My mother died, I do not know how to deal with Christmas. . .?

Question

She passed away 2 years ago. Last Christmas, it felt sort of fine because it felt like shewas just away on bussiness or one her numerous conferences she goes to. But this year, there is a finality and realiziation that she will not be cooking christmas turkey or giving christmas gift or even putting up a tree. She loved christmas with a passion. She would start decorating in October if we let her! I do not want to spend christmas and its tearing me up inside because this holiday is about family . . .Merry Chrstmas anyway.

Answer 1

Both my parents have died and so have the rest of my relatives in my small family. All I have left is a brother and a sister and we can only get together once a year. I know it is very hard. One of the things that we all have to deal with as we age is that the people with whom we celebrated so many holidays with will slowly pass away. The Christmases of our youth are gone. I think it is important to start new traditions. So start a new Christmas tradition this year. I am sorry that you lost your mother. Some of our losses take years to get over. It sounds as though your mother would have wanted you to get into the spirit of Christmas. Do it in her honor. My very best to you.

Answer 2

I'll share my beliefs with you. They may not be the same as yours, but I do hope that they help.

I believe that those who have died are not fully gone from us. For a time, they are able to be with us and watch us. Sometimes, they are able to communicate if they wish. In my religion, and belief, this place / state is called the Summerlands. It is a place of reflection and rest where people stay between incarnations.

Another viewpoint is that of the Native Americans. They believe that after death, those who have gone on are closer to us than any living being can be. They become part of the air and the earth, always around us.

Try to remember your mother. Cook her favorite dish. Perhaps you can practice some, trying to get her best pie "just right". Spend some time with her recipes.

Some traditions might set a seat for her that remains empty, just for her. It is a way of showing and experiencing that she is still with you.

Different traditions have different ways of dealing with death. That is the point of funerary services. It's sad that in our world today, especially in the United States, death is something we really don't deal with. There are a number of books that might help you out a bit.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book called "On Death and Dying" which talks about the stages that people go through in dealing with death.

Starhawk, a leading Pagan author was responsible for a project called "The Pagan Book of Living and Dying" that goes through the concept of dying from a mainly Pagan perspective, but it has a great deal of practical information and exercises for survivors of loved ones who have passed on.

Both of these might help some. If you are not a Christian, or if you can get deal with the Pagan imagery in the second book, it is a marvelous resource.

It's my belief that our dead remain with us for a time, and that we can continue to honor and love them when they've gone. Celebrating Christmas with them is just another way of honoring them. Finding the way to do so is part of the journey.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry. I send my love to you. I'm sure your mom watches over you and will be with you on Christmas. You must remember that she is happy, and in a better place. I can't claim that I know how you feel, because I haven't lost my mom, but I know it must be a very hard thing to come to terms with. I wish the best for you, and if you ever need a chat, email me or something.
Much love to you and your family.

Answer 4

I think back then you just denied it. The first thing I would do is be with close family that you DO have and be happy. It's christmas, I know she would want you to be happy! Then visit her grave and give her flowers. Remember the good times. Always pray for her as I bet she does to you.

Answer 5

It will never be the same.....the old saying, "you can't go home again" stands for all of us who've lost parents. BUT, there's a bright side.
Create your own Christmas with the ones you love by keeping your mom's traditions going strong.
You aren't alone.

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I lost my Mom 10 years ago and it still hurts. You will be able to smile again though. I just had to redefine it with other people like my daughter and grand daughter.

Answer 7

There incredibly is not any thank you to handle it. Its going to ensue and you cant substitute this. it is going to likely be annoying and it may even substitute your existence slightly. i think of the final element to do is enable each little thing out. in case you think of you would be able to desire to be good like alot of folk do then they carry of their thoughts in and it makes them fall down. Its ok to cry and be mad on the international yet you ought to no longer enable this harm your existence. Face the actuality that it incredibly is her time to pass and pray. coach her you like her and which you dont opt for her to pass yet you recognize that its her time. over the final moments or days or maybe years you have along with her you would be hit with guilt for each little thing advise you probably did or stated or something you have ever achieved incorrect it is going to all come back to you however the sole thank you to handle it incredibly is tell her you're sorry. it may even make her cry yet you would be able to desire to be there along with her because of the fact its greater sturdy for her than it incredibly is for you because of the fact shes meant to be there to guard you no count how previous you're and shes leaving you. i think of the sole thank you to deal is to enable it ensue because it does. Im sorry to hearken to this. My coronary heart is going out to you.

Answer 8

sorry I know mine died 12-23 way back in 77 and its never the same...keep on living and remember the good stuff..