This is a long personal question... But I need some advice???

Question

My mother became friends with this family, she also cleaned there 10 thousand sq. ft. home. I also became friends with them. Eventually she was fired, and the friendship ended for her. I had already become very close to this family, and couldn't just end the relationship because of her. That pissed my mom off! They had helped my husband and I out of some tight situations. I didn;t feel that they deserved that! Then my husband, and myself got the invite to move into their huge home RENT FREE for a year, in trade I would clean their home. This was a great opportunity that I couldn't pass up. My mother hasn't spoken to me since I chose to continue our friendship. My brother and his wife think that I am the one that broke up the family! I didn't go to see my family on Thanksgiving, but I called my mom and said happy Thanksgiving. But I really don't know what to do about Christmas? My husband wants me to just forget about them. I am so torn!!!


Thank you for any suggestions!!!

Answer 1

MOM NEEDS TO PUT THIS BEHIND HER. ARE YOU ABLE TO JUST GO TO YOUR MOM'S ON CHRISTMAS, JUST SHOW UP? A MOTHER'S LOVE IS NEVER ENDING. JUST SHOW UP AND TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER. YOU CAN'T JUST SHUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE, WE ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER & FATHER. GO FOR IT, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK. LATER ON IN LIFE YOU WILL BE THANKFUL YOU DID, TRUST ME..

Answer 2

For starters, you can never just forget about your own family, so sorry to your husband but that was very insensitive. You need to look into the reasons she was fired, there could be something there that noone has told you. If you have already done that or know all that went on, then I would say your mother needs to act her age. As far as holidays, etc.. call your family and tell them Merry Christmas, or if they always have family gatherings go to them and of course don't bring any of this up and see how they all react. If you go there with the intentions of just spending time with the people you love and they throw **** in your face then leave, but at least you can say you tried. As far as moving in with these people, you have to do what is best for YOUR family, not your mother or anyone else. If it would be a great financial help to you and your husband to move there then that is what you should do, so good choice on that one. In closing, never stop trying to fix things with your mother, forget about what anyone else in the family thinks or says, cause they aren't in this, it's between your mother and you, but never stop trying. Just call her a lot, even if she doesn't answer, leave a message and at least tell her that you love her. You would feel horrible if she left this earth without you getting a chance to tell her that, so if you tell her everyday then you don't have to worry about it. Hope I helped! Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Well your Mother thinks just because she was fired from there all her immiadate family should have nothing to do with them. Well she's wrong you and her have differents friends sometimes the same ones but just because one of you quits a friendship doesn't mean all the family has to. Well you did good when you called your Mom and said Happy Thanksgiving, your telling her your open for friendship with her. If she doesn't take it well it's her problem. SO don't listen to your idiot brother because the family broke up when your Mom just gave up on her family. SO don't worry call her and ask her about getting together if she rejects the idea well it's her problem. ANd don't listen to your husband because it's your family not his. If it was the other way he would do what your doing. But don't forget time heals all wounds. So call her and make peace and if rejects it , it's off your shoulders.

Answer 4

The best Christmas gift you can give to your mother is to demonstrate to her that she raised a daughter of character. I could write a 30 minute sermon here, but I will attempt to distill it.
What makes you think this woman will not get ticked off at you and kick you and your husband out to the curb? A one-year contract? Even in writing, she has the right to put you out of her home at a moment's notice.
Finally, she is using you as a [very effective] way to get back at your mother. Any person, woman or man [including that "prince" you're married to] who knowingly drives a wedge between parent and child, has zero morals, zero character. Your mother probably realized this [thus the fight] and called her on it.
Tell your mother and brother that you are looking for a new position and a new home and hope that you can spend the rest of the holidays with them. And do it. And apologize.

Answer 5

Every choice in life has consequences and this one has major ones. The opportunity could be passed up - you chose to take sides with them over your mother. There is financial gain for you in doing so but you have lost something worth much more and that is the sense of unity and family loyalty that you will miss for years to come past the one year fling. My advise it simple - Family comes first - show some loyalty because no doubt your mother worked to make your life better and you are repaying this by hurting her.

Answer 6

You will only have one family and you should not let such small things come between you and them. Without knowing the circumstances of your mother getting fired it's hard to understand why she would expect you to feel sorry for her. If her self esteem was injured by being fired and she's looking for some support you can give that to her without giving up your friendship or your job. This sounds like a great deal for you and your husband so you should tell your mom you feel sorry for her losing her job but she should feel good that you have a job and a place to live. It could be worse. If you had neither you could be living with her.

Answer 7

Sometimes, even though they don't want to admit it, our mothers and fathers learn from us, their children. I guess if I was in that situation I would let your mom know that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Just give her a call and tell her how you feel. She's your mother and she won't leave you hanging if you let her know what you are feeling. You husband should be a MAN, and realize that family to EVERYONE is the most important. He is being very selfish telling you to forget them. That's your family! Good Luck girl!

Answer 8

As the old saying goes; "blood is thicker than water." You need to have a discussion with your family about your wants and desires. The fact that your mother is refusing to speak to you because of these circumstances is equally unacceptable. Create a dialogue between yourselves. It's going to be hard, but regardless, you need to ensure your relationship with your mother remains healthy. I lost my mother last year to lung cancer and wasn't as close to her as I wanted to be. I'll regret that the rest of my days. While your stay and friendship with these people may be temporary, the devotion to family is permanent and unrelenting. It doesn't make sense now, but when you lose her, you'll know you were wrong. Don't make the same mistake I did. Honor your mother, even if it means less for you. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

Answer 9

Write a long christmas card to your mum if she doesn't want to address the issue in person. Tell her what you've told us, but leave out the part about 'your husband telling you to forget about your family'. Maybe your mum just doesn't see the full picture. Explain to her that you've had a hard time and this family was kind enough to help you pull through.

Tell your mum that you do cherish her as your mother and you really need her emotional support. Also, tell her that you wish she'd be proud of you because you're appreciative of other people's act of kindness.

Your mum is probably just angry at the moment, but that anger will eventually subside.

Answer 10

I would not forget about my family that is for sure. Your mother feels betrayed and you need to feel that pain of hers while expressing to her the opportunity that fell into your lap. If you acknowledge her pain and understand where she is coming from I think that might help bridge the gap. This is a real touchy situation but honey you may need your family one day...to blow them off is wrong just wrong. Find the compassion and ask yourself if you were the mother and your daughter did this to you would you feel somewhat betrayed? If you answer honestly you will say yes........so talk to mom one on one hear her feel the pain and express yourself. Bet you come to a great understanding! Good Luck

Answer 11

For one thing family is important you can always get friends and all, And why would you just call your mom for thanksgiving instead of going over there thats not cool, And as far as your husband you have to be able to think for yourself and not let anyone make you feel guilty you and your family need to work out your differences before it gets too bad. Don't let dealth or anything make you appreciate your family, love them while they are still around