hi, i'm a 33 year old soon to be seperating from 46 year old wife. the seperation is her decision . we've been married for 6 years and i know or think the age difference may have caught up to us. i love her very much and hate having to seperate but agree with her that our marriage isnt working but at the same time i hurt very much and have no idea how to deal with it. Since 2002, i guess she has ask me to leave 6 times and maybe within 2 weeks or less i somehow bulls*** my way back into the house. the last time, i left and 2 days later thought i had made a mistake by leaving and made my way back in again. i guess what i am asking is why i want to be with her but know that things arent working out! when she asks me to leave, it kills me, but when i think she is happy with me, i want to leave. i thought that when i left on my terms i wouldnt miss her or care but it hurt as if it were her terms. any idea what my problem is? insecurity? self esteem issue? please advise me. thank you!
2006-12-10 10:45:26 · 6 answers · asked by john k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doesnt really matter whose choice. What youre afraid of is change and change affect us all differently. Even though you were only married 6yrs, you became attached to her and now the thought of leaving represents change and how are you going to live now. True, the age difference had a big part in this but people in time grow apart, ideas and things change and in relationships seperations happen. The your term/ her term thing is nothing more than little kids games people often play especially when neither wants the blame of causing failure, its human nature. You both know very well theres a problem in your relationship and both have decided seperation is best but neither wants to start so the games begin with nothing really solving the problem. So be the man just call it quits seperate and move on. Change is never easy but the sooner you begin, the sooner the pain subsides. Sorry about your marriage and good luck to your future
2006-12-10 10:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly l don't believe that the age difference should have anything to do with the breakdown of your marriage unless ofcourse she feels that you have a problem with her being older or too immature perhaps. I feel if you truely loved her you would fight for your marriage and not give in so easily !!I would also say that the reason it hurts you when she wants you to leave is because it is what she wants and was not your choice at the time. I feel this is a little selfish on your part !! It could certainly be insecurity or self esteem problems on your part but definately not hers as she seems to know what she wants and l would say that you are not it !! If the two of you cannot work out your problems like two mature adults you may as well just get divorced and be done with it. Why stay together making each other miserable. I would say that perhaps you both have some growing up to do !! Best of luck
2006-12-10 19:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you certainly are confused... here's some help sweetie. If it doesn't answer all you might have concerns about, write. And, I confess you haven't told me enough of the issues for me to sort most of it out..... Here's something to think about:
First, what is marriage? I think it is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust. (You didn't discuss why you two continue to part, so I don't know what the issues are. If you want more, you'll have to fill me in.) But in addition to the four things listed about, for sure go a whole lot of lovies, caring, concern, helpfulness, common interests, downplaying any negativity, protection of the other person, sexual giving rather than taking or just getting, silliness, as well as a quiet evening in front of a fire with a glass of wine, saying nothing, maybe. I'm assuming your marriage isn't crowded, i.e., neither of you has had an affair. If that is in there, betrayal IS the deal breaker.
None of us likes a change.... which is why you don't wish to leave...... I don't think age has much to do with it, it ain't ever the years, hon, it's the mileage.... we still don't think 13 years is a big deal if it is the guy who is 13 years older...
Tell me some more, why are you two unable to wish your marriage to go forward?
2006-12-10 19:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you still love her then I suggest you ask her if she wants marriage counseling. Why not try to save the marriage. You can also start by taking her out again like you did when you first started dating do this at least 2 times a month that is if she is willing to work on the marriage. If she does not want to make it work move on stay as busy as you can to get your mind off of her. Try to better yourself as best as you can. Start dressing better and looking your best. Start going out with your male friends and also start having fun being single. The more she sees you doing those things the more respect she will have for you and probably would want to work things out but do not do those things for that reason do it for yourself.
2006-12-10 18:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm. Sound like you always want what you don't have.
If you're constantly trying to get something, like getting back together or breaking up, you get caught up in drama... then you don't have time to look at your own behavior.
Might be a fear of intimacy... commitment... maybe some subconscious mother issues.
You'd benefit a lot from therapy.
Good luck.
2006-12-10 18:52:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your relationship is unstable and unsecure you both need a break from each other everyone need a stablity relationship in thier life because love is understanding / trust / communication and its not a game its not your terms or mine remerber life is a beautiful journey good luck
2006-12-10 18:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋