My grandfather is having surgery and will need help at home for 2 weeks.His house is very messy..see details?

Question

Of course everyone is willing to help him but we are dreading it because his house is so messy. He has so much mail lying around that there is no place to sit down. He has been a "packrat" his whole life. He has about a months worth of newspapers in his kitchen that he will not throw out.He has mail everywhere, and cancelled checks from 1990.He gets upset if anyone moves anything, and got mad at me for trying to throw out the newspapers.He yelled at my mom for trying to clean his kitchen table, which had mail, newspapers, and other junk piled a foot high. I have allergies and the thought having stay at his house terrifies me.(Lots of paper and stuff=lots of dust) He can afford to hire help.My Mom works 50+ hours a week and he ran her RAGGED last time he had surgery.Should we suggest he hire some additional help, even though we plan to help him too?How should we suggest it? If he asks why we cant help him 24/7 should we tell him its because his house is so messy and he is so demanding?

Answer 1

Can he take turns staying with you and other family members during the day then go home at night? Or - maybe while he is in the hospital the entire family could get together and clean his place up a bit - maybe not get rid of things but just organize and maybe store it somewhere else (basement/attic/etc).

Answer 2

I know exactly what you are talking about, as I was the one with the messy house, I hated it , I was ashamed of it and yet I was powerless to do any thing about it as I was so overwhelmed by it all. My daughter and a friend came over one day and said we are going to go through this stuff and we are going to throw a lot of it away, I went ballistic, because I was sure they would throw some thing valuable away, They said I could stand there and say yea or Na to each and every thing that went out the door, the first day 15 garbage bags of stuff went out the door, it was all newspapers mail extra stuff that I had doubles and triples of, As the room slowly went down I became a lot more calmer as I was in control, but the place was starting to look like a home rather than a rubbish bin. It took a year to get my place in to the cleanest most uncluttered home I love, now I can keep it my self, as nothing new comes in before the old goes out.. so you may try this approach it just might work, I live with vascular dementia, and this was the root, of the problem but now at least my home is not a mess any more

Answer 3

Is there a way you can help him without getting involved in the mess in his house? Or at least find a way to be okay yourself, take care of him, but don't try to clean up his stuff. If you can't be okay staying there because of your allergies, then don't stay there. But he is not going to change. You have to balance your needs with his needs. In terms of getting outside help, if he can afford or his insurance or Medicare will pay for it, definitely suggest it. Just say that you'd love to be there for him all the time but because of your other obligations you can't be. You'll help out as much as you can but you'd like to bring in some extra help. Get him involved in the process of choosing the person to help him. Does he have any friends that could help as well? If he can't afford the help but you can, consider chipping in.

"Packrats" as you call it probably have a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and just CANNOT get rid of stuff. It frustrates them but definitely would be even more frustrating to have someone just start going through stuff and throwing it out. It has meaning to him, emotional meaning, and it is natural for him to get defensive. You don't have to understand it and you don't have to suffer because of it, but it's also not your place to attack him over his mess in his own home.

I think it's great you want to help him, just make sure you are doing it out of love and not just obligation, that way everything will become more clear.

Answer 4

I think that hiring someone to help him out this time is a good idea. Tell him straight out that he needs to do that because you and your mother have jobs that can't be jeoperdized. He should understand that. But tell him you will come to visit him a few days a week to see how he is doing. What you could also do...is box his junk, tell him you are NOT removing it...just boxing it...and when he is well, he can go through it. Packrats are hard to deal with. But sometimes you just have to take over. They need that extra push! Good luck.

Answer 5

Definitely let the hospital dis charger know that he will need help at home. There are agencies that provide at-home-care for this very reason. His insurance (medicare/caid) will cover this, too)
It is not uncommon for the elderly to have these traits. I see it all the time. For some reason, "pack-ratting" gives them a sense of security.
Chances are he will treat a stranger differently than his family. Just let him know that you'll still be checking in on him, but that the nurses will be doing the majority of the care.