My mother wants to buy me furniture to make up for the past, should I agree?

Question

My mother and I have always had a terrible relationship. She raised me with me being the last priority in her mind and now that I have children of my own she suddenly wants to pop back into my life and is doing so by throwing very expensive gifts my way. I'd rather have a good relationship than a new front room but i could also really use the stuff. Should i turn down the gifts?

Answer 1

My family dose this also. They have been and are horrible parents and when their conscious gets to them they try to make it to me by buying me things. Or giving me things. I just say I don't need money or things I need family support. So just tell your mother that. Tell her that you appreciate the gifts, but you want a relationship with her more then anything. With my family I turned it down, but I really don't need it. If you really could use these things that's a hard one.

Answer 2

I don't think turning down the gifts is necessary, but at the same time, it must be made clear (between you and your mother) that material goods cannot compensate for the past. It should be an expression of love, and not the "love" itself. Hope things turn out well.

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my mother, and when she offered me an expensive gift and I turned it down, she never spoke to me again. Later I found out she told one of my Aunts that I acted 'too good' to accept anything from her (pure nonsense). So whatever you do, always accept gifts, it'll be an icebreaker at least.

Answer 4

Accept the gifts as well as the renewed relationship with your mother. This is a chance for the both of you to get to know one another. Some people never get a second chance and that dicision haunts them for the rest of their life....not to mention it wouldn't be fair to your children not to know their Grandmother.

Answer 5

Everyone makes mistakes.Even u. Maybe u should tell her what u are telling us.Like how u want a good relationship with her.It's not all her now that u are older. After u tell her that and she still wants to give u the furniture then take it and be thankful.Good luck

Answer 6

It is never too late to make up...No one can replace a mother, even one that has hurt you..as long as there is life and breath in both of you take the time...Maybe she doesnt know how to make up, and really all she can do is start today, let her do it, maybe she needs to, if you need the things, why not...This is a rough world out there, maybe she has a lot of guilt she needs to get rid of...talk it all out..the kids need grandparents...If it doesnt work you tried.

Answer 7

If I was in your shoes, I would not have turned the offer down unless it was morally wrong...in this case she may be asking for forgiveness in a different way... it is not easy to ask for forgiveness...we ought to make it easy for them.

I would like to ask, you may hold grudge against your mom, but should it entitle you to take away the love that your children deserves from their grandmother ? My opinion is "no". Also, this could be a lesson for your children that they will learn - that if their mother makes a mistake then they ought to unconditionally forgive you too. If you are selfish from this angle, then everybody wins.

Answer 8

no, don't turn down gifts. Make an effort to have a more personal relationship with her she is your mom after all, give her a second chance

Answer 9

Yes, you will only be making the nature of your relationship an economic one. The first chance she gets, she's gonna hit you with "And after I bought you all this..." If you want to have a relationship, that's fine, but go slow and let it happen naturally.

Answer 10

I would take the stuff, unless you don't want any contact with your mother. You get a new front room, she feels better, and hopefully, you can mend your relationship in the process.