I feel so lost without him?

Question

I started dating a guy who is separated (16 months). 3 days ago his ex asked about trying to make things work for the kids (she cheated on him), so, I 'let him go' to decide what he wanted (this was Th. night). We texted each other back and forth a little on Friday, then when I wouldn't call him, I think he got upset, my reason was, what really is the point. I miss his voice so much, and I've been crying my heart out. Then last night he sent me 10 messages including "i'm lost" "can i c u one day next week" "i've been trying to tell you my feelings but you're not answering, guess the saying is true 'you snooze you loose' and "i miss you beautiful." I responded to his messages and stupidly tried calling, yet, he didnt' answer the phone, nor has he responded to my messages. What do I do...don't respond the next time (if there is a next time), go see him? tell him he has to decide? i know he doesn't love her but thinks it's best for his kids - what would you all do???? Please help

I 'let him so' so my heart wouldn't get hurt more in the end. And note, I said he was seperated for 16 months, she had a boyfriend until a few days ago, and they've lived in seperate homes.

Answer 1

He is fulfilling a need fathers have at the moment. He needs to demonstrate to the children that he tried everything but it didn't work out. He was prepared to give you up for them even. It most certainly will not work out with her since he can't make a clean break from you. He will be begging for another chance next week. As for you, accept his attempts at contact but do not initiate any yourself. Do not be the reason they failed as it will haunt you. Let the attempt implode itself and wait on the sideline if you think this man is worth it.

Answer 2

If they are trying to work things out just for the kids then it will never last. I would give him 1 more week to decide and tell him that. He should also know that there won't be another time for him to decide who he wants to be with. It should be you and you only. He is probably not answering you r text msges because he is with the mother of his kids and doesn't want her to know much about you. Be very careful, I think you may be the one getting hurt from all of this.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are really mature. I am impressed that you let him go.
It sounds like a complicated relationship with an wife, kids, and unresolved issues. I would not blame you for wanting to avoid being hurt, sounds like it would be inevitable.
My first husband asked me to work things out "for the children" and I had no interest. I was involved in a new relationship and very happy. Why would your boyfriend even have an interest in going back to her?

He sounds a little low on comittment. Please, for your own sake, decide you are done with him. The hurt will last for a while, but it will pass.

Answer 4

Let him go back to his wife and children to make another go of it. Put yourself in the rest of the families shoes and imagine how you would feel to lose a husband or father. I know it would cause immense heartache for you and you would grieve the loss of your relationship with him, but at least later on in life karma will give back to you for the good you done for a family

Answer 5

sounds like he never go over her. as for staying for the children. that is a load of shite and you know it. she will use what she can do make sure he is not far from her when she needs or wants something. she doesn't love him or want HIM ..she needs him for her own selfish needs. and if he was to ever be rid of her he would put his foot down and say that's it I am not coming back to you but don't expect to hear it from him because she has him so confused... that is how she likes him best..

Answer 6

If he's only separated, she is not his ex yet. He has not finished a relationship, only added one more to one that he is trying to keep. You may want to not set yourself up in the future to have involvement with a man that is not ready to move on to another relationship. Keep your eyes open and take off any rose colored glasses. You know the truth and you owe it to yourself to not lie to yourself anymore.

Answer 7

confident, I pass over him even whilst he's in basic terms long gone for a pair of hours....i don't know what i might do without him. whilst he's away over night I sleep on the settee along with his well known t.v. channel on because of fact it feels awkward in mattress without him.

Answer 8

The only thing that's best for the kids is to have two happy parents. If this means they have to live apart, then so be it.If he's going to be there and miserable, then he's not doing himself or them any favors. GO GET HIM.

Answer 9

you did the right thing by letting him go, and see if he can work his marriage out. but you are putting your life on hold for him. he can not have his cake and eat it to. sounds like that he is not sure either. maybe you should see him, don't have sex with him yet, but just sit down with him and tell him that you can not put your life on hold..ask him to tell you his honest feelings. it also sounds like you are the one who made this descison to let him go, and when he tried to contact you, you didn't want to talk to him. sounds like you may not really know what you want either. blessings

Answer 10

I'd try to move on if I were in your shoes. He's got issues that aren't fully resolved and it wouldn't be fair for me to be stuck in an unpleasant situation. I'd tell him to get things fully ironed out with his wife before he finally comes to look for me.