Please tell me what you think:
Ignoring the call to return to my sanity
I'm holding on vainly, watching the ebb of life energy,
I've lost the will to fight,
Screams, tossings and turnings fill my night,
This battle I'm losing,
The waged war is ending,
My soldiers left, on the Battleground
This battle I'm losing,
Soon I'll be dying,
My death cry I'm crying,
I scribed my life away
Look at the carnage that surrounds,
A brutal death awaiting,
Some scars are not invisible,
We choose not to see,
My grip is getting looser,
My words are getting fewer,
This battle I'm losing,
The waged war is ending,
My soldiers left, on the battle ground
This battle I'm losing,
Soon I'll be dying,
This is my death cry I'm crying,
I scribed my life away,
I've lost
I've lost
I've lost
I'm lost
I'm lost
I am Lost
I am Lost
What have I done?
2006-12-10 08:46:19 · 24 answers · asked by upcoming_author 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I intended it more as a songl, I know it gets repetitive and overdramatic at the end
2006-12-10 09:06:07 · update #1
Are you a poet. This is like, really deep. I hoping it isn't true
2006-12-10 08:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ricky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good, I'd get rid of some of the I've lost, i'm lost, drags it out and in a sense creates to much drama it turns into relief when you get to the end. But other than that. Very good
2006-12-10 16:55:00 · answer #2 · answered by kgsult 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really good. This is kinda like the war time 'n' these kind of things always win a newberry award. I know that you did a good job. It went deep into my sole and I was like started crying.
Great job, it is really good. You deserve something.
Again, it went deep in my sole.
2006-12-10 17:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny
2006-12-10 16:49:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
brace yourself. i am honest.
I think it is terrible. It is too literal. I feel like I've read a hundred of these poems before, each like this one. try using more metaphor, that isn't so direct. I wish you would be more descriptive in the feeling of it. I hate poetry.
but I don't think you are terrible or hate you. good luck.
2006-12-10 16:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by -- 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like you are very depressed state of mind and wanted to give a vent to your feelings. As a poem this is by no means a master peace but good enough to read and appreciate it.
2006-12-10 16:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From an emotional standpoint: interesting
From a technical standpoint: awful
Sorry.
2006-12-10 21:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by ethersflame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are too many depression-implied poems in the world...
you sound like you take downer drugs...
MAKE A HAPPY POEM!!!
2006-12-10 16:49:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to smoke some OG Kush and chill....your doing way 4much!
2006-12-10 16:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by MR J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like someone who is dying of cancer and kills theirself to end the suffering. Sad.
2006-12-10 16:49:28 · answer #10 · answered by up_all_night 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋