why do i want to stay sick????

Question

in the past i've been severly underweight w/anorexia, ive been cutting my self since age 14, alcohol abuse, and im diagnosed with an huge array of problems....currently on 7 meds, which seems like barely any in comparison wirh the past. i guess----what i want to ask is--i havent cut in 6 mo+, almost 6 mo. w/o drinking------im of an almost normal weight----

but----if i get better----and keep doing well------will they forget that i still feel sooooo fragile all the time, and will i loose their support----finantially and everything else??

so many of my issues have the external aspects to them, that i understand now, can affect so many people that care for me----it was never about doing any of it "for attention" of which i got accused of--and resented-----but, now-----do i feel like i need to in order to show them im still not all the way 100% of a healthy person---by regressing into something i know??? that ok----help???!?!?

Answer 1

You got help apparently. That is the single biggest step. Give it time, you'll be OK.

Find something to take your mind off of yourself, like getting involved with some charity group that works as a group, doesn't send you out on your own. Perhaps your doctor knows of some groups like that. Helping others is always the best way to help yourself. Something about human nature.

Answer 2

My guess is that You have gone through some deep trauma in Your life. Abuse at home, or elsewhere. Abuse can be in the form of Emotional, Psychological, Physical, and Sexual. Perhaps You have experienced great difficulties in School. You need to find People that have endured the same situations that You have, so that You can share with them, and heal. You would also need to get some counseling. If You do, make sure You feel 100% safe with them. You need a Person who specializes in these fields. Counseling doesn't have to be a scary word, or thought. You need to talk to someone about what has caused You to do this.
You said in the past that You have been accused of harming Yourself for attention, and that You did not like People feeling that way about You. You have made great strides, and are doing so well. So You need to stay on that path. If You do it now, so that Others will know You are not completely over this, You would actually be doing it to get their attention, which wouldn't be good for Your well being, and would be going against Your recovery, and making Those who may still doubt Your intentions right. It is hard for People to understand what You are going through, when they have never felt this way. Those close to You will understand, just talk to them. Choose a quiet time and let them know that You are doing better, but still need help and encouragement to complete Your recovery process.

You have to find the root of all of this, and heal that part, so that You can move on and live the Life You were Destined to Live.

May God Bless Your Journey

Answer 3

-First ,I want you to know I kinda know where you are I commend you for not cutting your self in 6 mo+ a big YAHOO to you, that's a start, even though I know you have had cravings to do so. I was addicted to NyQuil and I thought I could do nothing without it such as...going to job interviews, doing ANYTHING with the family, anything you think of. I was put in jail for 9 days because I stole some DVDs and NyQuil from walmart, then not more that 2 weeks later after I got out of jail I went to cvs and took a bottle of NyQuil into a restroom and drank the whole bottle I was caught and was put in jail for 9 more days I could have gotten 6 months but since I said I realized I needed help and had a problem and wanted conceling I got only 9 days. The couceling help me GREATLY I no longer want to ruin my life with the addiction I had. Sometimes I do have a craving but I look at all I have and it's not worth losing. If you have no one to support you I would get counceling. It didn't cost me a penny because I didn't work and my husband didn't make enough. If you need someone to talk to any time PLEASE get a hold of my my e-mail is melbow [e-mail] I know people say not to put your e-mail on here but I care enough about you I am willing to take the risk. Just remember there are people you;ve never met who care about you and are willing to help.

Answer 4

I think it is about attention because you say "will they forget that I still feel so fragile and will I lose their support". When you are sick all these people are paying attention to you. You like the attention. I'm also pretty sure that if you get 100% better they will stay pay attention to you because of all the problems you've had in the past. They are not going to be like, okay she's better, see ya. I think now that you have gotten passed all these problems you may want to talk to a therapist, because obviously you have concern that you are wanting to stay sick. Congratulations on making it this far and good luck in the future.

Answer 5

You are feeling 'institutionalised'.
In such a way as to feel that your whole life will crumble should you move away from the financial and health support that you are receiving at the moment.
Should you feign illness to carry on receiving this support?
Well, no, you shouldn't pretend at all. This will not give those that are assessing you, a proper schedule to fullfill your needs.
If you think you are well enough to face the outside world then you should do so. But you need to be honest to your 'carers', about how well you are at this moment. If you are not ready and feel you are being 'pushed' into a movement away from your comfort zone, you have to voice these worries.
Living in the real world is great, but sh*t still happens. Be realistic.

Answer 6

I think they will still remember how fragile you feel or felt. Cutting yourself is horrible and it will leave scars, these scars will always be a reminder to them of how you felt, and being anrexia isn't the answer either. I think this time it sounds more like you are doing it for attention but I do know how you feel. And i'm tryin to recover too. Try to find something you enjoy that gets your mind off of your pain. Best of Luck and cut the drinking it makes it worse

Answer 7

Everything we do or don't do is for a reason. There is some payoff for it even if it seems foolish. What do you get out of being sick? Is there another way you can get that need meet that is healthy?

Answer 8

You may never be back to 100%. Try to concentrate on yourself and understand that it is human nature to expect the best of people. Everyone WANTS you to be totaly healthy, as I am sure YOU want to be healthy. PLEASE talk with someone you trust and explain your concerns. If they care about you, they will understand. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 9

I think you are doing it for attention or maybe you just think that if you get better, nobody will care anymore.