Does beating your child make them stronger as an adult, or leave them emotionally flawed for life?

Question

I was just having a conversation with my friend about how we would go about disiplining our children if we had any. He exclaimed that he would beat the crap out of his kid, because it would make them stronger. He said that is what made him a man. I felt sorry for him that he just didn't know any better. What do you think?

Answer 1

And he feels that he's a man because he can beat the crap out of a child?

What a man...

Real men are gentle. Real men have patience. Real men are able to nurture. Real men can cup the face of a naughty child in their hand and say "I'm disappointed right now... because of your behavior... but we're going to work together to help you to remember the rules because I love you and it's important to me that you grow up to be a good person."

Your friend has confused strength with pain. He's confused the shell of toughness he's had to create to protect himself with the inner strength that only comes from being loved unconditionally and nurtured and taught.

I hope you have children first and he can learn by your example. I hope he finds a woman who will open up his shell and allow him to feel safe enough to nurture those around him lovingly. I hope no child has to suffer at his hand because it's what he learned at the hands of someone else. I hope he takes some parenting classes or reads some books to learn how to properly discipline children before having any of his own... and I wish him well.

Answer 2

Emotionally flawed. My mom got beat when she was little, and she got beat in her marriage. Even though she's ok and can be happy in life, those memories have never left her and still upset her.

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. It may actually make the child *mentally* stronger when they get older, but the memories they have from their abusive childhood, will not leave them.

It's not right to abuse a child, and I hope your friend NEVER, EVER has a child. Children are smaller than adults. For a man to take all his strength and thrash it on a small child, well, that's cruel and unfair.

Your friend does know better. It's not like he's 2. He knows that beating someone that's smaller than him to a pulp, is wrong...especially when it's your own child.

I hope one day your friend realizes how stupid he was for thinking that. If he does end up having a child, he should seek help 'cause he may end up hurting the child.

Anyways, you should've told your friend that was wrong. Let's just hope and pray having kids is the last thing on his list to do in life.

Answer 3

An appropriate spanking at the appropriate time can be very character-building, but a harsh beating for every minor infraction will leave them emotionally flawed for life, as you put it. There are no perfect parents and no perfect behavioral management solutions. Using a mixture of love and determination to do what's best for their children, the parents have to work out what makes the best impression on the kids and go from there. I was born in 1957; sometimes I was spanked, sometimes I had privileges removed, sometimes I was forced to apologize to those whom I had wronged, but as an adult I understand where they were coming from and don't regret any of it now. (Of course, as a child I thought they were just about the meanest parents on the planet, lol!)

The bottom line is that parents who are either too harsh or too soft on their kids do them, and society, a grave dis-service.

Answer 4

Hi, of course he is forgetting that if he is caught doing this it could mean prison time. But to answer your question. There is a stage in a child's life where they need to know they are not the center of the universe. I am a strong believer in dicipline. It builds the child's self image if done correctly. If done incorrectly, the prisons today are full of those cases. When my sons were very young, say 1 to 2 years old, if they did not do as they were told, I simply slapped them gently on the hand. You should see the look they had, their entire world had fallen down because dad was not happy with what they were doing and they did not stop doing it. The basis of dicipline in my opinion is "yes" or "no". If you give reasons for both, and ALWAYS stick to your guns, do not change your mind because they come up with million reasons as excuses, they will be fine. Give a lot of love and dicipline, but do not let them influence into blurring the two ! The benefit of this is no terrible two's period, no hard to handle teenagers. They will grow up the way you treat them. They will learn to back up their decisions with solid reasons, and they will respect you for giving them reasons. Hope this helps Chas

Answer 5

Social development comes from the parent. A child's only learning device from its early years, is its parents, and what they see and what there taught is going to stick with them into adulthood. If a child grows up getting things beaten into him or seeing his parents hitting each other, that child is going to grow up thinking that's whats suppose to happen. And most likely it will affect there relationships into adulthood. In men it makes them more aggressive adults and they are more likely to become the dominant, abusive male, thinking that they have to abuse to get what they want. In females it makes them more closed up and not trusting, they have low self-esteem and are more than likely to get into an abusive relationship, because they are weak and scared.
Parenting is a huge responsibility, not one to take lightly, and if someone says they would beat the crap out of there kids, because that would make them stronger what kind of parent let alone person do you think he is? Kids can't fight back and are nothing but innocent children, looking for love and affection, and guidance, why should we deny them that?

Answer 6

People that do improper must be punished (and most of the time are ultimately). When God places us in a situation wherein we will be able to quit any individual from doing evil we must. This man or woman's punishment would be the identical, nonetheless, whether or not you dangle on to those emotions or now not. You may not cross to hell for feeling this manner however your existence in the world is also simpler if you'll be able to uncover a strategy to provide this anger to God. If you prefer a well booklet, take a look at The Shack. It is whole fiction, however revolves round a major man or woman who feels the way in which you do.

Answer 7

It's too bad he thinks of him self as a man. No real man would beat a child.

Let's hope he can't have them in the future.

I have mixed feelings if I feel sorry for him or not.
I feel sorry he was beat, but not sure he feels that that is what makes a man.

You should try and come up with reasons to talk to him about this. Or he won't be a healthy parent.

Answer 8

A spanking once in awhile (not out of anger but as a punishment) will not emotionally scar you for life. I was spanked a handful of times as a child and it was never hard enough to hurt me physically it just hurt my feelings because i knew i did something REALLY wrong.
If you beat the crap out of child of course it would scar them for life. Thats abuse. The child is more likely to abuse his/her own children or future spouse, have relationship problems, get involved in drugs, and have other mental health issues.

Answer 9

An occasional spanking isn't wrong but beating is. My brother turned out doing drugs, going to jail all the time, and beating his dogs as a result of my dad beating him. He's also a d***head and has anger problems. When he found out his girlfriend was pregnant he said he didn't give a f***. Beating a kid makes them vulnerable but angry. You tell your friend that if he'd want to ruin his kid's life, go ahead a beat him.

Answer 10

I think there are appropriate times to hit your kids (not beat) on the butt. I was beaten as a kid, and I don't think it made me stronger, just more resentful of the abusive parent to the point that I could him out of my life when I was an adult. I didn't talk to him from the time I was 18 until he died when I was in my early 50's.