I work fulltime and we have an 8 month old baby. He has ben ou of work for 2 months now. He won't help around the house unless I get really mad at him and I am so tired of him being lazy. He was this bad about the household chores when he worked. He would say that he couldn't helpout more since he was tired from work, etc. I work full time and have had a child and I still do the housework. I have tried to call him from work and remind him what to do but then he finds this nagging but if I don't call, then he says I didn't ask him to do it. We have been married for about 1.5 years. When I bust my butt cleaning all week and after work the next week it is trashed again because he says he has all weekend to clean, but it doesn't happen. What can I do. I love him but very frustrated. Please help!
2006-12-10 11:42:50 · 19 answers · asked by Autumn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has been looking for a job and has one that will start in the next month
2006-12-11 02:59:14 · update #1
Don't get mad at him. Parents do not teach us guys how to clean. You have to show him, teach him. He is lost at this time. Give him things to do, and things you will do.
Such as do the laundry every day. The dishes every day. Just straighten up the house every day. Simple chores. A house that is at least straightened up and with washed dishes and washed clothes is a home you can come to and not feel overwhelmed.
I do the laundry, separate my wife's clothes into a laundry basket afterwards. She likes to put up her own clothes. I put away the underware, socks, my clothes, but leave her clothes for her to put away.
PS A good way to find a job is to enroll in all the temp agencies in your town. They now hire temp first, then offer full time after a while if you work out. With temp work, you will work almost every day. And THAT is what a man's ego needs; a JOB!
And at night, he still can help out because his chores are easy to do and help both of you.
2006-12-10 12:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to begin with this is all stuff you SHOULD have discussed before you got married. He isn't going to change so stop expecting it. My ex husband never helped out either, when I got home from workin 10 hours a day he would ask "What's for dinner and when will it be ready"...this was a man who was home from work at least an hour before I got off work even. He never lifted a finger to help but could critisize if something wasn't done. I finally gave up and if he wanted to critisize I let go in one ear and out the other. You have to decide what it is you want and if this is worth getting frustrated over and if it is enough to cause an end to the marriage.
2006-12-10 12:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your Heart! I hate how the America of today forces low wage earners to have both parents working! Now to hear this guy is out of work and isn't busting his butt to get a job and/or keeping up the house just makes me crazy! Hear is what would work if you were trying to get me to do the chores. Write them down on a list. That way I got some concrete to go on..a way to get "done" (if I do the whole list I did enough to stop). Just prioritize put the most important first. Hope that this helps..oh I would cut him off on bedroom intimacy since hes not acting like a husband he shouldn't enjoy husband privileges
2006-12-10 12:52:08 · answer #3 · answered by ssunfish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, pretend that your husband is a dog.
Second, watch "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic Channel.
Third, apply techniques learned to your husband.
You'll find that Cesar Milan's advice for dealing with unruly dogs works almost as well on people. Plus, you'll get a good laugh.
2006-12-10 11:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by iamsamshady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop nagging him, they shut down when we do that. Then you need to sit him down and tell him that while he is not working he has no excuse to help out around the house and that you at the very least expect him to clean up after himself. If that doesn't work, take care of yourself and your baby never mind him.
2006-12-10 12:01:14 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't work, and isn't fulfilling his duties as a house-husband what does he do all day? I would give him an ultimatum, either stay home and clean the house, or go to work and you stay home. You are obviously shouldering way too much burden for your family, he needs to be a man and contribute!
2006-12-10 11:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may be depressed from not having a job. Depression makes you forget to do the everyday things. Ask him if he would like you to leave a short list of chores to be done each day so he doesn't forget them.
2006-12-10 11:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow congratulaions!! You married a no good loser piece of crap. I bet he has a very sexy physique though. What a toss up huh? Does he pee on you like R. Kelly? Seriosuly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. And stop trying to drag others into it. You made this situation because you are a normal, extremely materialistic woman. Stick around or leave him, you are who you are and nothing is going to change, so just get used to it. It's about much more than simple household chores, so stop patronizing yourself. You like worthless men, so get used to it and learn how to cope with doing all the work. As long as he hits your spot every night, who cares right!?!
2006-12-10 12:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by Frederick N 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
you need to sit down and tell him how stressed out you feel! if he loves you he will make time! ask for a comprimise, say you'll get him his favorite dessert in his favorite chair, or do his favorite activity, if he'll help out more. make sure that you don't end up doing more, or him. he needs to know that your on his team. one more thing, maybe he's just feeling like he's not being apretianted, or that he's being nagged to much. just stick with complimenting him on something, and make him want to do something for you. if he feels like you care, he'll want to do the stuff for you. love him, and he'll want to love you. it's a vibes thing, negative brings negative and so forth.
2006-12-10 11:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by Sarissa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
give him a taste of his own medicine. let the dishes pile up, do not wash his clothes, but do wash yours, dont clean the house, but do get some lysol wipes to wipe the toilet for your sake. dont pick anything up, keep the stuff laying around for as long as you can stand it. try it... it may work
2006-12-10 12:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by dana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋