is it a tradition or just people think it's a burden?

Question

I think that this is strange. You know, when parents have kids, they grow up and make new families. But it seems that they do not bring their parents along. Why not? The children can have his parents and his grandparents. What difference does it make? I am asian and we do not leave our parents in their own. Sometimes, they are really old and usually aren't able to do things themselves, it is also a good way for the family to be closer. i see things differently. I think that people who do this is irrespectful. I know that my mom's friend work in some buildings for old people..you know where they don't have alot of physical energy and need more care, they go into that place. Her friend said that those old folks buy gifts for their children hoping that they would come and take them for christmas. but they never come. This is sad...Is this how westerners treat there parents? are you expecting the same for yourself?

to Diane,
1. I agree that "almost all chinese" put their children in orphonages. This issue is different from America because they are overpopulated.
2. My mom is cambodian and my dad is latino. We don't do that.
3. Right not everyone do that..leaving their parents on their own but the majority does. Not all old people have money and can travel all over the world...they can't afford it. What about that?

Answer 1

That's easier said than done. In the best case scenario it's a wonderful idea. However, there are two major barriers to doing this in our society: 1) economics and 2) the lack of civility among many families.

Living in America is expensive --- especially if you consider the cost of real estate, health insurance, and high price of quality foods. People that pursue a professional career are very likely to at some point need to move away from the city where their family is from. This is particularly true for people who want to be happy with the work they do.

On the other side, most families have some kind of dysfunction. I've heard single and married people talk about how domineering their parents can be. I've even heard some older married couples say that they had to move away from their parents in order to stay married because of the manipulation an meddling.

Very simple, most people that love their parents find a way to help them as they age. However, aging is expensive and many people cannot afford the medicne and care required to live well as an elderly person.

I've visited retirement homes and they are very sad places to be. My mother visits one woman in her 90s on a regular basis because the woman's daughter is not well enough to do it herself. Both women are not well off financially which complicates the matter.

Bottom line, when people don't visit their elderly parents there is always a reason. Sometimes it just plain ol' selfish kids. But most of the time the issue is much more complicated than that. PBS's Frontline recently aired a show on the complicated problems of aging in todays society that touched on this issue. It's worh checking out.

Answer 2

The asia culture takes care of all of their family members young and old. You guys have a tight network and family ties that keep your foundation. In America, everything fast pace, and no ones have time for themselves, and yes families neglect their loves one, not to disrespectful to our elders, but simply have been trained that someone needs to do that for us, and he women workforce, why there are so many daycares to takes place of nurturing our children and familes.
You know, this is sad, If you really nurture your children at home, don't work, your children takes care of you when you are old., but if you are placed in daycare, more likely you placed you elder in a nursing home. No one really wants to change diapers on a elderly, and the high demand of care for them, there is no time, the cost of living, work, leaves no time even to nurture your own families. There are so much loneliness in the world, especially in America. And yet every country thinks we have it all, but we don't when we don't have strong bonds of network with our families of all generations.
You keep your culture alive and well, don't walk away from it, keep your own family stronghold for strength and foundation.
America might have all the looks, but really loneliness are the biggest thing most Americans suffered through.

Answer 3

Depending on the name, perhaps you could use another form of it that fits better with the first names you like (ex. if the middle name was Katrina and you wanted to use Sabrina, Sabrina Katrina would be weird, so you could use Sabrina Kate, Sabrina Katherine or Sabrina Kathleen). Or perhaps you could use it as a second middle (ex. if the middle name was Lynn and you wanted to use Lydia for the first, Lydia Lynn would clash, but Lydia Janet Lynn could work). That way, you could still use a middle that you love that fits with the first name you choose, but still continue on with the tradition too. Anyway, though, I do feel that it would be nice to continue on with the tradition to make your mother and grandmother happy. Then it would be up to your daughter to decide whether or not she wants to continue the tradition. But to use the name as a second middle would be less of a burden if she did want to continue it, so I think that would be your best option.

Answer 4

it is sad when ppl left their parents alone, but sometimes you want to be with your own family like husband/wife and children, without having your parents around everyday. that doesnt mean you dont love them, but you want to live on your own. sure you can go visit them anytime and they can come to your house anytime. for exemple, nobody wants their parent to be around when they are living with bf/gf, they will feel like theyre still a small teenager... but when your parents become old in their 80s, it must be a good thing to invite them back cause they wont be able to do some hard jobs.
anyway, thats my opinion.

Answer 5

Many things that happen in Asia are very foreign to westerners such as forced family size, discarding female children, etc. Does that mean we assume that happens with every asian family? No... So why do you assume that every western family is showcased in the few stories you have heard from your mothers friend...

WHen I got married I moved out of my parents home... My parents now live on thier own traveling around the country and world enjoying thier recent retirement and phoning occassionally to let my siblings and I know they are alive and well and spending entirely too much for oranges in Mexico because my mother seems to think she speaks Spanish...

If a time comes when my parents or a single parent needs care or wishes to move in with me or one of my siblings they are welcome until then they are footloose and fancy free to enjoy thier lives.. Yes that includes thier children and grandchildren but on thier terms and when they want... I will love having either or both of my parents live with me if that's what they choose to do but it is thier choice when they are ready... Until then I will listen to my father on the phone laughing because my mother payed $15.00 for 1 pound of oranges is Mexico or listen to my Mother telling me how they are lost somewhere in Brazil because my Father won't stop and ask directions....

I do not feel I have left my parents on thier own they are off having a wonderful time stopping by occassionally as they travel near my home.. Telephoning often (I telephone them but its easier for them to telephone me because they are not always in cellphone range) When the time comes for them to slow down (I hope it never comes they are enjoying it so much) there is a place for them here or at my siblings homes... When I bought my home one of the features that was a selling point was the attached apartment so either my parents or my husbands parents had a place close but still with privacy if they ever needed it...

Nope not all westerners place thier parents in care facilities just like not all asians selectively abandon thier babies based on gender...

Blanket assumptions lead to misunderstandings and questions like yours.....

Answer 6

It is not like that in my family....but other families treat their parents like burdens....they dont want to be bothered taking care of someone else when most of them can not take care of themselves_

Answer 7

I know, it is so sad really. Its like they treat them like, you've served your purpose now go somewhere and die. We don't want to be bothered. Its terrible! I couldn't do this to a loved one. I hope its not done to me.

Answer 8

it is sad many people don't appreciate their parents like they should. and once they're gone they wish they did everything they could to be closer to them but is too late.