Does the character of a man actually matter to a woman?

Question

I'm looking for serious answers here. Nothing along the lines of "duh" or "of course".

I'm just wondering, because I haven't been able to find a woman who thinks that it's important for a man to live his life with integrity. Most women that I know think that it's great when a man is unfaithful, lazy, bullying, and dishonest in general. They view him as being a "bad boy" who has "edge" and is a "challenge".

On the other hand, a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and would be a devoted husband and father, is seen as "boring" and "too nice".

Why is this? Do these women have low self-esteem and think that they don't deserve better . . . or, do men of integrity have to start being losers in order for women to appreciate them?

I look forward to your intelligent and well-thought-out answers.

Answer 1

I think that the character of a man is more important than looks or social standing by far.

Character will dictate if a man is a cheat, liar or leach. All things that would in my opinion make for a bad mate. Character will determine if they will respect you, be truthful to you and honor you, as a man should.

I can say after many years of dating around, it is what most women consider the "boring guys" that should be paid attention to because the bad boys are too high maintenance and will only make you mentally ill :)

I guess sometimes women do find a man that is a "pretty idiot" in order to boost their own self esteem. Or perhaps it is true that they think that they can do no better than an abusive man. Some even think (oddly) that abuse=love. He hits me because he cares.

I don't know all the answers, I just know that it is sad to see a good man become a loser just to get a woman. There are a lot of great women that are self secure that would love a man with integrity and they are worth waiting for.

Answer 2

There are a million variables to this, but I'll speak from experience....
I used to date the bad boys, the hard to gets, the hard to keeps. Why? Well, because it was a challenge. I wanted to show them how wonderful and beautiful the "other side" lived. I dated guys with treacherous pasts that weren't past them yet. I dated guys who's past g/f's cheated on them or hurt them. I was out to PROVE that not all women were that way or would do that to them.
Then I grew up...
I realized that in order to have that wonderful life with a faithful and honest partner that I needed to find someone that was just that and wanted the same from me. I wasn't going to change the core of who anyone was. If they portrayed that "bad boy" image then it was most likely going to continue, no matter how much I loved them or cared.
Some women do it because they don't want to commit but are lonely, so those are the "safe men" because they won't commit or stick around long. It's a subconscious "out".
Not all women are against the good guys, don't ever generalize or fathom the idea of changing who you are to be with anyone! I'm a firm believer in that the core of a human being never changes. We are who we are and you need to find someone that loves you for that. Anything less is called settling and usually ends up badly.
Please keep your integrity, keep your head high and know that when you do finally find someone that can appreciate you it will have been well worth the wait.
Good luck to you and Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

I think, you must first evaluate the integrity of the woman who is evaluating the man.

A woman who is attracted to a 'bad boy' is either looking for someone who will accept the same flaws in her, or is foolish enough to believe that she will be able to change him, for love of her. In any case, she is not an emotionally grounded individual who is choosing with her head as well as her heart.

The low self-esteem issue may have some merit, but I doubt it is anywhere near the issue you may think it is. A woman who chooses to become involved with men who act badly, is doing so quite deliberately. She is perfectly well aware of what she is doing, and of what the end result is likely to be.

A woman who has the options of dating nice guys who will treat her well, or just simply choosing not to date men who act badly, but repudiates those options, is not interested in a healthy long-term relationship.

There is also another side of this. Men who act the way you describe often do so because they are charismatic enough, or physically attractive enough (or rich enough), to keep a steady stream of women running through their lives. They don't have to be 'nice guys,' to attract females, and if they don't want a stable long-term relationship, there's no point to acting like they do. You're looking at pure animal behavior here, on both sides; there's no thought process involved. Women who 'fall in love' with such men no doubt fall hard, but not because they think they're choosing a stable mate; it's pure chemistry. They might pick up a nice guy on the rebound, but if I were you, I'd avoid that like the plague.

Sounds to me like you're doing exactly the same thing I'm describing--you're attracted to women who aren't good long-term relationship types. They may not act in a overtly 'bad boy' fashion, but if that's what they're attracted to, that should tell you something about their character, whether it's obvious on the surface, or not. I'd start looking for a mate in other places than where you've been.

Answer 4

I think you've met too many of the wrong women. I find myself attracted to the 'bad boy' type, but my idea of a bad boy isn't like what these women describe...the attributes you've listed are just plain unattractive.

Also, the bad boy thing is just a phase where you're sowing your wild oats. For me, marriage is a one-time thing, so I'd definitely prefer someone who fit the second description. And I'm not alone in thinking this.

So if you're the nice guy, why should you want to degrade yourself for women who're obviously incapable of appreciating quality? Any successful relationship is based on two people having the freedom to be who they are and knowing they can depend on the other. Hang in there....I'm sure you'll meet some good women. And plz don't stereotype the rest of us coz of a few weirdos.

Answer 5

In my opinion, women who like men who are lazy and unfaithful, so forth are actually only used to that kind of mannerism from their men and very comfortable with that. Women that are into these bad boys often complain ***** and gripe about their "bad boy" but still tend to be attracted to all that...hmmm. That's all they know and that's their comfort zone and when confronted with the man of integrity, honesty and romance (everything all women pray, dream and hope for) we tend to shy away. I believe this is because we are afraid of what we're not used to or do not know and we do not know how to handle ourselves. We are not used to it and it often does not jive with us and feels sort of wrong.

Women, such as myself once upon a time, do not think that that kind of guy is out there and they are already taken by the lucky ones and those kind of men do not want the likes of who they are or maybe do not even try because of the fear of rejection from their ideal male. I am not very sure ,all women are different and I am just talking from life experiences of my own.

I'm not sure stooping down to the likes of loser men is the answer to your happiness, but i think realizing that the right woman will come around that appreciates you and what you are and what you have to offer. You want to remain the prize that you are (if you are indeed that kind of man) and , surely, that ideal will walk right into your life when you least expect it!

Answer 6

I think character is an essential part of what attracts women to men. I know alot of times women tend to date the jerks, and most of that has to do with the men's confidence about themselves. Women love men that are confident, and in control of their lives. Women tend not to go after the shy, intellectual types because they don't carry that chip on their shoulder that other confident and mostly jerk offs seem to posses.
I love those "boring and too nice " guys but sometimes its too much because I also want one that can make up his mind and not bend to my every need and know theres limits to what to give and what to get. I know women are a complicated bunch becasue we say we want something but then we don't, because theres always a limit. We're always going to be looking for that perfect guy, and for us, we just have to mess up a few hundred times before we get it right. I know it can be frusterating but the right girl will come along sooner or later we just have to try all the wrong ones first.

Answer 7

If it doesn't, she deserves what she gets; I know a woman who likes "bad boys," and when her now ex-husband got jailed for unpaid parking tickets she was surprised and didn't see it coming. I personally think I would have been better for her, a caring, intelligent man who doesn't get put into jail(the last time I saw a jail was in a tour, and the last time I saw the inside of a police car, it was a case of mistaken identity on the part of the cop.)

Answer 8

some women have low self esteem and they think they have to control to have the man stay.
then again, i know plenty of girls who are in relationships that i can't understand because the boys they're going out with are losers. i think it goes back to the old opposites attract assumption.
personally, the first thing i look for are appearance and brains, so that we both have good jobs to support ourselves.

Answer 9

women are into the bad boy image because it's "exciting." many usually get over that after a while. the problem is that sometimes, after a few too many bad boys, women lump every men into the jerk category.

however, there are women who don't find bad boys to be interesting. they tend to be passed over by the good men though because those guys are also looking for the exciting "bad girl."

Answer 10

It does matter to a woman. I don't just want to be with a guy who's rich but arrogant or good looking but lazy. I'd rather be with someone who's sincere, faithful and has a sense of humor.