My daughter was molested?

Question

by my best friend's EX husband many years ago. My daughter told me about it a # of years later. She then told my best friend, who has a 30+ year old daughter. Don't you think that her daughter should be told the truth about her father? My girlfriend says " no, not now, when she has her own children, I will tell her"... What do you think???

Answer 1

The only way I see withholding the truth is if this man is now dead (with his karma, may be true!). No one wants to learn this about their father so if he is long gone, then yes it should wait and her mother can decide when or if this will come up. But if this man is alive and in anyway involved in his daughter's life, then she deserves to be told. Not just for her future childrens' sake, but it's entirely possible that she has lived her life with the same dark secret...that she was also molested.
This has to cause strain on your relationship with your friend. But if she is your best friend, as horrible and painful as this must be, she needs to tell her daughter (and it would be better coming from her mother than you). If your friend knows that you will be there for her and her daughter and will not judge, she may get the confidence to do it. I would also encourage her to see a therapist to help the family deal with this.
I hope you, your daughter, your friend and her daughter all see your way out of this and can recover from a tragic situation.
God bless

Answer 2

The daughter absolutely needs to be told, quicker because there are young children to protect. You can expect a variety of unpleasant responses: 1-she won't believe you and will cut off contact in some way, including ugly accusations and a large scene, or not; 2-she will do any of #1 then later come to realize she was molested herself, 3-she will accuse you of grandiose delusions and wanting to be the center of a sick conflict that will ruin her family's life.

Call your local rape crisis center for a consultation. They don't only deal with rape, child molestation is their specialty. Not only will they make sure your daughter has the type of help she needs, but they will assist and guide with whatever can be done to make sure this pedophile doesn't revictimize any more than he may have already. They are pros, and I wouldn't navigate a fireswamp like this one without professional help. And I don't think they charge.

Good luck.

Answer 3

She should be told. As far as waiting for the right time is there ever a right time to tell someone something like that. Maybe your daughter should tell her since it happened to her. It will be hard but the longer you wait the harder it will be to do.

Answer 4

Hard to tell... Since this can ruin peoples lives.... But to protect that person, I believe that they should be told.... Just don't be surprised of the consequences since you will called a liar and everything else....

Answer 5

well that depends, the sooner the better.
truth will come out in a little later so what's the difference if you tell the truth.

Answer 6

it's her daughter, not urs, and if ur friend wnts to wait, let her. i think ur friend is being wise and waiting for exactly the right time. and unless her daughter often time sees her father then it's best to keep quiet.

Answer 7

yes you should tell her if she was to happen to find out on accident she will end up hateing you and that is not what you want to happen....

Answer 8

yes, something has to be done, how would you feel if something else happens to someone else, and you could have done something about it,