This guy has befriended my mom and has well and truly settled in. He has no job and sponges off of her. She thinks he's great and praises him endlessly for evrything he does ie odd jobs around the home and shopping. But, when she is not there he is arrogant and very very unfriendly toward myself ad my brother, then when my mom apppears agin he changes into this friendly suck upp again. Every time she complains about someone he agrees and riles her up, and then sucks up by offering to ie go to the supermarket seen as so and so didnt etc etc...
I really dont know what to do, he has poisened her friends againt her and i barely ever visit cos he's always there (he has no job and never has) and she always defends him if i say anything, telling me that i have no right to be like that about her friends and he is nicer to him than anyone. Can anyone offer me a solution on how to get him to go away, without my mom hating me forever???please help
2006-12-10 08:47:51 · 10 answers · asked by christine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Try visiting him when she's at work and have a tape recorder hidden.
Take mom out to lunch, both of you kids and tell her what you both are seeing and hearing.
Can you threaten him youself to get him out of there, or are you younger and live there too?
So are you saying he's getting her friends to no longer like her or what? Can you go to these friends and tell them too what you and bro are seeing and hearing and ask for their love and guidence?
2006-12-10 09:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe the best way to get your Mom's attention, is to let her read your question and answers. Obviously she hasn't taken you seriously, when you tried to tell her how you feel about this man in her life, or how badly he makes you feel. Sometimes us Mom's just need a little shake to get us to listen. Obviously she is wrapped up in this man right now, and to blind to see how you feel, but I guarantee you, You are more important to her than anyone else in the world and perhaps if you just say, Hey Mom Look at my question, and read my answers, you may just get through to her. Good Luck.
2006-12-10 08:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real point is that whatever you or your mums friends think it is her life. If you try to 'force' her to see your point of view it is likely to drive her closer to the man.. Let me put it this way............if your mum had ever tried to tell you that your boyfriend was eveything you say her's is.......what would you have done? I suspect you have dug your heels in and been more determined to stay with that partner. So, what's differenence? Not a lot. If he is all you say, then she will suss that out for herself, eventually. But she has to work that out for herself.
2006-12-12 07:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, Kids can be really hateful when a new guy enters their mothers life.
suddenly, the mother who has spent all their time and money on the kids, now has a new interest, and - especialy if he isn't currently working - they can't see anything except their gravy train being taken away.
If you can find the humility to accept that mummy has a new lease of life, without too much overt jealousy, then maybe she will carry on being at your beck and call for babysitting, loans, etc ,etc
2006-12-10 09:03:34 · answer #4 · answered by SeabourneFerriesLtd 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cannot get him to go away. It is a matter between your mother and him. All you can do is keep your distance until he eventually leaves. We cannot always approve of who our friends or family team up with. We cannot really influence their choices.
Just think it won't last forever, and it's best if you are not the one who warns your mother off him.
Good luck!
2006-12-10 08:52:26 · answer #5 · answered by simon2blues 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is really hard...but its up to your mum at the end of the day.
I really feel for you. have you spoken to any of your other family or mums friends and got their opinion?
he may feel threatened by you as well. (although he sounds lazy)
I understand that you love your mum and want the best for her but it is up to her how to live her life.
Best thing is to get on with your life keep seeing your mum if its that hard can you meet up with her for coffees and stuff or meet her from work or stuff like that if you really cant stand him.
2006-12-10 08:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Nemo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mum has got to figure it out for herself she is a big girl now.......thing is someone can only keep up a facade for so long.....
also, if you get involved now he will just turn it around onto you, and you will loose out on your mum etc
I know its gonna be difficult but give him enough rope and he will hang himself
2006-12-10 08:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get out of your mothers personal dealings. take care of your own life. my new wife has a child like you. we are moving across the country because we will never have a good life here. you going to force mom to turn her back on you. let her live her life the way she wants too. i bet she lets you live your life as you want too.
2006-12-10 08:57:58 · answer #8 · answered by waljac6108 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really should talk to your mother about the situation. She needs to know your side of the whole thing. She probably just doesn't realize what he's like when she's not around, and never will if no one confronts her about it.
2006-12-10 08:50:10 · answer #9 · answered by Meg08 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your mam is happy, l would personally put up with it. You will feel superior this way.
2006-12-10 08:52:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋