15 i think shes having sex and i think shes pregnant, help?

Question

my daughter has been going out with this boy for a month, and it seems they really love eachother. she has had past relationshipd, but none have been as serious as this one. i really like th eboy she is dating. he treats her well and treats her father and i with respect. when i have asked her about having sex she responded with a no. i told her to come and talk to me before she decided to do anything. but i feel that she has. i have noticed that she hasnt gotten her period yet, and she usually gets it around this time. i don't want my child to have a child. i try to talk to her, but she says that she hasnt done anything with him. i will not be mad at her, i just want her to be able to trust me and be abe to come tome and be honest. what should i do?

Answer 1

first of all, I want to say that I think you're a great mother. (i'm an expecting mom, so it's neat to read the things that I may eventually be getting into) I also think that it's great that you have been open and honest with your daughter, it leaves the door open if she really does need someone to come to.
Unfortunately some teen girls (I was one not so long ago) have trouble opening up to their moms. I know I did. I had the most horrible, irregular periods, and I was way too scared to go to my mom. Kinda ridiculous in hindsight.
I think it's important that you trust her, but also let her know that you do care. I know this sounds kinda oxymoronish, but what I mean is, you have to trust that she's telling you the truth, because if you press the issue too much she might pull away. But you also need to let her know that if anything happens, that you'll absolutely be there for her, and let her know that you're there is she needs to talk about anything. Try a mother daughter day out, or something like that. Even tell her about your experience as a teenager, so that you're someone that she can relate to, aside from just being her mom. At the moment she may just see you as the "mom figure" not someone who was a teenager once.

As far as her period goes, I wouldn't worry yet. Stress and anxiousness, or even excitement (like having a new bf that she really really cares about) can cause her period to be late. If she is pregnant, I'm sure that she will come to you eventually, and before doing anything rash especially if you've let her know that you wouldn't be angry.

I know this isn't from the experience as a mom, but it's definitely from a girl who was once a teen who was too embarassed to talk to her mom.

Answer 2

Hmmm ... I'd go with trusting her answer No for a little while. Just because she hasn't gotten her period yet doesn't mean that she won't get it later. A period for a teen can take unusual turns. Is she really active in sports and such? That can actually stop her period from coming. I would assume that you've told her that you wouldn't be mad at her if she did do something and that you'd be there to help her out. I don't know, it's only been a month since they've started going out? Try sitting her down and maybe being a little more stern with talking to her to make sure you get a straight answer. I don't know. Maybe the best thing to do would be to wait it out for the next month and see what happens. I hope that things work out for the best.

Answer 3

Since I'm sixteen, hopefully I can help you out there on how you should ask your child, I know that even if my mom asked me if i was doing stuff I'd say no too, I think it's the fact that she's scared of what you will think of her, maybe you should be more open to her and just be like, I was a teen once and just tell her some of your stories about when you first had sex, and say just i mean just tell her about your teen years, i'm not open to my mom about my life either and probaly never will be I mean she'll probaly get upset if i told her but she'd get over it. And even if she is pregnant she'll have to tell you eventually, But just try to like one day just you and her go out to like a icecream parlor or somewhere and on the way there just talk i mean about different things and just tell her things and she'll open up too you i guarantee it!.

Answer 4

Tell her you are concerned about her health, and would like her to have an appointment with a women's health practitioner. If she has not had one yet, explain what is involved, and that the provider will be HER doctor or nurse-practitioner - and will need accurate information to give her good healthcare. Let her know you would welcome anything she chooses to share with you or discuss with you after her visit but assure her that it will be private.
That way you've opened the doors to communication, enlisted a healthcare provider (who will probably encourage her to talk with you), and gotten her access to whatever care is appropriate depending on the whole sex/ pregnancy situation.

Answer 5

Sigh. I went through that with my mom.

She was totally convinced I was having sex with my boyfriend and ended up calling his mother to tell her so. Of course he got in huge trouble because she didn't believe him when he said we hadn't done anything. He was grounded for 'lying' when he was telling the truth.

She thought we were having sex because she talked herself into believing I was pregnant. My periods were really irregular then ... as are MOST teens'. So please don't accuse her of anything. All you can do is believe her!

You've asked her to talk to you about this but either 1) she's lying and doesn't trust you, or 2) she's insulted because you don't believe the truth. To fix this you have to treat her like an adult. Tell her you think it's time to see a gynecologist because she's nearly sixteen (and that IS when doctors recommend you first see one unless you're sexually active before then). Have her call one and make an appointment (NOT yours ... my mom tried to pull that but hers was an old coot, plus the thought of the same person looking at both of us was sickening to me. Pick a young female doctor.).

After she makes the appointment, call back while she's at school. Ask whether they'll give her a pregnancy test even if she says she's not sexually active. Most will but some might not if she says she's a virgin. Take her. DO NOT try to go in the exam room with her unless she wants you to. That will just cause a fight and it shows, again, that you don't trust her. They'll give her a pregnancy test and examine her; they'll probably also screen for STDs and talk to her about birth control.

After that's done you have to trust her to take care of it. Ask what the doctor talked about (but NOT what any test results were) and mention that in your opinion, she shouldn't have to go to the gyno yet but in this day and age with puberty starting earlier and babies having babies, you want her to be as safe as possible. Let her interpret that however she wants.

If she is pregnant, she might come to you and she might not. You can't make her. She might get an abortion on her own or decide to keep the baby without consulting you. But if you treat her like a young lady and show that you trust her judgment ... she will start showing better judgment! Hard to believe, I know, but what you expect is usually what you get. If she knows you expect her to lie and sneak that's what she'll do. People tend to live up or down to others' expectations.

Take a deep breath and trust her for now. Unless she starts showing obvious signs of pregnancy, don't bring it up again. If my mother had done this instead of calling me a liar and a whore, I might have talked to her about sex and birth control, too. But she didn't, so I didn't. We don't talk about important things to this day. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Certainly you don't want that to be your relationship with your daughter.

If you trust her to be responsible and give her the tools to live that way, she probably will. She may come to you later and say "Mom, I want to go back to the gyno and get on BC". Or maybe not. But you have to let her be responsible for herself right now. I wish my mother had.

Answer 6

i know from my own personal experience that you need to either take her to the doctor or buy a over-the-counter pregnancy test regardless if she has had her period or not. my daughter was at home with me and i didn't know that she was pregnant. this was someone that i was seeing everyday. just like you, i thought that she would come to me before she had sex, but i guess our reationship wasn't what i thought it was. now i have a beautiful grandaughter that i take care of 75% of the time because she wasn't ready for the responsibility. the only way to know for sure is to make her take the test. it's ironic because everything that you told your daughter, i told mine.

Answer 7

I'd go with the person above. It's been years since I was 15 and I still have irregular periods. Sometimes people get stressed out you know!

Answer 8

First thing you need to do is get her to the doctor. If she is not pregnant have her put on the pill. She is way to young for a baby but if she is you need to support her cause her whole life will be changing. I am glad that you like the guy that is a plus. Good Luck .

Answer 9

Maybe she hasn't been eating the same and her period is just late.

Let her come to you in her own time if you wont be angry at her it wont really matter if she doesn't tell you whats happening straight away teenage girls are the hardest to talk to so stubborn.

I'm sure she will confide in you eventually

Answer 10

I know when I was 15 my biggest fear was that my parents would be disappointed in me so I would do anything I could in order to not have to reveal anything to them...Just make sure that she knows no matter what you will be there for her and that you'll help her...as soon as she's ready she will come to you. Good Luck!