What to do about a teenage drama queen?

Question

Advice about our 14 year old daughter please.

She has a habit of breaking curfews and not calling when she is running late. Last weekend, she came home over an hour late, no call. I told her she was grounded for a month, no phone, internet or TV. She cried and begged us for anything else saying how one of friends gets never gets grounded but still gets spanked, hinting that was more fair. We told her she is too old for that, but then she started mouthing off so her mom spanked her! It was nothing major, probably a little more than a dozen smacks with a wooden spoon over her jeans in privacy. She thought she was off the hook, but I told she is still grounded two weeks. This past week took the cake! she writes us a long letter saying how embarrassed she was by the spanking, asking us to promise to never ever do that to her again and then saying we lied to her by giving her both punishments. All I want her to do is just respect her curfew and be safe!.. .without the drama

Answer 1

Okay, in a calm voice let her know that it was her actions that led her to the spanking and that she should be embarrased. My parents use a system called, call'em A Call'em B it basicly means What comes around goes around.. You do your chores, we'll take you to the mall, You Get good grades, you can hang out with your friends. It's very important that you let her know that you want to respect her social life, but that she has to meet you half way. ALSO YELLING AND GIVING IN TO HER RANTS WILL NOT SOLVE ANYTHING!!! When she is moaning and crying, ignore her eventually she will stop..


I hope this helps...

Answer 2

I think you are doing the best you can. Stand firm and be consistent with her. My kids aren't teen-agers yet but I have some teen aged nieces and nephews. A few are little devils. My brother and sister in law have a 13 year old who thinks he's 25. They have threatened him with military school if he didn't straighten up. I don't see why girls who act like this don't have a military school or do they?
I would not let her off the hook. You have to be the parent or your kids will go wild. I have 2 kids and I'm learning every day how situations can change. If I wasn't firm in teaching them right from wrong they would get into so much trouble. I have 5 more years till my son hits 13. But I'm getting my arsenal ready now. He's prone to drama now however. I have had notes left on my pillow saying I don't love him. I love his sister more because I didn't let him go someplace because he broke a rule and she didn't. I tell him I love him just as much but he broke a rule and that is the punishment for not obeying.
I have been told by my brother that worse is coming. I understand your position all to well.

Answer 3

First off, you and your spouse need to realize who is in charge - her or you two? Secondly, you need to make sure that she understands what you two expect of her. Sit her down, tell her that she needs to call if she's going to be late - and that if she doesn't, you will punish her.

I wouldn't hit her, because she is too old for that. By fourteen, she should realize cause/effect and her actions do have consequences. If she doesn't call you when she is running late, take her cell phone away (i'm assuming she has one) or her phone priveleges at home. Say that if she can't learn how to use a phone for important things, than she surely cannot use it for entertainment.

I'd also tell her that you appreciate the apology in the letter, but that it wasn't a lie - you never promised her anything. Also, she broke your trust by not calling or returning home on time. Tell her that she is no longer allowed to go out until she regains your trust.

Explain to her that you are not her parents friends, and that you are concerned for her safety.

Mostly, remember that she is just fourteen. When I was fourteen (which was only two years ago) I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends unless I called when I got there and when I was leaving. I didn't automatically -have- my parents trust, I had to earn it. It was hard, and I still am earning it.

Some things to remember:
-be firm
-explain your reasons
-remember who is boss
-remember that she is just fourteen (what is she doing that she can't call you?)

I hope I helped.

Answer 4

Most likely it's just a phase, but you still need to be careful. Make sure she has an accessible phone, (a cellphone might be necessary), and you do need to stay consistent. It's either the spanking or the grounding, not both. Even if you get mad, it's not right to give one punishment, then enforce the other! My parents have really never grounded or spanked me, but they are very talented with the guilt factor- maybe she'll be more receptive to that. Also, it does not matter what happens to her friends for punishment, this is YOUR family, and YOUR rules. You do not necessarily have the same values or restrictions her friend has, and their life is not hers to have or control. That's a key point to get across to her. Good luck!

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Make sure she knows the rules and consequences, sit down and talk to her let her know that if she is going to act like a 5 yr old she is going to be treated like one. Make sure she has a phone that way if she is going to be late she can call and she won't have an excuse. Ask her what the reason is if it is justifiable then maybe let her slide but don't give in to the drama it won't do any good.

Answer 7

Yikes!!
1. you didn't lie to her.
2. she should respect you.
3. if she's embarassed, it's her fault.
4. tell her that she is grounded, with no tv, no internet, berely phone until she learns to respect the rules.

Answer 8

spare the hitting,.... take away what she cant have herself,.. such as dont give her any money, .... take away the computer. make her work for the things she wnats, shell get over it... then wen it comes to wanting things, she cant afford them, and shell pay more respect

Answer 9

you spank your daughter with a wooden spoon????
what type of mother are you???
teens make a big deal out of something,but that doesnt mean you need to SPANK her...

Answer 10

Wow a hour late so what? You should be ashamed of yourself!!! Well what you need to do is kick her azz!! Then she wont be no little drama queen i HATE those kind of girls!!!