I had a relationship for 8 years with a lovely lady...alas it didn't last. She had 3 kids from her previous and i did everything for them. I was their Dad more than their biological father ever was. I miss them and don't know what to do
2006-12-10 07:23:57 · 31 answers · asked by Mickey Corleone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi...I've started to answer this question 3 times now, there are too many things I need to say and it's all coming out in a jumble. My partner is in a similar situation...altthough the children in question are his... there is a daughter from a previous relationship his wife had. He treated her as his own ...as he does with my kids...I hope your ex can see that you were so important in the kids life and lets you keep in touch with them...you didn't say how old they were? Can they contact you?
Best wishes and don't hesitate to mail me if you need to talk about it. I do actually understand this situation.
2006-12-10 07:38:41 · answer #1 · answered by minitheminx65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Yea it's a ***** after 8 years and all the bonding.
If you were never married then that is a problem. She is going to get on with her life and you would be difficult to explain in a new relationship.
My GUESS is that she got tired of waiting for you to "pop the question" and GET LEGAL; the KIDS and the mom are a PACKAGE DEAL.
You didn't say if you were living together or what the deal was but if you were maintaining separate residences it was bound to happen; you can't be a part time dad.
It is like being "preg", you either are or you ain't.
If the mom wasn't a long term deal in your mind then the marriage would just NEVER work and you would just hurt the KIDS later.
If there is a future TALK to the mom and see what the "real deal" is and then go from there. If it turns out to be a "no-fixer" just move on knowing that you brought something positive into the KIDS life for 8 years. DO NOT be an "FA" or a "PITA", just move on and be HAPPY that you had the time that you did.
Good luck,
Jacques
2006-12-10 15:44:24 · answer #2 · answered by jacquesstcroix 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You and she still able to talk as friends?? If so just take a deep breath and ask her if it would be possible to maybe take the kids to pizza or to the park --Do you send them birthday cards or gifts say at Christmas?? Chance's are they really miss you too and feel like you maybe don't care --don't let that happen I think the sooner you take action the better--IF she is in a relationship now and her other doesn't feel good about you coming for the kids or she dropping them off maybe you could find a neutral zone like at her Moms or a friends home--8 years is a long time to spend nurturing children and then just having them go away--I am sad for you--I too had a long term relationship that a child was involved and I just couldn't stand it so I made arrangements to see the child --at first her Dad didn't like the idea but when he say how happy she was to have time with me and her lost brother and sister (my two kids) then its all good --by the way that was near 20 years ago --I went to her wedding we have not ever lost contact and I like it that way
God Bless you in finding common ground
2006-12-10 15:34:54 · answer #3 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you where a big part of there life's so I'm sure they are feeling the same. talk to the mother and see if you can see them for an hour or two. if the break up was a joint decision then there shouldn`t be a problem unless there is now another man who as taken over your role of step dad. if she says yes then let her know you will be happy for it to be done on her terms as long as it is regular and not going to mess there heads up. kids are great they need to have a stable home and stable parents. you may have only been there step dad but you had a bond with them and miss them now they are not around talk to the mother or the kids depending on there ages. good luck.
2006-12-11 09:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by shayney boy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to the mother and asking to talk to the kids. I'm sure they feel the same about you. My parents are divorced and my father lives a long distance away from me and i miss him all the time and would give anything for him to be here with him right now. Even not in person and phoen call would at least show he cared
2006-12-10 15:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by momma <33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still in touch? Are you on talking terms with the lady? If so, talk about it. You may not be the biological father but I'm sure they must be missing you too, and if she is reasonable you may be able to still see them.
2006-12-10 15:27:13 · answer #6 · answered by teary chocolate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to her not all woman are heartless bitches like some people on here seem to think
yeah u werent their real dad but you played the role for 8 years so the kids probably miss you to
only 1 thing to do and thats ask or u will neva know
2006-12-11 05:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by bexieboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why you can't call the kids and make plans to spend time with them. They probably miss you also. Eight years is a long time in a relationship, it would be nice if you two could resolve your issues and get married.
2006-12-10 15:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by Guess Who? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They will be missing you terribly as well. Just cause it didn't work out with the lady, don't give up on the kids ask if u can have access, the kids would really appreciate that. x
2006-12-10 15:44:07 · answer #9 · answered by sammyantha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I take it she doesn't let you see them anymore? That is terrible. My friend had 2 kid's to 2 different guy's and the second guy takes both kids over to his house every second weekend.Call her and tell her can you arrange to see them, 8 years is a long time to be in a child's life..Hope it all goes well :)
2006-12-10 15:28:14 · answer #10 · answered by kel s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋