A good effective cure for jealousy?

Question

Hello,my now boyfriend has very big problem with jealousy. We tried few therapist, but they werent much help. He gets very upset over people just looking at me, or talking to me, no matter who it is, altho of course, when it is some guy, it gets worse. He hates me texting with my friends and little things like that. His jealousy makes our lifes hell. Except that, he is very nice guy, very talented when it comes to music, funny, friendly guy. This influences his life anourmously and makes it imposible for him to feel happy. Do you know about something helpfull?
Please, if you want to make coment like that he is a freak, or so, please keep it to yourself, as Im loooking for help for person I love. Thank you for your answers, maybe someone has got experience with this.

Sorry, I didnt mean to write my now boyfriend. just a mistake.

The thing is, that i did sit down with him, and did tell him, that I really want to be with him. Im crazy about him, he is the best in my eyes, but makes the life with him imposible.I told him, as long as he makes me happy, there is no one, who could be a threat to him. But unfortunately, it didnt help,no matter how hard i tried.

I did all the things one of you said. When i saw some other guy around us, i hugged my guy, kissed him, show to others we are a couple and i love him a lot.i always hold his hand, always say he is gorgeous, didnt put him down, tried to make him feel good. I dont stare or flirt with others, i avoid all the contact just not to have any arguement.I cant text when im alone, cause im never alone, i have to be with him 24-7. When i text, i always say what im saying.

Answer 1

Has he had relationships in the past where his girlfreind has cheated, put him down, and was always flirting?
You talking to him, or other people talking to him will not change the way he is. When you are alone together he is probably a totally different person.
When other people are around you especially men he changes. He does that for a number of reasons.
He sees all men as a threat, and he is worried that they may take you away from him. or compare them to him and he will not be good enough for you. He doesn't like you having any friends because he thinks they will influence you and he will lose you.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS>
You can tell him not to worry until your blue in the face. So you need to put your words into action.
So try these things they may not get rid of his problems but they may assure him that HE is the one you want and he can TRUST you.
If you have any single male friends, they are who he fears most.
arrange a get together so your boyfriend can get to know them, invite any single girls you know too. make sure you stay by your boyfriends side and NEVER be alone with your male friends. Don't ignore your guests ofcourse, if your boyfriend says or does something wrong DON'T critize him in front of your guests. In other words baby him... If your boyfriend and male friends meet they may become friends too and he will consider them less of a threat. You don't need to stop talking to ar seeing your friends, but maybe you could concentrate on him when you are together? Can't you text your friends later when you are alone? He thinks you are hiding something from him when you text instead of speak to people. ARE YOU???
When you are together out somewhere keep your eyes on him! If someone stares at you, turn to him, grab his hand, or arm, give him a kiss etc. It will tell the stranger your taken, Then if your boyfriend sees him looking at you, he will more secure that you aren't checking out other men. I'm not telling you to let him run your life, and he acts the way he does for a reason. If you do love him, make him feel like he is no 1. He doesn't trust you around other people, so go out of your way to SHOW him he can trust you, put your friends on hold for awhile, and focus on him, he will begin to feel more secure and he won't be as jealous.
PS... I used to be like your boyfriend, I felt that way because my ex would flirt with girls, stare at them, and ignore me around them, even put me down. in other words his actions caused me to be that way. So put yourself in his shoes, think if YOU are doing anything to make him feel that way. If you are STOP!!!

Answer 2

Just tell him that there is no one out there that you would rather be with but him and no matter how much you love him if he cant trust you then you cant have a healthy relationship! Tell him that you've put your part into making the relationship work and that it is now his turn! This may end up in an arguement but maybe thats what you need so each of you can hear how the other is really feeling because out of what you have said i think that there is something he isnt telling you ! I give you the best of luck maybe there is someone better out there even though i know that you do really love him!!!!!! well good luck!!!!

Answer 3

This is not very good for you.Jealousy is a bad thing it turns into you getting th #ell beat out of you if he is that bad.You cant live that way with no life but him,is that what you want.He don't own you you can do what you want.As far as effective cure is for you to leave him and tell him when he can get over it you two will get back together,let him work it out you don't need him like this.I am not saying he is a freak or nothing like that he has problems that need to be took care of.It is in his heart he feel like you are his and no one else.I went threw this with my first wife she made our life hell,no one needs to live like this.If she saw a girl look my way she would get mad,if the phone rang and it was the wrong number,I was accused of doing something.If I was 15 min late coming home from work life was hell.Take it from someone that lived like this nobody needs this and it will get worse as time goes on.

Answer 4

You may love him and I applaud you for trying to seek help for him, but until your boyfriend is truly willing to change, yall can see every therapist on this earth and it wont help. Your boyfriend has some insecurities and hang ups about himself and feels that he does not deserve a woman like you and when other guys look at you those thoughts are fueled which leads to anger.

But....be careful. Because jealousy can lead to obsession which can lead to death. Many a woman has been disfigured by a man who loved her because he felt inadequate and felt the woman would leave him. So he made it to where no one would want the woman. I have also known a couple of women who were killed by their jealous boyfriends. I know a couple of family members right now who cant goto the bathroom alone because their boyfriends are so jealous.

I know that you love him, but just be careful and look for any tell tell signs his behavior may be getting worst. He has to want to change, and until then, you are stuck with jealousy and possession on his part for you. I will pray for you.

Answer 5

I know a little of where you're coming from. My boyfriend is the jealous type as well, but I must say, not quite as jealous as your own boyfriend. It seems to me like your boyfriend is insecure, affraid of losing you. (Which should be a bit flattering on your part.) But he needs to come to terms with the fact that you have a life that doesn't only revolve around him, no matter how much the two of you love each other. If he's affraid of losing you, like it seems to me, maybe you should sit him down, without anyone else around, and tell him you love him, and you don't want anyone else, but that you have to have a life, that social interaction is important, and that if he loved you the way you love him, he would be able to accept that.
My own boyfriend gets angry when a guy friend of mine tells me to give him a call, or asks how I've been, or asks to hangout sometime. But I've gotten him to the point where he realizes he's the one I love, and that I can't control what other people do or say, which is what you're man needs to realize. . . I don't think he's a freak or anything, like what you wrote. I do believe that you deserve to have a life with friends and whatnot, and if he can't deal with that. . .ya know?
Either way, I hope this helps a bit. -.^ Much luck.
-Katrina

Answer 6

Jealousy does not sound like the correct word. As I understand jealousy is when you want something someone else has. In your boyfriends case this not true. He is possessive. He does not understand that you are a person. To him you are an object. And I am sad to tell you that there is only one path for these type of relationships: separation.

Answer 7

Jealousy is a symptom of insecurity and has different levels as with any other emotion. Your boyfriend needs to find a level where he feels secure with your relationship and the jealousy will fade. It isn't easy to be sure, but if he could turn it around and be proud of your appearance, etc. instead of feeling threatened he would be a much happier man.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I can relate to what you write as I had a b/f just like yours when I was 18. There's almost no cure - I believe it's a very "mental" issue with him ! So I dumped him a year later. No regrets - it's almost impossible to live with such a person.